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Post by everydae on Jul 21, 2019 7:57:00 GMT -5
Hi..so here I am. I have been drinking wine everyday for nearly 3 years. Alcoholism runs in my family. I want to quit and today is my day. As a mom of two kids, I want to better myself. I want to get healthy and live my life and not drink it away. So, here I am, looking for support, someone to hold me accountable... anyone out there?
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Post by jeyu0422 on Jul 21, 2019 8:35:35 GMT -5
Hi everydae, I quit drinking about 5 years ago and my kids were a huge reason for my life changing decision. I had let alcohol control my life. I wasn’t there for them either physically or emotionally. It was the hardest thing that I have ever done, but the best decision that I have ever made in life. This place is not as active as it once was, but some pretty incredible people should soon see your post and will be happy to give you advice and support. Keep your reasons for quitting in mind and you can get through this. Mark/Jeyu
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Post by PJ on Jul 21, 2019 9:21:38 GMT -5
Hi Dae, and welcome! You’ve made a wonderful decision; one that will transform your life, trust me. Almost ten years ago, I was exactly where you are right now. So I know you’re going through a huge mix of emotions: resolve, fear, insecurity, hope, uncertainty, etc., etc., etc. Congratulations to you for taking the first step!
I’d advise you to spend some time reflecting. How did you get here? Alcoholism may run in your family, but that’s only one small part of *your* problem. I say that because when searching for reasons and causes, people who are newly sober have a natural tendency to assign blame elsewhere: family history, stress, unhappy marriage, financial difficulties, peer pressure, sadness, and so forth. We’ve all done that; it’s just being human, and it’s especially prevalent in today’s “It isn’t my fault!” society.
We simply must stop blaming everything and everyone but ourselves if we want to get healthy—including giving up booze or any other substances.
So, back to you. Think about all that happened in your life to make you start drinking too much. Maybe it was trying to blot out personal problems, maybe it was trying to relax when stressed, maybe it was just thinking that life wouldn’t be fun without alcohol. Maybe it was all of these, or none of these. But this exercise can help you start getting to the root of your alcohol abuse and THAT’S how healing can begin.
At this point I will confess that what I’ve written is not something that AA would sanction—at all. I personally am not an AA fan, BUT I will not knock the group because I know many people who swear they would have died without AA. I encourage you to look into the various options available to those who want to get sober. If AA is the avenue you choose, you have my blessing.
I would write more, but I’m going on two days of a power outage and my iPhone is almost out of charge. I’ll look in here later to see how you’re doing. Others will also add their thoughts, I’m sure. I see that my dear friend Mark (jeyu) has already been here.
Take care, and get going on that self-reflection!
Warmly, PJ
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Post by angelina1512 on Jul 21, 2019 18:18:43 GMT -5
How lovely I got a message telling me that someone on the forum needed help. So here I am. I too came here lost, it’s been 5 years for me and I am such a better person without it.
Its not not easy but doable, you have to want to give up drinking more than you want to drink.
I lost a lot lot of things over my drinking, my kids, grandkids. So let me tell you it is a high price to pay. Don’t ever let that happen.
living without all of that, is like a knife in my heart, each day. Some people don’t lose everything, but you lose yourself.
i now own a cafe and have a liquor licence, have alcohol around me 24/7 and it doesn’t bother me.
when you start you just do it one day at a time. Then when it’s hard an hour at a time, minutes if that’s what it takes. When I reached 40 days my husband bought me a trophy, which I still have. I was so proud of that thing, 40 days without alcohol. Now it’s over 5 years and I would never drink again. I also used this forum to help me quit smoking, that was 4 years ago this August.
i like to think that I have all of these receptors in my head, the ones that tell you that you sooooo need a drink. They do die, but they are always there. So it would only take one to wake them all up again. I see them as all fallen trees in my head, dead, but still waiting.
i have thought about just having one, maybe I don’t have a drinking problem. But 8 would never want to wake all these trees laying down, ready to come to life and start partying all over again.
i have some wonderful friends from this forum, who I still keep in contact with. Could never have done it without them. So we are here if you need us. Good luck. We are all behind you.
angelina.
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Post by gwampa69 on Jul 22, 2019 0:38:39 GMT -5
Hi Everydae Welcome and congratulations on taking a very important step. As they say, acknowledgment of the problem is step one. And that’s a tough one for sure. Taking action by asking for some help is a big step 2. Also a tough one. Maybe the toughest. It was for me. I found help here. PJ, Jeyu and Ang are three of the folks that rallied around me in my early days. There used to be more around here but many have moved on. That’s ok it happens. I was in your shoes 5 years ago. I felt helpless and alone. My life was in shambles. But things can change. You have taken the first steps.
As PJ mentioned, there are a lot of reasons that people slide into a drinking problem. There is time for figuring that out later. That’s the key to long term sobriety. For right now though, stopping drinking is paramount. As a close friend of mine once told me, things get easier the further away you get from your last drink. He was right. Sharing your story will probably help as well. When you are ready for that, please know that the people around here will not judge and more than likely, will be able to relate. Probably with personal experiences very similar to your own. Good luck and nice to see you here.
Gwampa
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Post by gwampa69 on Jul 22, 2019 0:38:51 GMT -5
Hi Everydae Welcome and congratulations on taking a very important step. As they say, acknowledgment of the problem is step one. And that’s a tough one for sure. Taking action by asking for some help is a big step 2. Also a tough one. Maybe the toughest. It was for me. I found help here. PJ, Jeyu and Ang are three of the folks that rallied around me in my early days. There used to be more around here but many have moved on. That’s ok it happens. I was in your shoes 5 years ago. I felt helpless and alone. My life was in shambles. But things can change. You have taken the first steps.
As PJ mentioned, there are a lot of reasons that people slide into a drinking problem. There is time for figuring that out later. That’s the key to long term sobriety. For right now though, stopping drinking is paramount. As a close friend of mine once told me, things get easier the further away you get from your last drink. He was right. Sharing your story will probably help as well. When you are ready for that, please know that the people around here will not judge and more than likely, will be able to relate. Probably with personal experiences very similar to your own. Good luck and nice to see you here.
Gwampa
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Post by everydae on Jul 22, 2019 5:15:39 GMT -5
Thank you all so much! I did actually give my story, but for some reason it didn't post. Anyway, PJ, I didn't mean it to sound like I was blaming my alcoholism on my family history, but after recently finding out that both of my dads parents were alcoholics and my grandmother died from cirrhosis definitely put a scare in me. Alcohol has always been in my life. My stepdad was a bar manager when my mom first married him and they drank heavily. I started drinking when I was 15 and completely stopped when I was pregnant with my son and only drank on rare occasions. 3 years later I had my daughter, still not drinking and didn't really drink until I moved back to my hometown (military orders) 5 years ago. I work from home now, so there is no change from leaving work to starting on home daily duties, like cooking or cleaning. Alcohol made mundane chores and tasks more tolerable. I used to love cooking when I got home from work, but now I just look forward to the glass of wine I drink while I cook and do dishes. At some point, alcohol gave me something that made me feel good, gave me something to look forward too, and was something just for me. Eventually a glass of two of wine a few nights a week turned into a whole bottle a night. This has been going on for 3 years now. I dont want to be the one that introduces alcohol to my kids, I want to be more attentive and involved. Alcohol has to go. I have been through really hard times in my marriage before and didnt drink, but I did run all the time to get through it. Almost as addicting as alcohol. So I work from home now, kids are home with me all day during the summer, hubby is deployed, and drinking is way to convenient. I enjoy being outside and working in the yard or playing with my kids, but that is about it. I would consider myself a high functioning alcoholic. I still can get up and work and exercise and get everything I need done, but I cant stop moving or turn my brain off in the evenings, so I turn to wine. I know I need to create new habits and get out of this daily routine, but its hard when I live in a bubble. No excuse. I am on day 2 now. And I cant tell you how excited I am to find this site and to hear all of your kind words. I told my husband I had a drinking problem, but I dont think he believes me. He let me drink and even bought me wine, and now he is away for 6 months, so I want to do this for me and my kids now. I know I can do this, I just need someone to talk to and to help support me. Again, thank you sooo much for being complete strangers and taking the time to help me. I cant believe how emotional I am writing this.... it feels like a release to know people are out there that understand and wont judge me, but will uplift and support. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
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Post by angelina1512 on Jul 22, 2019 5:37:38 GMT -5
You are already on day 2, well done. Do you have a hobby? I painted, which I found great to keep me busy. Keeping the hands doing something else. I remember telling my husband that I was going to give up, for a month, then when I started having withdrawals I knew it had to be forever. No good giving it up for a month and going through all that again.
i use to come here if it was tough, someone was always around. Now that we know you will be here we will all definitely help.
i live in Tasmania, Australia. I am married, i own a cafe and I talk a lot to customers. My husband loves to cook so I let him do that.
i make the coffee and entertain the customers. Lol. I serve alcohol, I have 4 fridges full of it and it doesn’t bother me. But it was a hard road and one I never want to ride on again. I’m done. I could never go back to that.
so check in when you need someone. Not sure where you are but I’m always behind the time. When I get up I would find out everyone was talking while I was sleeping. We use to have such fun here. Once I was on the forum and I was laughing so hard I fell out of bed. That was with a fellow from England, Yvan was his name. He and I use to have a great time. I stopped me from thinking about the booze.
i never went to AA but some here have and found it good, some didn’t. I found this was enough for me, it worked and I’m still sober 5 years later.
so welcome to the forum. My name is Angelina aka tutu.
Just talk about anything you feel comfortable about. Just don’t drink.
angelina
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Post by jeyu0422 on Jul 22, 2019 7:40:35 GMT -5
Everydae, Congratulations on making it to day two. It’s a big deal. I was a functioning alcoholic as well, drinking 6+ servings of some type of alcohol nightly, then getting up and going to work the next morning. I quit many times over about 20 years only to talk myself into believing that I could handle alcohol “this time” and that I could start drinking again in moderation. Each time I quit and restarted, alcohol gained a little more control over my life. As TuTu said, take it one hour or day at a time, but realize that those cravings will return and hit you hard, especially during the next month or so. Speaking of getting up and going to work, I must go. More later. Contratulations again on your big decision! Mark/Jeyu
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Post by everydae on Jul 22, 2019 9:41:22 GMT -5
It is nice to meet everyone. Angelina, I actually watercolor paint, but I used to love sipping on wine while I did that, so that is something that I need to change for sure. What kind of painting do you do? I live in South Carolina so we are just short distance apart... lol. Jeyu, I have told myself the same thing about being able to moderate my drinking, but always end up on the same path again of drinking too much. I will keep you all updated as I make my way through this journey. Thank you for listening!
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Post by PJ on Jul 22, 2019 21:54:47 GMT -5
Hi again, Dae! Sorry it took me so long to respond. Our power came back on last night (thank GOD) so today was “crazy catch-up” day. 😃
First, please know that I wasn’t saying you’re making excuses or blaming your drinking on anything, and I apologize if what I wrote sounded like that. I was speaking in general terms based on what I’ve observed over the years. It can be really difficult for some people to just throw their hands up and say, “Know what? I have a serious problem. Whatever led me here, I did this to myself and it’s now up to me to figure out what I’m gonna do to fix it.” Even if someone started drinking because of severe trauma, he or she needs to face it down and acknowledge that drinking never helped a damned thing—in fact, it makes problems exponentially worse. As I’ve often said, when you sober up after a major drunken binge, everything you were trying to escape from will be right there, big as life, staring you in the face.
You already seem to be miles ahead in terms of facing your problem and opening up about it, which is awesome. That kind of ability/willingness to face down your demons (whatever they may be) will serve you well.
One of the things you said rang a bell with me: about working from home and the challenges of creating new habits. I’m a writer who also works from home and I, too, struggled with creating a new routine that didn’t involve booze. It’s tough at first, no doubt about it. I bought bags and bags of Tootsie Roll Pops and kept them in bowls all over the house. I drank tons of water and ate a number of small meals each day, rather than the usual three meals a day. I doubled up on vitamins. One of the most profound differences almost immediately was how beautifully I slept at night. I will never, as long as I live, forget how I felt when I woke up the first morning after one full day of no alcohol. I woke up refreshed, happy ... and had no hangover for the first time in what seemed like forever.
Those little milestones are what will keep you going. You’ll do something that makes you feel proud of yourself, and you’ll do something else, and then something else ... and before you know it, you’ve built yourself a foundation for continued success. And if you fall down—which you might—your foundation will still be there for you to fall back on.
In your last post you mentioned feeling emotional, and oh my, how truly normal that is. I sobbed my way through early sobriety, and my emotions ranged from extreme guilt and despair to euphoria. That’s okay, though. It’s all part of the healing. Crying is good for the soul.
There's only one thing you wrote that I’ll take issue with: that we’re complete strangers. Nope ... we’re friends, not strangers. And we can help you get through this just like other folks helped us.
Hugs, PJ
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Post by everydae on Jul 23, 2019 6:37:30 GMT -5
PJ thank you for the support. I didnt make it through day 2. One stupid bottle of wine left, and i slowly sipped it down. Back to day 1. There is no more wine now in the house. I should have got rid of that bottle before I commenced this journey. I feel embarrassed and ashamed.
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Post by jeyu0422 on Jul 23, 2019 7:40:31 GMT -5
Dae, For YEARS I did the same thing. I had this huge resolve to break the grip that alcohol had on my life and was 100% committed to quitting, until all of a sudden, that commitment was gone and I was drinking again. Sometimes the attempt lasted several days, sometimes just a few hours. I finally made it work out of desperation. I found that each time I quit and started drinking again, the grip that alcohol had on me got a little stronger until I finally realized that I had no more next times. I had to make this work this time. Fear, desperation, and guilt are strong motivators, and when I truly believed that this time was the last time, I was able to reclaim my life. For some, it is a life changing event that allows that final push; a DWI, an accident, jail time. For me, it was the realization that I had let alcohol become more important to me than my relationship and time with my family. I missed seeing my teenaged daughter hitting her one and only home run in softball because I was sitting in my car having a last drink before going to see the game, and get this, I was at the game, just in the car having a last drink. I could give you many other examples of things in life that I missed because of alcohol, as can most of the posters here, but you either have or will eventually have stories of your own to tell. You may not be there now, but I expect that you will eventually get to this point. I truly hope that you find that strength of desperation before you have years of stories to tell of what you missed in life due to alcohol. You will never get those years or those experiences back. When you’re ready, dust yourself off and get back on that horse. Best of luck on your next ride! Mark/Jeyu.
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Post by everydae on Jul 23, 2019 9:58:56 GMT -5
Jeyu,
Thank you! I know I can do this. I am going to try my best to refocus. I dont want to miss things in my kids life or have a life altering event to make me stop, i want to stop now so I dont have those things happen. I am glad Im not alone. I feel so weak at times.
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Post by PJ on Jul 23, 2019 12:07:05 GMT -5
We're all weak at times, Dae. You'll probably beat yourself up for a little while, and that's okay -- I've certainly done that. But then get up and say, okay, I screwed up, I learned from it, I'll start again. And then do it.
I believe it was Angelina who said that you simply have to want a life free from alcohol more than you want a life with alcohol. And that's correct. It sounds easy enough, but it's NOT easy. Alcohol wraps its ugly tentacles around most every aspect of your life, and in order to be free from alcohol, you have to do a whole lot of untangling. That's hard. It takes work, and commitment, and time. And patience.
And self-love. After giving yourself a good swift kick in the butt for slipping, give yourself credit for working to make a better, healthier you. That's important.
Hugs, PJ
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