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Post by Dana on Sept 16, 2015 11:52:57 GMT -5
or... Part Two... or The Next Chapter... or Another Leg - I had to pick one so I went with The Sequel. I'm still thinking about copying the 1,400+ posts from our old digs over to here. It's just turned out to be such a daunting task. Anyway, if I do then I shall call it "Dana's Journey - The Prequel" (maybe). Like "Go Set A Watchman" is the prequel to "To Kill A Mockingbird", although it takes place 20 years later so maybe that's not right, but it was actually written first, so I don't know! Lol
At any rate, what I wanted to talk about today is that I heard yesterday that bananas begin to ferment when they get really brown or black, and have alcohol content when they get that way. I don't know how true it is, but I bought it because I know they are high in sugar. And I've been looking at my bananas a little bit differently ever since I heard that! I eat a banana just about every day as part of my mid-morning snack but they are definitely yellow, sometimes with brown spots but not totally brown. I know I have nothing to worry about there, but I felt like I was keeping a secret with this new (to me) information! So I told my sponsor about it - it's just GOOD for me talk about it. I can see myself, if left unchecked, eyeballing those bananas and seeing just how ripe they could get and then doing a little taste testing of my own to see! LOL!! I'm certainly not going to get drunk on a banana, right? So let's just see... and then if all goes well, maybe I can pour a little vodka in my milk (big book reference) - see if it doesn't affect me when it's in milk, and then try another, and then I'm off to the races! Ha!
But when I talk about it, it takes all the power out of it. And I can see just how silly that line of thinking/reasoning is, and it's over before it even starts. Whew! :-)
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Post by jeyu0422 on Sept 16, 2015 18:24:27 GMT -5
Dana,
If one became addicted to bananas, would he or she then be deemed a bananaholic or a bananaddict? Sorry, just couldn't help myself, but I AM one step closer to a sticker for my locker!
Mark/Jeyu
"Whatever it Takes"
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Post by Dana on Sept 16, 2015 18:39:39 GMT -5
Haha! Stranger things have happened. 'isms' come in many forms!
I wondered today, why do we, er well... *I* always talk about being 'addicted' to something? Like a tv show, for example. Why can't it just be that we (I) happen to enjoy the tv show a really whole awful lot?
Keep it up Mr. World Traveler - oh! wouldn't it be cool to earn that sticker for your locker whilst your down under?
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Post by Dana on Oct 1, 2015 10:26:14 GMT -5
Well, I guess that's it... the discussion forums at the old place are officially gone. I am glad however that the home pages over there are still intact. There's a ton of information at alcoholism.about.com - there's just no discussion forum anymore, which is why we are here at proboards (thank you BuddyT!). I've been spending a lot of time lately doing 12th step work. There's a program around here called 'Bridging the Gap' (BTG) for which I am a volunteer. I don't know if maybe it's everywhere? In a nutshell, it bridges the gap between jails/institutions and AA. When a female who has asked for help is about to be released in my area, I get to make contact with her and arrange to take her to some meetings and introduce her to the women of the rooms, answer questions about AA, make sure she has meeting schedules and phone lists, encourage her to get a big book and a sponsor, sort of help her get her feet under her. I've had a real eager beaver on my hands the last couple weeks! She seems to be really ready for a different way of life. When she was locked up, she went to the AA meetings that were brought in and filled out the paperwork that she wanted to be contacted by a BTG volunteer, and that is only but a beginning. It makes my heart happy to be able to do this, and it helps keep me sober too. I really really really hope she sticks around. But all I can do is the footwork, and leave the results up to God. And since this opportunity gets me to more meetings, I get to see people I haven't seen in a while and catch up - which is also really great! And then I was asked to go on another 12 step call, the kind I'd never done before. There's a woman across town who has drunk herself into real bad shape. Her husband has thrown up his hands in defeat and left with their teenage son. At the end she was urinating and defecating all over the house, she fell and bloodied her face and blacked her eye and cheekbone and chipped her tooth, she was taken by ambulance to the emergency room (I'm not sure who was there to even call the ambulance), and she was admitted to the hospital. It wasn't until a couple days later that I went on this 12 step call to the hospital room - she was pretty sedated, and doctors just trying to make sure she doesn't die from the alcohol withdrawals. She looked horrible. And I kept thinking... yep, that could have been me had I kept on down the road I was on. So we sat with her and told her that there is hope, she doesn't have to live like this anymore, that we are here to help her if she wants it, and maybe some of it got through, I don't know. I went the next day by myself and she was sleeping pretty peacefully. So I sat down in the chair by her bed and read a portion of chapter 2: there is a solution, quietly to myself. I said a prayer for her, and for all of us. Truly humbling.
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Post by JoeY on Oct 8, 2015 3:25:16 GMT -5
Dana this is exactly the kind of thing i saw happening to me if i wasn't able to stop drinking, some scary schit for sure. i think it wonderful that you have volunteered your time for the BTG program a win/win proposition for you and them. i've always wanted to do some type of volunteer work but i need something that's on a walk in basis not a scheduled one. if anyone has any ideas on that i'd appreciate the input.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 8, 2015 19:23:01 GMT -5
Hey Dana, I must have missed your story. It didn't come up as 'unread'. The new forum can be a bit frustrating. I agree with Joey that its so great of you to take the time and effort to visit these people. I've read about them in the Big Book but never met anyone who did this. High five to you! A sad story, that could easily be me in the hospital.
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Post by JoeY on Oct 9, 2015 6:32:46 GMT -5
again i had nothing to show this as an unread mail as mentioned by kim???
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Post by Dana on Oct 14, 2015 9:01:55 GMT -5
The woman is home now with hospice. It's just a matter of time. When she was still in the hospital she had told the doctors/nurses that she didn't want us to visit anymore. So then it was just family that was allowed in, and sadly there wasn't much of that. I think her husband is her primary caregiver right now, until the end. Morbidly, I wonder what the death certificate will say she died from. For sure it's alcohol that's caused her esophigal somethingorother and internal bleeding. Soon she won't have to fight her demons anymore.
The friend who took me there asked how it makes me feel... I feel sad; grateful that it's not me; frustrated that she doesn't/didn't want recovery; but mostly just hoping she goes quickly. I asked my friend the same question - she's mostly just letting go and letting God.
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Post by JoeY on Oct 14, 2015 9:26:02 GMT -5
this type of ending make me sad as well. i'm not sure if you're aware that our friend tammi (flutterby) passed on a few weeks ago. she kind of had her own death wish and at age 49 fulfilled it. i was close to tammi and had to witness it (not in person) over the last couple of years. my first cousin debbie (under 50 as well) also died in the same way, not willing to give up that drink/drug/lifestyle that would keep them here. will you still keep on with the work?
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Post by Dana on Oct 14, 2015 21:24:33 GMT -5
Hey JoeY - I'm sorry to hear about Tammi, and your cousin as well. It's so hard to witness the struggle. I've learned a lot from Al-Anon, directly and indirectly, about healthy detachment. Being able to care about someone... but not feel compelled to enable them, it's hard to do but important to practice I think. My mom, for example, has 'ism's of her own and I believe has taken advantage of me over the years. And I've allowed it of course, all in the name of 'helping' her. But I've come to realize she needs the kind of help I can't give. If/when she's ready for a lifestyle change I will gladly be right by her side and help how I can, but I'm no longer enabling her in the behaviors that have caused the problems. I still love her and I care so much about her and I pray for her, and I hope for the best for her, but I'm not bailing her out anymore. This woman passed away this morning. The struggle is over; she can rest now. Her husband is a widower now, and his birthday was yesterday. I don't know how old he is, but if I had to guess I'd say in his mid-50's. I would/will do it again. You never know when something you do or say might just be the thing someone needs. It was too late for this woman, but maybe it won't be too late for the next.
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Post by JoeY on Oct 15, 2015 4:55:14 GMT -5
Hi Dana, well not so sure i could handle being around that sadness by choice so my hats off to you for that. i have a step sister (49) that had a stroke 2 years ago from living a hard and fast life and she'll never be able to live by herself again and if she were somehow improve to the point that she could she'd go right back to the drinking and drugging life style. i hope the widower will be able to rebuild his life and find some long sought for peace with it as well. i'm glad that you're able supporting your mom without enabling her must be a tightrope act act for you at times i bet. so is the cycling year over with or does it go all year round?
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Post by achilles1957 on Oct 15, 2015 8:17:40 GMT -5
Hey Dana, I applaud you for your wisdom and bravery with regard to your mum. To be able to carry out what you've learned when confronted with a real-life situation, particularly when it's someone you love, takes courage and real knowledge.
The reality of the disease of "isms" has really struck me tonight. We hear of the possible fatality, the progression, etc., but to really 'know' that death and despair is a reality, is a drink away, just one bad choice... well, I don't know but sometimes I wonder why anyone would want to consume a substance that is potentially lethal. I mean I know why I did and I know why people do but when I really think about it, it just makes me wonder. It seems so simple, just don't drink alcohol ... simple once the obsession has gone ... it surely wasn't so simple at the time.
I had a great meeting today.. We had a newcomer and the meeting became an id introduction. Listening to other's stories of where they came from, where they are now and how they choose to continue to grow was greatly appreciated by this 'oldie'. Being able to tell part of my own story was a healthy reminder for me .. I will take nothing for granted and will not become complacent. This disease is so real and it IS progressive. My old voice telling me that I'm different, that could never happen to me, I'm more powerful than that, I would surely do something before it got that bad, is just BS. It's real and it could happen to anyone.
Today I am a grateful alcoholic, today I am sober.
Thanks for the inspiration Dana.
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Post by JoeY on Oct 15, 2015 10:01:51 GMT -5
i did drugs and drank because i was not comfortable in my own skin...now i am
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Post by Dana on Oct 15, 2015 17:16:15 GMT -5
Hi Jenn, thanks for your message. I've been meaning to tell it's so nice to see your smiling face! And now it's transformed to a butterfly <sigh>.
I wanted to write more, but I keep getting interrupted... darn work gets in the way. I'll have to come back to it.
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Post by Dana on Oct 20, 2015 23:23:24 GMT -5
I went to her memorial service today. The place was packed. It was a wonderful service - she was loved by many. The video montage showed a young striking couple in love, the future looking so bright. Pictures of her as a young mother, devoted wife. And later with their older daughter and younger son - all smiles - one might never have known there was something amiss. The people that spoke about her described a beautiful caring loving generous warm soul, who loved her family with all her heart... someone who thought of others before herself. It was super touching. I wish I had known her. The woman I met in the hospital bed was not the same woman these people knew and loved. The disease of alcoholism had destroyed all of that. It's good to know those wonderful memories will live on in the people who were blessed enough to know her before she got so sick.
The pastor touched on her alcohol problem. I guess it was no secret she battled this thing for many years. In her most recent attempt to get well she joined a church based recovery program, where she had accepted Jesus as her savior and asked for forgiveness of her sins. That's all it takes to get to Heaven - we don't have to be perfect. If we had to be perfect, nobody would be going to Heaven. Unfortunately, she still struggled. But even though she sometimes doubted her faith was enough, it wasn't for her to judge - it's by God's grace that we are forgiven and accepted into the Heavenly hereafter. The pastor said it way better than I'm trying to paraphrase here... at any rate it was good. Think it gives those left behind some comfort and peace.
I don't know why some people get it and some people don't. She didn't want it - and nobody could *make* her want it. All the re-habs and recovery programs, every resource at our fingertips - some people just don't want it, or get it, or see it - that there IS HOPE even when feeling hopeless. I was hopeless too, but I'm doing okay now. But for the grace of God...
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