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Post by Deleted on Mar 11, 2016 23:44:58 GMT -5
Hey Brett, Sorry to hear you had such a tough week. Hopefully next week will be better.
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Post by yvan on Mar 12, 2016 5:24:08 GMT -5
Hi Brett and all. Sure that for some of us, stress can be a trigger. I haven't thought of a drink for a long time, I never think alcohol but I don't forget the time when my mental and my body were addicted to it with all the suffering related to my drinking. I have never been so happy for a long time but the thought of a drink to relieve stress or other triggers can happen one of these days. Why, because I am an alcoholic and I will be for the rest of my life. I have no doubt that a drink could bring me back to the past. This past is buried, this darkness is behind, to resuscitate it with a drink could have terrible consequences in my life. I know it because I've done it, because I have seen it with others and because I still see it around me. Remembering the past. I can't think of a better prevention (for me anyway) to never forget that alcohol never brought anything positive into my life. It never did and it wouldn't do if I dare to wake up the beast that is still in me. Alcohol never resolved anything, never made me stronger and my life happier, often made everything worse, made me a drunk and isolated me from others. If I started a list, this post would be the longest one I ever wrote. Also, accepting things (and people) I cannot change brings me serenity and peace of mind. It's not that easy everyday but it has made a big difference to the way I feel, think and deal with my daily life. Kim. Just saw your last posts. So far, neither the forum, AA, an alcohol counsellor nor studies have worked for you. Maybe you should follow the advice from your counsellor and go to rehab. I remember some people from AA saying that rehab has been the only option left to stay off the booze. If you go to rehab, at least after some months of sobriety, you will come out from it with a clearer mind to think about what you can do with your life. It's sad Kim to see you struggling for so long. Your mental and physical health are at risk. That's all alcohol is doing to you and to your life. You know it but you don't stop drinking. Do something Kim please before it gets even worse. Anyway, Spring is around the corner. At last. I am very busy, so much to do and to enjoy. I'm going to France soon to spend time with my family, I am lucky to have a job that doesn't stress me, I have wonderful friends, I am very grateful for everything I have. Sobriety brought me what I hoped. My life is good, not perfect but bloody good as tutu would say. You are very strong Brett. I am sure you will find solutions and more peace in your life. We always do with time. Have a great weekend all.
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Post by gwampa69 on Mar 12, 2016 9:16:15 GMT -5
Morning Yvan As always, its nice to see you "jump in the pool". Glad to hear you are heading back to France soon. Spring is springing here too and that's got me thinking about my garden and Turkey hunting season. I will be heading up to the farm in a couple weeks. That's always great for my stress level. I prefer to be outside and the cold winters and short days seem to keep me inside more and more the older I get.
You sound happy and your outlook on life is optimistic as usual. I'm sure that reading your words is as uplifting for others as it is for me. Thanks for popping in.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 13, 2016 0:17:55 GMT -5
Thanks for popping in Yvan. You are one of the success stories so always uplifting to read your posts. I said on another thread why I don't want to go to rehab. I'm intending on giving AA a chance to work. It did work for you Yvan so there has to be something there.
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Post by yvan on Mar 13, 2016 7:23:59 GMT -5
Hi Kim. 90 meetings in 90 days, that's a lot if you think you will have problems with the fellowship. Having a sponsor is a good idea. Maybe that's what you need most, someone you can talk to any time you feel having a drink. That's what it's about Kim. Not taking the first drink. For the rest, you know a lot. Keep focusing on your studies, maybe you can get a job at the end. That's a goal, and it would be a big change in your life. You know about PAWS, starting living sober is a long and difficult step in the recovery to become free from the addiction. I hope your sponsor is the right one. I remember mentioning PAWS in AA among other things I learnt from the forum, no one knew about it. I never had a sponsor. I never did the steps. To me, AA became after a while mainly meeting friends (I made in AA) after the meetings. I used to go 2 or 3 times a week the first months, then only Saturdays lunch time. I stopped going in summer 2014. The meetings I used to go were too often about the same stories over and over from the same people. It was ok for a start, but people talking about their past 10 or 20 years ago, enough for me, I found it quite depressing. I needed knowledge, something deeper for my reflexions, something I could work on it. I found the forum and I got the knowledge from many people. I got my strength here. I could read the posts whenever I wanted or needed to. But that's me Kim. Try and see how you feel in a month, you may find the strength you miss. I wish you Kim to turn the page and start a new chapter in your life. We all are in the same boat, we all can reach the shore. Talking about AA, I met yesterday two people who used to go to the meetings. I knew them quite well, they used to have coffee with us sometimes after the meetings, they were sober and happy. They lost everything, jobs, families, everything. They are homeless. To see those two men in a terrible mess, drinking, lost, well, what can I say, I saw the reality.
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Post by gwampa69 on Mar 13, 2016 14:53:18 GMT -5
Hey Kim Please make sure you read Yvans message above..
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Post by bethanne711 on Mar 13, 2016 15:22:50 GMT -5
Hi Brett and Jenn, Thank you for asking about me and the warm welcome. My leg has finally healed the best that it will be. I am grateful that I am now walking without a cane or walker. It took about 5 1/2 months but I got through it. Good to "see" you both, as well. Hope you are enjoying the Spring weather. Please stay in touch.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 13, 2016 19:51:25 GMT -5
Hey Yvan, Thanks so much for spending the time to write that post to me. Its another difficult day but your post has given me strength and hope. I'm in a bad shape psychically from last relapse and my brain is just not functioning. I'm going to my first meeting tonight so are kind of hanging around waiting on that. I feel like I barely have another recovery left in me but know I have to do it or die a slow horrible death. You have such a great way with words Yvan. I wish I could write like you.
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Post by Pam on Mar 13, 2016 19:59:43 GMT -5
You are strong Kim. Take care of yourself. Pam
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Post by gwampa69 on Mar 15, 2016 18:03:45 GMT -5
Sam brought up an interesting topic in the "cocaine" thread. It got me thinking about all the crap I put into my body over my lifetime. Not just booze. Far from it. I always thought I started using because I was "ahead of my time" at the ripe old age of 15 when I got drunk for the first time. Always ready for a party. Kids much older than me weren't doing the stuff I was doing. From there it was all manner of illegal drugs. I would do anything for a buzz. I think the only reason I never shot heroin was because it wasn't available. If it would have showed up in my town when I was getting rolling, I certainly would have tried it. I know now what I was running from and that none of it was really about the party at all. I know this because even back then, it was always to excess and there was rarely enough drugs or booze around to satisfy me. I started using to feel good, and ended to keep from feeling bad. That's the story of many addicts and alcoholics. I don't miss any of that stuff at all. But when Sam brought up the topic of drugs, it reminded me that while booze was the primary substance of choice for me, it was far from the only one. And all of them were used to excess for the same reason.
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Post by quitat54 on Mar 20, 2016 0:59:23 GMT -5
Thank you for posting yvan.
I used to read your post on the old forum and like your no nonsense approach. At the end we have to do the work and it is not easy at first. But hoping for magical solutions will not get us out of this slavery. I for one don't like dogma and find approaches which state ...only our way will set you free not appealing. However if they work for some I think that is great. The goal at the end of it is not to drink. I have been sober for 7 months and feel really good about it. Seldom do I think about a drink. But at the same time I avoid common pitfalls... places and people who drink. I don't dwell on thoughts of drinking at all. This has been always the most difficult part for me. I have long way to go, but people like you and Brett and many others in this forum are inspiration and light...
Kim
I wish you the best and hope that you find the courage to do what is necessary to recapture your freedom.
J
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Post by gwampa69 on Mar 20, 2016 11:06:17 GMT -5
Hi J Nice to see you around. Congratulations on 7 months! Time is certainly moving along isn't it? One of the things that always strikes me is how much better people sound in their writing the further they move from their last drink. Of course that is the goal, to feel better, happier, more like our true selves. But it does jump out at me the difference I see in people that make it around the first big curve, which for me was around 3 months or so. Not that I didn't appreciate every single sober minute up until that point. I certainly did. But around 3 months I remember feeling like a turned a bit of a corner. Its different for everyone.
Is spring springin up there in the great white north?
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Post by quitat54 on Mar 20, 2016 13:22:06 GMT -5
Hi Brett
It certainly feels like spring today. You are right, the time goes by regardless whether we drink or not. It must be almost 2 years for you, or already is. ( Sorry don't remember exact day). I was reading your postings and am glad that you have been able to handle life challenges and stress without resorting to any chemical assistance. I have had some of my own and feel the urge to self-medicate less and less frequently. As it has been said many times, alcohol does not help nor fixes anything, on the contrary. In addition to hangovers we make our life situations worse. J
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Post by gwampa69 on Mar 20, 2016 14:00:25 GMT -5
Hey J My quit date was somewhere around the end of June 2014. To keep it simple, I call it July 1st. So that's when I will officially cross the 2 yr mark. Speaking of Marks, Jeyu of Texas will cross his two year threshold on April 22 so there's another celebration coming for him soon.
When you mentioned your son getting some beer on the other thread, your words and descriptions were spot on for me. Those occasions don't happen a lot for me anymore but I had an extended presence around booze on Friday afternoon. My boss invited a bunch of us to his house to watch some of the NCAA Basketball tournament. He has a nice place (he's the boss) that includes a very well stocked bar and newly completed smallish wine cellar. We toured that sucker for a while and I stood there amongst all those bottles. Must have been around 200+bottles in there and room for 700. He was describing all of the different types, countries of origin, winemaking methods etc. It was interesting to listen but to me, all the stuff really represented was pain. I had a more than fleeting thought that I wished I could enjoy alcohol without it taking complete control of me. The different wine pairings with food, the complex flavors blah blah blah. One is as good, or as bad as another to me. Empty one, open another. Repeat. I decided a while ago that a nice cold glass of lemonade with crushed ice goes with just about everything (except peanut butter sandwiches for some reason).
Then we moved on to the bar area where he started pouring different bottles of whiskey, imported rums, beers etc.. you name it. Everyone was enjoying themselves but not to excess. It was always funny to me how people can sit and talk and nurse a ####tail, beer, glass of wine or whiskey for like 30 min. That was never me. I sat with a nice cold 7up and watched people. As I mentioned before, I haven't been around alcohol much over the last two years. So on the odd chance that I am around it, I find myself watching other peoples drinking habits. I saw nothing that made me speculate about a co-worker with a possible drinking problem. When I first quit drinking that probably would have made me feel angry or jealous. Now, I'm just happy for them.
Anyway, as usual, I'm rambling. All I wanted to say was that I understand where you are coming from on many levels. Keep her goin eh.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 23, 2016 14:05:37 GMT -5
Hey Brett, That was great that you were able to go to a party and not even feel like drinking. A very inspiring story.
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