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Post by gwampa69 on Dec 6, 2015 20:20:17 GMT -5
Hello You I see you have been visiting the forum. I imagine you reading some threads and trying to decide whether you want to jump into the fray. You probably have questions. When is the right time? Is there ever a right time? Should you post if you are still drinking? Should you wait until you can drink no more? You may fear being judged. You may not know what to say. You may not even quite completely believe that you are an alcoholic. You may have a suspicion and if you do, then you have probably identified alcohol as a problem in your life. You may be wondering how other people can seem to share so freely. Maybe it seems impossible to you because of how you have lived your life up until now. That last one was me all the way. Maybe you have no intention to open up at all. For a while, that one was me also.
When I found the original forum, I was at a pivotal moment in my drinking. I had accepted the fact that I was an alcoholic. I was frightened and ashamed of what had happened to my life. What happened to ME. I was frightened about the fact that I could not quit on my own. I had tried and tried doing it the hard way. Alone, using sheer willpower blah, blah, blah. I was frightened about the prospect of attending a meeting and admitting to others (and openly to myself) that I was an alcoholic and needed help to quit drinking alcohol. I needed some other option. I felt like I was dying. My health was deteriorating. I was frightened and sick of being scared all the time. That fear of face to face sharing is what prompted me to type "Online Alcoholism Meetings" into the great and powerful Google machine. It turns out it was the best thing I have done in my life. No doubt about that.
When I first found the old site, I read for a few months before I posted the first words. I read while drinking and I read while hungover. I realized at some point that I was merely continuing to live in the same fear I had known before. Only difference was that I was now actively trying to do something about it. Actively, but I was still drinking. Over time, I began to feel a kinship to the posters on the forum, even though I had yet to participate. At one point, I felt that posting while drinking would be a form of cheating. Remember, I was drunk still so my thoughts were still quite jumbled and incomplete. I decided that I would post my first post only after I could scrape together a couple of alcohol free days first. And that's what I did. I wish I hadn't waited for that to happen first. I lost time. If I remember correctly, my first post was very short. It was my call for help. And help came. It is still coming. I have met some folks here that I consider friends. They are part of my life now outside of the forum. They are my support network and I am a part of theirs. That's how this place can work if you let it. Please consider letting it. The help you get is just the start. The help you may give becomes the best part. That's how its been for me anyway.
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Post by quitat54 on Dec 6, 2015 23:00:15 GMT -5
Great Post Brett. Reaching out to those who need help and encouragement. Reading your early posts and Mark's helped me immensely and continue to help me. You are right about those early days. Whoever reads the post please know that there is a tremendous resource here, human resource. Don't think that you are alone. Many of us have gone through what you are experiencing right now. And let me assure you that you will never regret a decision to stop. Even if you slip, you will try again, and gain, and again... The road to success, as in any human endeavour, requires determination and persistence. Once you experience the joy of being sober you will long for it even when you are drinking. And lastly, please don't delude yourself that you can control your drinking like many alcoholics do before they accept that they cannot. The basic question is: Why is it important to control your drinking? People who are not alcoholics do not have to make an effort. They simply don't drink to get drank. So if you harbor that notion, forget it and embrace the life of sobriety and be willing to put the effort and time, especially early on, and ongoing vigilance.
J
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Post by Dana on Dec 7, 2015 9:47:08 GMT -5
Yep, I kept my distance in the beginning too. I would read and read and read, searching for answers to questions I couldn't quite articulate. I got so much out of everyone's sharing, but once I started participating it took my healing to a whole new level.
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lou
New Member
Posts: 5
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Post by lou on May 7, 2017 16:41:09 GMT -5
I know it's a long shot that this will be seen as it seems a ghost own here now. Brett, your initial Drowning post gave me so much hope when I was seeking a way out of my self inflicted hell... back then, I desperately wanted to chat with all involved in the forum but could only type a few words of thanks because I was so petrified because I didn't understand how to share my story. Where to begin? Everything stays so jumbled up that I can't make since of things- I would sit over my IPad trying to will some word to type, to no avail. Now I find myself here again, desperately needing to find my way out of this way of life and I find your post above. It felt like you were directly speaking to me (of course you weren't)- but it made my realize that my fear is stifling. I want to say how much I appreciate each and every person that had the courage to open up here and at the last place, you could never imagine how much it's been appreciated. I'm at a place where my drinking is clearly the only obstacle between me and happiness- I live in perpetual guilt and feel the imminent regrets constantly. My question is this, how do I stop the cycle without losing my life? Many evenings are spent drinking wine on the phone with girlfriends- it feels like an epidemic of which I'm the only one with issues the following morning. It feels so stupid that this is so hard- they love me and will understand that I use these evenings as a trigger...obviously, I use everything as a trigger, as one does. I spent two months sober, many years ago, when my alcoholism was taking shap. It was the happiest time of my life! I was so in touch with my spirituality, content and happy. I then used a life change to ruin it- and it did. Now I'm ten years older and my health, relationships, spiritual growth and looks are pathetic. I stared at a glass of wine today for quite some time, finally picked it up and started writing. Brett, if you happen to see this- although I'm still struggling, those two posts spoke to me and I'm forever grateful. As for the old forum, every single one of you inspired me to at least be at a place that I look forward to being where you are. I will kick this and I thank you all for being the constant in my head. Never think your words go unnoticed- I'm sure I'm not the only scardy cat lurking. I do apologize for my punctuation, or lack ther of!
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Post by gwampa69 on May 7, 2017 20:47:10 GMT -5
Hi Lou First let me say that I'm glad you are still coming around, reading through threads and looking for answers. It's encouraging because it means this place still has some life and some meaning for folks struggling with alcoholism. More than that though, the fact you are here means you haven't given up. That's the most important thing and that should give you needed hope and strength to continue pursuing sobriety.
Angelina, aka "Tutu of Tasmania" and all around awesome person and close personal friend of mine (lucky me!) emailed and told me about your post. Thank you Tutu. She is still watching over this place too. That makes me feel good too. She cares and so do I.
I think for me, the initial post was the hardest step. Afterwards, I was greeted with such warmth, support and understanding that it was impossible for me to turn back. It's a lucky thing it worked out that way. The forum literally saved my skin. It's done that very thing for many people. It works because we understand each other. Our differences pale when compared to our similarities. The pain addiction causes binds us together and that's where the healing starts I think.
I'm not sure where you are in the world in terms of time zones, but I'll make this pledge to you. If you keep talking, so will I. You already took the first step. That's a difficult thing to do but the beauty is, you only have to take that first step once. And it it will always lead to the next one as long as you want to be sober more than you want to be drunk. (The words of Mark LA, trademark pending).
Hang in there
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Post by angelina1512 on May 8, 2017 5:25:08 GMT -5
Hey Lou,
im so glad you came back. Giving up drinking is never easy, it takes a lot of guts to continue each day, one day at a time, and each day, or hour you stay strong, is a victory. I have been sober now over 3 years, the first week I thought I was going nuts, but i survived. Then I got a month behind me, each month was a huge achievement. Not one person here did it easy, but we did do it.
i think just getting some time under your belt. Your head will become clearer, you will sleep better but not at the start.
life IS better sober, but only a sober person can tell you that. You have to dig deep, and you have to want to " not drink more than you want to drink".
None of us thought it would be easy, but it is doable. I wish you all the luck, hard work, dedication, determination and remember there is such a great life sober.
angelina aka Tutu.
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Post by Mark_LA on May 9, 2017 0:26:31 GMT -5
Whoa, an actual alcoholic needing help! On THIS forum! Who'd a thunk it! Glad I happened to check in today.
Lou, all of us with some time under our belts can only smile wryly (and with compassion and affection) at your post. We were all there, exactly there, right where you are. Part and parcel of the insanity of addiction is that hopelessness, that confusion, that jumble of emotions, that demoralization, that simultaneous horror and dread and revulsion towards alcohol while still being completely helpless to stay away from it.
There IS a way out.
Exactly how you find your way out isn't the important part. Methods can be (and are) debated until the end of time, but what counts most is reaching that point of desperation where you're ready to do whatever it takes to leave this madness behind you.
One of the many pearls of wisdom bequeathed by this forum's dear departed Grampa Dave, and one which I have observed to be true time and time again, is: in order to stop drinking, first you must STOP DRINKING.
While it's true that stopping drinking is only the beginning of recovery, no real recovery can begin until you stop drinking.
Start with one minute at a time, then one hour, then one day -- whatever it takes. The goal initially is to get enough abstinence for your brain to begin to clear from the effects of alcohol. You may THINK you're thinking clearly, but if you can gut out 30 days without taking a drink, I guarantee you'll be amazed at the difference in your thought processes. Well, you said you were once sober for 2 months and noticed the change, so you know.
Once you start feeling better, the urge to drink may be overwhelming. That's when some kind of recovery plan becomes essential. But let's take it one step at a time. Step one is to STOP DRINKING and get through initial withdrawal safely.
Withdrawal can be dangerous, so the stock advice here is to seek medical assistance for detox. If you can do so, I'd recommend it. However, I'd also caution against using fear of withdrawal complications as an excuse to continue drinking.
So what's it going to be? Do you want to be sober more than you want to be drunk?
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