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For Kim
Sept 4, 2015 11:37:29 GMT -5
Post by Dana on Sept 4, 2015 11:37:29 GMT -5
Hi Kim, I may be wrong but when I read that you need him to at least start your lawnmower for you... that sounds more DEpendent on him, than COdependent? I don't know all the history between you and he, but if you're friends and it's healthy that's alright I guess. If it's not healthy then maybe you can figure out another way for the lawn?
I remember feeling incredibly lonely in the beginning. And vulnerable. And scared. And so much more! Heck, I was incredibly lonely BEFORE I got sober - yes, even though I was in a relationship. There's a difference between being alone and being lonely, and you don't have to be alone to still feel super lonely. I relied on the people on the forum (and later, in AA) to comfort me and tell me that I don't have to do this alone. And you don't either! Don't drink, do the right thing, day after day... and it will get a little bit better as time goes on. For me, I began to pray - and meditate (in my own way) - and ask the universe how I could be useful? Getting out of myself, my sorrows, my pity party - it really helped me to see the bigger picture, and that I am but a small part of a greater whole. I learned that the world does not revolve around me. And people were not placed here to please me or entertain me. I had to be the change I wanted to see. Michael Jackson's "Man In The Mirror" is now playing in my head and giving me goosebumps! Ha! Timeless. :-)
Anyway, hang in there Kim! You are not alone.
xoxo Dana
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For Kim
Sept 5, 2015 7:55:48 GMT -5
Post by doodoodotdot1 on Sept 5, 2015 7:55:48 GMT -5
Hey Dot, I can relate to a lot of what you are saying. Me and my friend are still friends but that's all, I need him to at least start my lawnmower. I feel pretty lonely these days, lots of time on my hands. Not really sure what to do about it at the moment. I'm sorry that you and Spartacus kind of ended in disaster. That happened to me with my dv ex and it was a horrible and painful breakup. A year later after my breakup with the dv ex I find it hard to believe I stayed with him four and a half years, he treated me like shift. Anyway, that's all in the past. I'm not sure about codependants anonymous. There is nothing in Brisbane where I live so kind of rules it out. I think you are right in that it all stems from childhood, just how to overcome it?? I know I was in a codependant relationship when I was 22 so its always been a part of my life. I wish there were some easy answers to life, but it seems there are none or else I'm not looking hard enough or in the wrong places. Hi Kim Its ok about Sparticus and me. I'm happier...even if it is peppered with regret. I'll have to deal with that but not right now. Just need to get used to my new life. I know what you mean about needing a man around to do some things for us. Starting the lawn mower and the like For me that would keep me in the dance with that person...but you have to decide what is right for you. Hows the recovery going?
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For Kim
Sept 8, 2015 19:06:07 GMT -5
Post by achilles1957 on Sept 8, 2015 19:06:07 GMT -5
I'd cut the grass with a scissors before I'd ask for help ... one of my many flaws ... I'm only now learning to seek help, pushing sixty..think it's too late??
You are brave Dot and your enthusiasm to be well always shines through in your posts, encouraging to say the least.
I hope you're doing ok Kim, please post when you get a chance.
Jenn
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For Kim
Sept 9, 2015 8:57:25 GMT -5
Post by doodoodotdot1 on Sept 9, 2015 8:57:25 GMT -5
I'd cut the grass with a scissors before I'd ask for help ... one of my many flaws ... I'm only now learning to seek help, pushing sixty..think it's too late?? You are brave Dot and your enthusiasm to be well always shines through in your posts, encouraging to say the least. I hope you're doing ok Kim, please post when you get a chance. Jenn I have actually seen a man cutting his grass with scissors. Up the street. I think he is schiztophrenic or something. He is referred to as Bill the Walking man because he walks everywhere...miles. I see him sometimes 10 miles from his home. He's in great shape. We're all brave here. We have to be don't we?
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For Kim
Sept 9, 2015 19:30:25 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Sept 9, 2015 19:30:25 GMT -5
Hey Jenn, I'm going okay. Just been a bit depressed and haven't felt like posting. Its good that the new forum is going strong now.
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For Kim
Sept 9, 2015 20:20:04 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by gwampa69 on Sept 9, 2015 20:20:04 GMT -5
Hey Kim I'm sorry to hear you have been depressed. That was my normal in the early days and periodically over time. Since booze is a depressant, it only exacerbates the condition. Another great reason to not drink it. Being sad sucks. Being hungover and sad is that much worse. Hang in there.
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For Kim
Sept 10, 2015 7:18:58 GMT -5
Post by achilles1957 on Sept 10, 2015 7:18:58 GMT -5
I'd cut the grass with a scissors before I'd ask for help ... one of my many flaws ... I'm only now learning to seek help, pushing sixty..think it's too late?? You are brave Dot and your enthusiasm to be well always shines through in your posts, encouraging to say the least. I hope you're doing ok Kim, please post when you get a chance. Jenn I have actually seen a man cutting his grass with scissors. Up the street. I think he is schiztophrenic or something. He is referred to as Bill the Walking man because he walks everywhere...miles. I see him sometimes 10 miles from his home. He's in great shape. We're all brave here. We have to be don't we? We sure do Dot. I've never thought of myself as brave with regard to my alcoholism (or in the quest to recover from it) ... attempting to improve one's life IS brave. Is it easier to suffer without effort, doesn't take much effort to drive to the bottlo now does it? For me, to live alcoholically would be a fate worse than death. Personally I have no choice but to recover, the alternative is unthinkable. There's a woman in my city that can been seen regularly walking, quickly walking, striding actually. She's in her nineties and rumour has that she believes she was abducted by aliens and that if she stops walking, they will take her again. I've seen her all over the city for years now, varying times of day and night, striding along, head down, with a determination in her step. She must be so fit, unfortunately she doesn't appear to be enjoying it, her eyes are always staring at the ground. I would love to be inside her head, just for a few seconds though, it could be terrifying.
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For Kim
Sept 10, 2015 7:48:32 GMT -5
Post by achilles1957 on Sept 10, 2015 7:48:32 GMT -5
Hey Jenn, I'm going okay. Just been a bit depressed and haven't felt like posting. Its good that the new forum is going strong now. That's a bummer Kim. I was going to ask if you knew why you were feeling depressed but from what I understand of depression (as opposed to feeling sad) is that one doesn't know why they are feeling down. Is that right? My husband suffers from depression and tells me that is just comes out of the blue, much like the desire to have a drink I guess. I've suggested to him to be mindful of the build-up to those feelings, to try and observe himself when the depression begins to raise its ugly head. I've only just realised, in this moment, the similarities in the process ? Not sure about this ... more observing to do me thinks. I hope it passes, you deserve to be happy. jenn
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For Kim
Sept 11, 2015 9:30:24 GMT -5
Post by blueskye on Sept 11, 2015 9:30:24 GMT -5
Hey Kim,
So great that you go to talk to your daughter. Being a mother, I can't imagine what it's been like for you to not have contact with her. Hopefully, you'll be able to rebuild your relationship as she gets older and make her own decisions. Stay strong. This painful time will come to pass.
Don't give into cravings no matter what. You have a huge motivator - living sober so you can be securely and happily sober for your daughter. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for her. That's how I have to think when it comes to my kids. It's tough for me to be sober for myself, but I can do it for them.
Take care.
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For Kim
Sept 11, 2015 9:36:45 GMT -5
Post by blueskye on Sept 11, 2015 9:36:45 GMT -5
Hi dot, did you know there is such a thing as codependents anonymous (CoDA)? I didn't, until just in the last 6 months or so. They actually have a website with lots of information and meetings and such. Check it out! Maybe you'll find it helpful. Maybe you already know about it ... anyway it's coda.org/I think we all have some codependent tendencies in us, to some degree or another. And I think it's great that you're exploring this about yourself. I hope you find some answers! Hi Dana Yes Makomago and Icon have talked about it. I am going to look in my area tonight. I started with ACOA and that was a bust in my area. But maybe they'll be more in the codie department. Yes that's true. But there's a vast difference between healthy need, caring about another more than one does themselves (say a partner or child), sacrificing for a loved one and true codependence. I lose myself to the point of complete emotional breakdown. Its pretty weird. And the anxiety that results is unbelievable. Not a great state for maintaining sobriety. But I feel like I'm learning...or very willing. Thanks for the info! Dot, Co-dependency is also called The Disease of The Lost Self. You have great insight when you describe the parallels between your drinking and co-dependency. It is the nature of addiction. I hope you find a good Coda meetings where you are. Maybe you can join an on-line one if the RL one sucks. Take good care of yourself.
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For Kim
Sept 11, 2015 19:37:26 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Sept 11, 2015 19:37:26 GMT -5
Thanks you all for your kind messages. Its good to see you here Blue. I was hoping you didn't get lost in the changeover. Guess what? I've been feeling happy the last 2 days. Depression has lifted again. Just trying to move forward with my life and look to the future. I'm getting my energy back since my last relapse so that's great.
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For Kim
Sept 11, 2015 23:09:19 GMT -5
Post by Dana on Sept 11, 2015 23:09:19 GMT -5
Hi there slimkim! Great picture! Thanks for putting it up there. :-) So glad you're feeling happy. Embrace it and enjoy it! Yes it's time to move forward from here and like Brett says Onward and Upward!
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For Kim
Sept 13, 2015 9:05:02 GMT -5
Post by blueskye on Sept 13, 2015 9:05:02 GMT -5
I like the way I can hover my mouse over the title of a thread and it shows a snippet.
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For Kim
Sept 14, 2015 4:56:02 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Sept 14, 2015 4:56:02 GMT -5
Hey Everyone, I thought it was time for an update and maybe keep this place going strong. I'm finally starting to feel normal again since my last relapse. I haven't even had cravings in the last 4 days, kind of see it as as a nogo zone for drinking and dismiss the thoughts quickly. Brett, your post was great about the guy next door. That really spoke to me for some reason and made me think. I was getting chest pains but each day they are diminishing. I've heard of alcohol stuffing up your heart and I always imagined dying of liver damage not a heart attack. I watched my grandmother on her deathbed dye of heart failure so it runs in the genes as well. Maybe that's what caused the kind of peace I know have around not drinking. Live a long life so I am here for my daughters if they ever come back to me. Anything could happen so I just want to live each day to the full and not waste time being hungover. I've totally revamped my diet again to lose weight as well. So for anyone out there reading this, it is possible to come back from a relapse.
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For Kim
Sept 14, 2015 7:39:07 GMT -5
Post by gwampa69 on Sept 14, 2015 7:39:07 GMT -5
Hey there Kim I was getting chest pains frequently toward the end of my drinking. I even went to the doc to have an EKG done but they didn't see anything wrong at the time. Still, you may want to get that checked out to be certain your ticker is ok. You sound like the Kim I have come to know after the grog is out of your life for a while. Upbeat and full of motivation. You gotta keep that ball moving in the right direction, day by day.
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