Firstly let me introduce myself, my name is Stefan, I am a 33 year old gardener/alcoholic. I am, on paper, in the best position of my life. I have a great job, an amazing partner, a fluffy Newfoundland and all my own teeth.
I was diagnosed with depression by my GP earlier this year. I take 100mg of Sertraline daily. However, I'm now self-medicting with alcohol.
I guess I have always leared towards alcohol for a temporary bliss, having fought with anxiety for much of my late teenage/adult life.
My drinking has, however, become more toxic. It's affecting my relationships, my work, and my self esteem.
I went to a friend's bbq last Saturday, having been clean 2 weeks prior. I was poured a glass of prosecco. I'm now on my 7th day of drinking since then. I'm hiding it. I'm DUI. Family/friends are starting to notice.
I don't know what to do, I need guidance. I've been open about it to close friends and family, but no-one really understands how it is, to be an alcoholic.
Please direct me, I don't know which path to take.
Oh Stefan, I’ve been right where you are, so I know your pain and discomfort firsthand. Believe me, I do. I feel for you, friend.
The first step toward healing is to admit this problem is bigger than you are, and to reach out for help—and you’ve done that, which is awesome. This forum, or rather its predecessor (which was closed down about five years ago) was a godsend to me during my early days of sobriety back in 2010. The first days are always the hardest, and going to a gathering where alcohol is served is extremely unwise until you’re stronger—as you found out for yourself. Your first days should be spent taking care of you, eating good, nutritious food, drinking tons of water, doing some soul-searching about when your problem started and why, and analyzing the heck out of your slip-up at the bbq. I notice you said “I was poured a glass of prosecco,” which sounds like it wasn’t your choice. Did you try to turn it down? I’m thinking you weren’t quite ready to give up alcohol right then, but maybe you are now? That’s very, very important, Stefan. You have to want sobriety so badly you’re willing to go through some suffering in order to achieve it.
I’m glad you posted. I also encourage you to check out another site called Sober Recovery (dot com), which is quite a bit more active than this one.