Post by jamesdwyer83 on Jan 9, 2016 10:03:34 GMT -5
Hi... I found some solace in the old Buddy T forum when first quit drinking (three years in March). I am struggling a bit at the moment and was trying to find the forum again, I'm guessing this is a new version?
Post by beachwalker on Jan 9, 2016 10:43:37 GMT -5
Hi James, sorry to here you are struggling and yes this is the old Buddy forum. I haven't been here recently not since it was at the old forum, seems pretty quiet here now. Hopefully peeps will start coming out of the woodwork and say g'day. what are you struggling with?
Post by jamesdwyer83 on Jan 9, 2016 11:42:53 GMT -5
It's mega hard to find, took some proper detective work!
Thanks for replying. I don't know really, when I quit it wasn't because I had to have a drink as soon as I opened my eyes or because I was going to die but because I just couldn't manage my life. I drank every day and as soon as I had a drink I had to have ten and then I had to have cocaine and then I just had to stay out until I collapsed which led to all kinds of poor life choices that ruined a lot of lives or at the very least caused significant distress to parts of their lives. Anyway my point is that I feel like I quit a lifestyle in a way. When I quit my little boy had just been born and all my time and energies were taken up with that new baby madness and I got a new job and threw myself into a whole new life that needed dedication and building.
Fast forward nearly three years and I am so bored I don't know what to do with myself. I quit smoking three months ago and joined a gym to try and make that a kind of obsession but I just feel like I may as well join the priesthood and be done with it.
It was such a struggle to get sober that I know, at least every day, that I won't pick up that day but in the back of mind there is a voice screaming 'go out and buy a pack of fags and go drinking'.
I won't but if I'm truthful I really, really want to, more than the first day I stopped.
And people don't get it when you try to explain it, they think you're being self indulgent and selfish and weak and entitled and all that jazz, which you are of course.
Which kind of brought me here, I remember when I first quit and had an odd bad day I'd just come and have a read and the act of just doing that, aside from the encouragement from others stories, in itself made me feel a bit more focuses and resolute.
Hi James. I'll be 3 years sober in March too, so we have around the same time.
I think it's quite normal and expected to have these sorts of thoughts and feelings at times. I certainly do, although they're rare nowadays. Like you, I find that reading other peoples' stories on a daily basis helps keep my thinking on the right track and my "addictive voice" at bay. It's helpful to have repeated reminders that a return to drinking is absolutely destined not to work out well, as that insidious alcoholic "voice" (the one screaming "go out and get a drink!") has a way of sneaking around and eroding rational thought if I don't take good care.
Forums in general have decreased in popularity as other forms of social networking have arisen, and this forum in particular really doesn't have much activity. However, there is still at least one pretty active online recovery forum around. I believe the rules prevent me from supplying a link, but if you Google "Sober Recovery" you'll likely find it. The newcomer's forum there provides me with a dose of reality, and I browse through it every day even if I don't post much. Sometimes just the sheer number of threads titled "Day One" or "I Relapsed" -- not to mention the tales of utter misery they inevitably contain -- are enough to keep me on the beam!
Best of luck to you, and I would say that your persistence in seeking out the old forum that helped you three years ago is a very positive sign!
Post by jamesdwyer83 on Jan 9, 2016 14:30:23 GMT -5
Thanks Mark, I really appreciate you replying, I will look that up. Congratulations on nearing the 3 year mark, it doesn't feel real to me, I can remember the panic of contemplating just one day! Thanks again and all the best.
Hi James and Welcome. I'll be two years this April. I have found that the times when I have struggled are those times when I have nothing to focus on; nothing to look forward to. That was a problem because I felt stagnant in life. For years, I DID have something to focus on daily, and that was drinking when I got off of work. I looked forward to it; planned for it. When I quit drinking, that motivation to make it through the day was gone as well. I have found that this was something that I could correct. I have taken on several DYI projects, I'm painting, and I'm writing a book. I spent probably 50 hours over the last three months building a pretty elaborate birdhouse. My 4 year old grandson and I put the finishing touches on it this Christmas and it's up in the back yard now. Some bluebirds have already checked it out for their new spring home. The DYI may be less than perfect, I know the current painting sucks, and who knows about the book at this date. The point is that I have found things to get excited about in life and they have made a huge difference. They are little things and certainly don't cost much money, but they give me pleasure and provide balance to my life. They give me something to look forward to and have furthered my sobriety. Again, welcome. I hope you stick around. Even though it may be quiet around here, when someone puts out a call for help, that call is usually answered by many truly caring people. Mark/Jeyu
Post by beachwalker on Jan 9, 2016 18:42:15 GMT -5
Well done on 3 years! That is great. Be wary of those rose colored glasses though alcohol for alcoholics usually does not equal fun. Well done on quitting smoking too and joining a gym. I have heard of people getting addicted to gyms I wish I could I think it would be a great addiction. I want to do the Kokoda Trail in Papua New Guinea so am trying to get fit enough as it is a very demanding trek. something in your life needs to change if you are bored, and if you make the right choices you will be happier and you will be a better dad. Your needs are important. Take care and all the best.