Post by gwampa69 on Dec 6, 2015 20:20:17 GMT -5
I see you have been visiting the forum. I imagine you reading some threads and trying to decide whether you want to jump into the fray. You probably have questions. When is the right time? Is there ever a right time? Should you post if you are still drinking? Should you wait until you can drink no more? You may fear being judged. You may not know what to say. You may not even quite completely believe that you are an alcoholic. You may have a suspicion and if you do, then you have probably identified alcohol as a problem in your life. You may be wondering how other people can seem to share so freely. Maybe it seems impossible to you because of how you have lived your life up until now. That last one was me all the way. Maybe you have no intention to open up at all. For a while, that one was me also.
When I found the original forum, I was at a pivotal moment in my drinking. I had accepted the fact that I was an alcoholic. I was frightened and ashamed of what had happened to my life. What happened to ME. I was frightened about the fact that I could not quit on my own. I had tried and tried doing it the hard way. Alone, using sheer willpower blah, blah, blah. I was frightened about the prospect of attending a meeting and admitting to others (and openly to myself) that I was an alcoholic and needed help to quit drinking alcohol. I needed some other option. I felt like I was dying. My health was deteriorating. I was frightened and sick of being scared all the time. That fear of face to face sharing is what prompted me to type "Online Alcoholism Meetings" into the great and powerful Google machine. It turns out it was the best thing I have done in my life. No doubt about that.
When I first found the old site, I read for a few months before I posted the first words. I read while drinking and I read while hungover. I realized at some point that I was merely continuing to live in the same fear I had known before. Only difference was that I was now actively trying to do something about it. Actively, but I was still drinking. Over time, I began to feel a kinship to the posters on the forum, even though I had yet to participate. At one point, I felt that posting while drinking would be a form of cheating. Remember, I was drunk still so my thoughts were still quite jumbled and incomplete. I decided that I would post my first post only after I could scrape together a couple of alcohol free days first. And that's what I did. I wish I hadn't waited for that to happen first. I lost time. If I remember correctly, my first post was very short. It was my call for help. And help came. It is still coming. I have met some folks here that I consider friends. They are part of my life now outside of the forum. They are my support network and I am a part of theirs. That's how this place can work if you let it. Please consider letting it. The help you get is just the start. The help you may give becomes the best part. That's how its been for me anyway.