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Post by jeyu0422 on Mar 4, 2016 21:06:39 GMT -5
Wow Brett, I certainly know the feeling. This time of year is really rough on me as well from a stress standpoint. For years I managed this by working hard all day long, then hitting the bottle on the way home. That worked for years until it didn't. Many of us have been down this same path to alcoholism. Since alcohol is no longer an option, I have had to find other methods of stress relief. This may not work for you, but I have tried something recently that has helped me. For years, I have gotten up and rushed to take a shower, get dressed, and grab a cup of coffee on the way to work. My stress level is high when I walk in the office and just continues to elevate as the day progresses. When at work, I go full speed all day just trying to stay caught up. About a month ago, I decided to change some things around. I now get up about 45 minutes earlier than usual, then spend about 30 or so minutes enjoying a cup if coffee without rushing through it. I don't normally read the paper or get on my iPad. I just sit in my living room and relax; maybe meditation is the word. I have found that if I start my day without being stressed, the entire day goes a little better. Whatever you do to bring your stress level down, I think it's essential that you find something that works for you (and please share it). For me, stress is the single biggest threat to relapse. Mark/Jeyu
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Post by gwampa69 on Mar 4, 2016 22:29:10 GMT -5
Jeyu It's funny that you mention that "start to the day "change. I started getting up earlier a while back as well. It seemed like a good idea to slow things down and enjoy myself a bit before the workday gets rolling. It's a great reminder that changes in a well engrained (ingrained?) routine are often necessary steps when pursuing and also maintaining sobriety.
One of the things I realized early on is that I needed to slow things down and simplify my life as much as possible. In the early days of stopping drinking, that was difficult with the divorce going on, kids going off to college and trying to patch my career back together. But I forced myself to make changes where I could and generally tried to alter my approach to life. What I found was that making simple changes and sticking with those changes helped to begin rebuilding my confidence as mine was pretty well shot. As time has worn on and thinking about drinking (and thinking about not drinking) has become less of an issue, I have found myself "accelerating" again. What I mean by that is I stopped consciously trying to slow down and just be and started once again getting caught up in all the little things that really mean nothing. In other words I have been "sweating the small stuff" when instead I should have been doing the opposite. It's all about priorities I suppose. Sobriety has to be the main one if any of the other good stuff is gonna keep happening. Thanks for the share man
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Post by Mark_LA on Mar 5, 2016 1:00:52 GMT -5
A timely series of posts, it would seem. I"m just coming off a nice 2-week vacation so I'm fully recharged at the moment, but I'm facing about a 6-week period of unbelievably heavy workload, and I'm uneasy about how I will handle the stress. I'll be checking in here more regularly so that the 3 of us hopefully can have each others' backs during this period. Nice to see some action around this joint.
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Post by gwampa69 on Mar 5, 2016 9:15:09 GMT -5
Hi Mark Glad to hear you had a good vacation. Extended vacations are a rare commodity for me. I've found that the lead up to the vacation adds even more stress trying to cover every base, planning for events that may occur while I'm away etc. My recent trip to Thailand was the first time in years that I actually took two straight weeks off. I put myself through he ll before I took that trip trying to control things that of course I would have no control over. The trip was unbelievable. Everything that I hoped for and a little more. I was so relaxed when I returned only to find that crap piled up while I was gone despite my efforts to avoid that before the trip. I allowed that stuff to quickly erode my feeling of being recharged and ready to deal with the grind again. There is a lesson there. And one to take heed of. I stressed myself out before a trip that was designed to relieve stress and enjoy myself. Counterintuitive? There is a big difference between taking care of business and trying to control every possible scenario. Trying to control everything around me is different than just being reasonably diligent in my daily life.
I would venture to guess that it's like this for most people. Life is a challenge for sure. Work is a central point of our lives. We need to do it to survive. But for me, I have to remind myself not to let it do more than that. I want to work to live my life, not live to work. Just like sobriety, its simple but difficult.
PS. The cool thing about this forum is the feeling that I have always had. That we all have each others back. That's the feeling that helped sober me up more than anything else.
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Post by jeyu0422 on Mar 5, 2016 15:27:18 GMT -5
Mark and Brett, It's good to see your posts. I know well the feeling of being overwhelmed upon returning from vacation. Not intending to sound too Trumpish, but few people who are successful in their careers can leave work and actually "leave work". I have never thought of that as a bad thing, but the stress associated with that personality must be effectively managed to avoid stress and the associated strokes, heart attacks, alcoholism (the list goes on). I can't do much about the fact that I want to and need to control things that are controllable in my work environment. The problem arises when I step over that line and attempt to control that which is beyond my dontrol. That is something that I continue to work on. Later, friends. Mark/Jeyu
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Post by gwampa69 on Mar 5, 2016 17:52:04 GMT -5
Mark and Brett, It's good to see your posts. I know well the feeling of being overwhelmed upon returning from vacation. Not intending to sound too Trumpish, but few people who are successful in their careers can leave work and actually "leave work". I have never thought of that as a bad thing, but the stress associated with that personality must be effectively managed to avoid stress and the associated strokes, heart attacks, alcoholism (the list goes on). I can't do much about the fact that I want to and need to control things that are controllable in my work environment. The problem arises when I step over that line and attempt to control that which is beyond my dontrol. That is something that I continue to work on. Later, friends. Mark/Jeyu Jeyu Great post. The last part (bolded and italicized by me) says it all. I suppose there are certain things in life that are controllable. Or at least subject to our direct influence that turn out the way we intend them to. The remaining stuff is kind of a crapshoot. That's not to say that I think we should not try our best in all things we do. I don't personally believe in destiny/predetermined fate, whatever happens, happens etc. We do have to try. Point is, we do need to continue to work on ourselves when we identify an issue that requires attention. I don't think anyone should ever consider themselves done with that particular part of being human.
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Post by achilles1957 on Mar 7, 2016 19:13:46 GMT -5
It sounds like you boys are, and will be, having some challenging times...stress, overwork, etc. I can only imagine the horror that would pervade if alcohol were to enter the mix :-0 Thank the stars, that option is no longer on the table. I've learnt not to freak out over the occasional "thought" of a drink, the re-wiring of the old brain takes some doing, habits die hard me thinks !! I only need to see the "thought" through to it's outcome of the past to know that it's not worthy of my attention. I won't give it the benefit of a doubt, I have to dismiss it for what it is...nothing, without action !! It has no momentum if I dismiss it immediately.
I used to fixate on the thought, fight with it, struggle...my ego would do battle and to prove that I had "control", I'd drink to show myself that I could, that I could "make" it work for me (like it did decades ago) only to end up in a foetal position. It does not work so let it go....I'm in a state of acceptance and intend it to last, no room for complacency.
I so hope you guys find the time to breathe, accept the unchangeable ... sort the small stuff from the big stuff and sweat only that which is worthy of you. Ohmygoodness, does that make sense at all ?
:-)
Take care for today,
Jenn
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Post by jeyu0422 on Mar 7, 2016 23:12:20 GMT -5
Hey Jenn. Yes, it makes perfect sense. I completely agree that it is no big deal to have the occasional thought of a drink, but one must be prepared to dismiss it immediately. I think these occasional thoughts can actually reveal work that still has to be done in recovery. You sound good and that is good to hear. Mark/Jeyu
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Post by hourbyhour on Mar 7, 2016 23:13:13 GMT -5
Jenn:
I, like everybody here I think, still get the occasional "urge". I had one today: a new leather sofa was delivered today, and I had this desire to just sit down and enjoy it with a beverage. Well, luckily that urge was fleeting.
I also get the small temptation to have a little just to "prove" to myself that I can. I know better, but that isn't what really talks me out of it. I almost don't want to be able to handle it because I have come to realize how nice it is have a zero intake. No money spent, no having to worry about any situations where alcohol could be detrimental (accidents, etc.), the improved situational awareness, being able to go do something in the afternoon/evening, etc. The list goes on.
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Post by Mark_LA on Mar 8, 2016 11:52:21 GMT -5
When you think about it rationally (which is hard to do with a brain that has been conditioned to think about alcohol emotionally), there's just never a good reason to drink -- especially once the addictive threshold has been crossed and any episode of drinking is destined to result in dire consequences which greatly outweigh any fleeting pleasure. Such a simple truth, and yet so hard to keep in mind when the "built-in forgetter" starts working its magic.
It's usually easier to keep the "forgetter" at bay when life is going well (but not always, as Jeyu has experienced). In times of stress -- including workplace stress -- most of us are more likely to revert to old patterns of thinking and behavior, which includes reaching for a drink to calm fraught nerves.
My strategy in the coming weeks will be to try to live a practical application of the Serenity Prayer and stay out of outcomes. To some extent, events are only as stressful as we allow them to be -- we have a choice of how to react, although it takes practice. Hopefully the work I've done in this area over the years will stand me in good stead when I'm battling horrific traffic on the 15th consecutive day of a 2-hour commute (each way) after being under the gun all day at the workplace.
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Post by Sam on Mar 8, 2016 16:20:18 GMT -5
Stress and boredom.....those two are my enemies.
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Post by gwampa69 on Mar 8, 2016 19:12:49 GMT -5
Hey Sam Now that you have driven a stake through the heart of your mortgage, at least the stress has been removed from your life right? ? As for boredom, baseball is right around the corner so... Life is bliss! Glad to see you around bud.
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Post by gwampa69 on Mar 8, 2016 19:17:52 GMT -5
Mark I don't know how you guys handle that traffic out in California. It's bad enough around these parts. Ever seen that movie "Falling Down"? Michael Douglas had the right idea.
One thing I do when I'm stuck in traffic (which is most days) is to look around at everybody surrounding me and realizing they are in the same predicament. Misery loves company right? It doesn't get me where I'm going any faster of course. But at least I know they aren't gonna beat there either.
Breathing helps too. And fantasizing about buying an awesome one man helicopter works too.
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Post by Sam on Mar 9, 2016 6:34:17 GMT -5
Hey Brett, There is a lot more stress in life than a financial one, but you are right, I still pinch myself that a chronic screw up like myself managed to pay off his mortgage. I actually paid it off for more than one reason, one is that I am a chronic screw up and didn't want to end up on the street in my old age. It's a good feeling, I highly recommend it.
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Post by gwampa69 on Mar 9, 2016 7:02:04 GMT -5
Hey Sam The ? After my stress comment was a winky face on my iPhone but it didn't translate to the forum. I'll try it again
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