venting about life, close to my rock bottom... Dec 5, 2021 15:39:56 GMT -5
Post by arc1183 on Dec 5, 2021 15:39:56 GMT -5
I first became an alcoholic around 2014, ended up with 2 DWIs, joined wellness court, a "sober court" where I regularly attended court ordered AA meetings and out patient treatment. I did fine with that, had no relapses and graduated. Now, I am married as of 8/ 28/ 20, and have 2 step sons. I do work full time, but since i' ve been off probation, I had been increasing my alcohol use. My husband doesn't even like to drink, but he doesn't want to tell me what to do, so when I ask him if it's ok if I have a drink, he just tells me that i'm an adult and can make my own choices. I know that's not a "yes" but my addicted brain takes it as a "I don't care if you have one"... I have been going out with my friends drinking more lately. At home, I have been sneaking drinking and hiding bottles around my closet, and on a couple occasions, my step sons came home to me passed out drunk on the couch. I wanted a drinking buddy so much that I stayed with a girl friend over the weekend and ended up cheating on my husband with her. I tell myself every time that I shouldn't drink because I know once I have one, I can't stop. I know it's wrong but I feel the addiction so strong, that I end up drinking anyway. we rent our house now and just signed to buy a house 3 hours away from where we live, just so I can go back to college.. now and after everything I have messed up, he threatened to divorce and how I just tore this family apart an lose it all. I am so broken and feel so guilty and shameful. I can't stop messing up and don't know how to stop. I'm hoping this forum can help me stay motivated to stay sober, I have been in AA and ready to try something new. thanks for reading.