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Post by yvan on Dec 9, 2015 9:49:35 GMT -5
This morning when I woke up, I was thinking that two years ago, at this time of the year, I was gone. I relapsed after my first attempt to live sober. After nine months I thought I could have a drink and be in control. I lost it, went through hell and hell to recover. December reminds me more than any another time of the year that I am an alcoholic. I stopped the madness a week before Christmas, a relapse that reminds me that alcohol will always be my enemy, ready to destroy me if I dare to challenge it. There's not much I can say now otherwise that I don't miss anything about alcohol. Like many alcoholics, I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. Why couldn't I never drink likes others, I found finally a simple answer. I couldn't, I can't and I will never be able to. As long as I will never forget why I am sober, I will always remember that I am an alcoholic. I don't regret anything, I had difficult times but I believe that everything that happened during those two years had a purpose. Today I feel blessed, my life is good, I live one moment at a time, I take the time to enjoy it and I deal with life as it comes. Living sober is a new way of thinking, reacting and acting in everyday life. I learnt, I grew but I needed time. Time has been my best friend. No magic wand, only hard work, determination and patience. I had the choice, quitting drinking if I wanted to find peace. This choice has been the best choice I have ever made, still amazing actually when I think about it, I used to drink for different reasons, escaping whatever I could escape was one of them, now I am myself and I love it. It's a journey, it goes on and I trust life that knows what's good for me when the time is right. If anyone new in sobriety reads this, it can be done if we want to, only if we want to. I got a lot of help and support, but first of all it was an inside job. No one could do it for me. Take care all and wish everyone posting or reading to have a great day or a good night.
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Post by Sam on Dec 9, 2015 14:34:17 GMT -5
Congratulations on 2 years sober Yvan.....you're da man!
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Post by BetterDaysRJ on Dec 10, 2015 1:22:10 GMT -5
Good on you Yvan, you speak some very true words!!
RJ
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Post by angelina1512 on Dec 10, 2015 3:42:20 GMT -5
Hey Yvan,
well ill done for reaching your 2 years. What a great job that is. I'm not far behind you. I remember when I first looked up withdrawals and found this place, you inspired so many on that site. It was when I read that site that I knew I could never drink again. I think knowing that from the start made it sink into my head quicker. Not one, not ever.
I am so glad you are happy and things are going well for you. I hope you have found a special cow, as it's always nice to have someone to share things with. You so deserve a life of knowing that happiness is what you make of it. Glass half empty or half full.
next thing you can think of tackling is the smoking, also doable. Hard but knowing what you know about not drinking you can do it as well. Your done smoking when your done smoking. Same as drinking.
i am in Sydney at the moment, showing one of my paintings to a restaurant owner so hopefully I will go well. If not I will keep trying. Stay well and happy Yvan and drop in once in a while and let us know how you are.
angelina/tutu
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Post by gwampa69 on Dec 10, 2015 6:52:04 GMT -5
Hi Yvan I know it's probably not the real point of your post here but I wanted to give you a sincere congratulations on your accomplishment. And it is one. A big one.
Your story has been a consistent source of strength for me. You totally get it. The backstory of alcoholism is a nasty one for all of us. Yours has left me both shaking and nodding my head at different times because the pain you left behind was palpable in your writing.
The joy you experience and share about the little things you notice everyday is proof enough that a sober life is the better life.
I hope you have a great Christmas this year.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 11, 2015 20:38:20 GMT -5
Hey Yvan, Congratulations on your 2 years, the time just flew. I wish I could say I was a year's sober by now but I can't. Your strength and tenacity in beating this awful disease has been a constant source of inspiration to me. Glad you are still around and posting.
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Post by yvan on Dec 20, 2015 5:00:08 GMT -5
Hi everyone. Thank you for your posts. 2 years, done it, there's not much I can add to what I already said. It hasn't always been an easy journey, I went through difficult times, but I have no regrets, I would do it again. I had doubts sometimes, not sure if sobriety was going to change my life for the better, but it did. I know life can be unpredictable, I dont know about tomorrow but I know my strength sober, I know who I am sober, and I know I will always deal with difficult times sober. Sobriety has become to me a normal and natural way to live, no more questions, alcohol belongs to another life, I love being sober but I am aware that the beast is asleep in me because I am an alcoholic and I will always be an alcoholic. I know what could bring the beast back to life and I know that it would bring me only suffering and destruction, nothing else. I went to a huge Christmas party yesterday. Many people, lot of fun and lot of alcohol. I asked myself why I couldn't have a drink, just one. It's Christmas. We all know, don't we? One drink wouldn't have been enough, I saw all of them going back to their normal life the day after, maybe with a hangover, and me in the wineshop in the very early hours to buy a bottle and more during the day. Back to misery. That's the difference between normal drinkers and alcoholics. Christmas is not the best time of the year for some of us but when it's over, life continues. No change. My thoughts go especially to you Kim. Fight for a sober life, do it for yourself, don't wait for your family to give you a purpose to stop drinking, your own determination to stay sober from now will bring you some peace from a start and with time YOU will change your life for the better. It happened to me, it happened to others. I've never heard here or in AA an alcoholic saying that since they got sober, their life got worse. Have a happy and sober Christmas all. PS. No tutu, not a special cow yet. Maybe 2016. I hope she lives not too far and I don't have to travel. I haven't got the money anyway! I don't believe in Father Christmas but I still believe in love at first sight. Sorted.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 20, 2015 10:02:37 GMT -5
Hey Yvan, Your posts are always encouraging. Its good to know that I'm not the only one who has doubts if it will make life better. Will people still want to know me now that I am in a different frame of mind? One of my many fears, but it is 1am here so my mind has nothing to do but think. I can't wait for the day when sobriety becomes a natural way for me to live as well. I'm proud of you Yvan for not picking up that one drink at the christmas party. High five to you for even making it through the party. It shows how far you have come. I like what you said that since people have got sober, it never made their life worse. Something to think on while I try to sleep.
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Post by gwampa69 on Dec 20, 2015 11:50:16 GMT -5
slimkimKim Of course people will want to know you in a different frame of mind. Because you will be in a better frame of mind and the truer form of Kim. Not that you aren't lovable now. I hope you see my point. A sober Kim will be a better Kim. And anyone that doesn't want to know a sober, healthy, happy, prosperous Kim, well they simply aren't worth your time. Don't forget, when you strip all the celebration and religious meaning away, Christmas is just a Friday (this year). For an alcoholic, Booze never makes any day better. Christmas Day, New Years Day, birthdays, or Friday's.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 20, 2015 15:23:47 GMT -5
Hey Brett, I was awake the whole night. Its now 6.30 am. You are right anyone who doesn't want to know the real me isn't worth it. Thanks for the encouragement. I'll try to think of Friday as just Friday, another day. Time soon passes and it will be over.
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Post by Pam on Dec 20, 2015 15:30:56 GMT -5
Kim, Consider making plans for the day instead of spending it alone . . . Just a thought. . . Take care. . . Pam
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