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Post by Sam on Dec 5, 2015 19:38:43 GMT -5
From my experience early recovery is the hardest part of recovery after the decision to stop drinking, but what is early recovery? For me it's the first 6 months, and that is not very accurate, because the first few minutes, hours and days to one week to one month to 6 months is not the same, and that's all early recovery. The point here is early recovery, however you want to define it, is crucial to a long term recovery.
Here is why, while making the decision to stop drinking must be the hardest thing an alcoholic makes, it is what comes after early on that is the real challenge and where most relapse. The transition from an active out of control drinker to abstain from drinking sends the body and mind into shock, a shock that can easily be dealt with by going back to drinking to ease the pain and to deal with another pain that I am accustomed to that is sort of a comfort zone. An alcoholic is used to drinking every day or binge drinking or whatever, it's auto pilot drinking because that is the way it is and always has been for God knows how long. Try to break that and problems will sure follow.
The challenge of early recovery is to find and learn how to replace alcohol with a healthy alternative to dealing with daily life and to break the habit of drinking everyday all day, to break the dependence on alcohol whenever I need to escape a moment in time. It is hard and must be taken one day at a time, even a few minutes at the time. It is very helpful to understand that it will get better with time, this too shall pass, and to do whatever is necessary not to drink, distraction works well also.
I say this from my own experience, I relapsed mostly in the past because I did not know how to handle early recovery. A feeling of uneasiness, boredom, headaches, unorganized thoughts, a long time habit and emptiness inside drove me back to the bottle where I found instant relief, it did not matter the consequences at that moment, I wanted out of my feelings and I wanted it now, alcohol provided this relief, so back to it I went.
There is no way around going through early recovery, being prepared and understanding what to expect helps a great deal, it is like going for a medical surgery, the more you research it and speak to people that did it, the more mentally you are prepared to dealing with it. Early recovery is the first few steps to recovery, knowing what it is and what to expect is key to overcoming the challenge of staying sober and not relapsing.
Sam
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Post by achilles1957 on Dec 5, 2015 21:10:52 GMT -5
I don't know Sam, but right now I'm feeling that I'm a coward. Weak, unable to handle life's situations without reverting to my crutch.
My son has been staying with me for the last month, he's not happy with his life and it's nigh on killing me. I just drove him to the airport, he's gone. My first reaction is to go for a drink, something I haven't felt in ever so long. I thought it was gone ... my desire to obliterate. It's not and here I am writing with tears rolling down my face and really, I mean really wanting it to stop. The thought of him not being happy or actually suffering is more than I can bear.... why is this so? Why do I feel such an obsession with their happiness that I can't seem to cope with the thought that they aren't. When my daughter is unhappy, it's hands on, I can't fix it but just the mere fact that I'm pro-active in fixing it allows me to feel valid. Right now I feel helplessness.. completely out of my comfort zone and ever so vulnerable. I believe I am a coward.. What do "normies" do in these circumstances...they just grin and bear it, do whatever they can and so be it. I, on the other hand, have this illusory friend that I can go to, to obliterate this ####e, let me get off the merry go round..the cowards way out. I've always thought of myself as being so strong, I'm renowned for my strength in the eyes of my children, my extended family and others in my world.. but now I feel ever so cowardly.
I feel as weak as ..
This reliance on an outside "fixer" hasn't left me Sam. I have over a decade sober/abstinent (bar 12 days) and there's something, still in my memory, dna, that tells me I can get a way out of this "moment". Today I don't want to sit in this moment, I want it to be gone and I want everyone in my world to be in their rightful place.. That in itself shows that I am seeking and demanding an existence with the gods, my entitlements and my vision of grandeur are functioning and that scares the hell out of me. I so thought I was over this ...??
By crikey I hope I feel better tomorrow.
Jenn
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Post by Deleted on Dec 5, 2015 21:59:49 GMT -5
Hey Jenn, I'm really sorry to hear you are doing it so tough. It must have been heartwrenching watching him get on that plane. I don't believe you are a coward. There's a big difference between thinking about a drink and taking a drink. I can't really comment about how you feel with your son just that I would feel the same if it was my child. It might take a few days to feel better, your emotions are so raw at the moment. Sending you lots of hugs from Brisbane.
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Post by Sam on Dec 5, 2015 22:23:40 GMT -5
Hey Jenn, I hear you Jenn, but let's get something straight, you are not a coward, far from it. I have read enough of your posts to really admire you, you come across as a level headed woman with compassion. No one who cares so much about others like you is a coward, no one who devotes time and energy to take care of refugees is a coward, no one who is as decent as you are is a coward, no one who cares so much about her children is a coward. Allow me to voice what I think from knowing you for a long time and reading your posts to say that you are totally committed to your children, and as a mother that is natural and there is nothing wrong with that, but (and there is always a but Jenn that is also your weakness. The recent injury to your son affected you greatly, is what I gather from your posts. You are a perfectionist and have a desire for the world to be as such, but the world is not! I firmly believe to take care of our loved ones and the ones that we care about is to take care of ourselves first and foremost ( I did not stop drinking for anyone but me, and I am taking care of my family as a result of my sobriety). Second, you and I would love to fix the world but we can't, it is what it is, as much as I dislike the saying. I am like you Jenn, I worry about my two young adults children everyday, but I am learning to let go, I am learning not to be a helicopter dad, I would be in the way of them learning life if I did, and I don't want to as life is not always kind. Wipe your tears lady....and count your blessings. All the best, Sam
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Post by gwampa69 on Dec 5, 2015 22:40:06 GMT -5
achilles1957Hey Jenn I'm sorry you are feeling so torn up right now. Sam said everything that I feel about you as well. You are going to be ok. This will pass and you will feel better if you can just be patient and process all of these feelings. You're well on your way. I don't think I've ever seen anyone as tuned in to how they feel and why as you seem to be. It's scary how the idea of drinking can pop back into our heads when we are faced with emotional stress. It seems like it may never go away completely. I don't know if it will or not but I do know this much and so do you. When the idea comes, we both know it's not an option. No matter how bad we are feeling at the moment, booze will only make it that much worse. Every single time. Take care of yourself like you take care of everyone else that you love.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 5, 2015 23:25:23 GMT -5
Hey Sam, Great post about early recovery. You described my experience so well.
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Post by yvan on Dec 6, 2015 5:57:40 GMT -5
I don't know Sam, but right now I'm feeling that I'm a coward. Weak, unable to handle life's situations without reverting to my crutch. My son has been staying with me for the last month, he's not happy with his life and it's nigh on killing me. I just drove him to the airport, he's gone. My first reaction is to go for a drink, something I haven't felt in ever so long. I thought it was gone ... my desire to obliterate. It's not and here I am writing with tears rolling down my face and really, I mean really wanting it to stop. The thought of him not being happy or actually suffering is more than I can bear.... why is this so? Why do I feel such an obsession with their happiness that I can't seem to cope with the thought that they aren't. When my daughter is unhappy, it's hands on, I can't fix it but just the mere fact that I'm pro-active in fixing it allows me to feel valid. Right now I feel helplessness.. completely out of my comfort zone and ever so vulnerable. I believe I am a coward.. What do "normies" do in these circumstances...they just grin and bear it, do whatever they can and so be it. I, on the other hand, have this illusory friend that I can go to, to obliterate this ####e, let me get off the merry go round..the cowards way out. I've always thought of myself as being so strong, I'm renowned for my strength in the eyes of my children, my extended family and others in my world.. but now I feel ever so cowardly. I feel as weak as .. This reliance on an outside "fixer" hasn't left me Sam. I have over a decade sober/abstinent (bar 12 days) and there's something, still in my memory, dna, that tells me I can get a way out of this "moment". Today I don't want to sit in this moment, I want it to be gone and I want everyone in my world to be in their rightful place.. That in itself shows that I am seeking and demanding an existence with the gods, my entitlements and my vision of grandeur are functioning and that scares the hell out of me. I so thought I was over this ...?? By crikey I hope I feel better tomorrow. Jenn Hi Jenn. I am sorry you feel this way. I know the feeling of feeling hopelessness, I know the thought of having a drink to numb the pain, forget what is going on and fluck it all. I did it last January. I had a couple of drinks and thank God I stopped. I saw myself getting drunk but I saw no change. Getting drunk wouldn't have resolved anything, just more pain added to the pain. I saw myself being even more useless and going back to feeling terrible because of the drinking. Was I a coward? No, a human being and when the pain becomes unbearable, being an alcoholic, the thought of numbing the pain with a drink crossed my mind. I couldn't avoid it, it just did. I had two drinks and I threw up. Was it because of my stomach or my heart, both, but I stopped, I woke up and that was the most most important. I got stronger very quickly, I understood and just accepted that there was nothing I could do and I had to go on with my life. No escaping the reality but facing it. The usual thing. Your son is not happy at the moment but he will one day. He is maybe stronger than you think, if you want him to stay strong Jenn, you must stay strong. It's life on Earth, same for all of us whoever we are. From joy to sorrow, from happiness to tears, life goes on and always with hope. I am thinking of those mothers who have lost their children killed in Paris, how do they cope with the pain? I suppose they will survive because of the ones who remain alive love them even more and need them more than ever. You're going to be ok Jenn. Give some time to those feelings to pass and you will get your strength back. A drink takes our strength away. That's all it does to us. It takes us away from the reality for a instant and we finish on our knees being the losers. Hugs Jenn. I understand your pain.
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Post by Pam on Dec 6, 2015 6:30:53 GMT -5
Hi Jenn,
I hope you are feeling better today . . .
Pam
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Post by bethanne711 on Dec 7, 2015 15:55:52 GMT -5
I don't know Sam, but right now I'm feeling that I'm a coward. Weak, unable to handle life's situations without reverting to my crutch. My son has been staying with me for the last month, he's not happy with his life and it's nigh on killing me. I just drove him to the airport, he's gone. My first reaction is to go for a drink, something I haven't felt in ever so long. I thought it was gone ... my desire to obliterate. It's not and here I am writing with tears rolling down my face and really, I mean really wanting it to stop. The thought of him not being happy or actually suffering is more than I can bear.... why is this so? Why do I feel such an obsession with their happiness that I can't seem to cope with the thought that they aren't. When my daughter is unhappy, it's hands on, I can't fix it but just the mere fact that I'm pro-active in fixing it allows me to feel valid. Right now I feel helplessness.. completely out of my comfort zone and ever so vulnerable. I believe I am a coward.. What do "normies" do in these circumstances...they just grin and bear it, do whatever they can and so be it. I, on the other hand, have this illusory friend that I can go to, to obliterate this ####e, let me get off the merry go round..the cowards way out. I've always thought of myself as being so strong, I'm renowned for my strength in the eyes of my children, my extended family and others in my world.. but now I feel ever so cowardly. I feel as weak as .. This reliance on an outside "fixer" hasn't left me Sam. I have over a decade sober/abstinent (bar 12 days) and there's something, still in my memory, dna, that tells me I can get a way out of this "moment". Today I don't want to sit in this moment, I want it to be gone and I want everyone in my world to be in their rightful place.. That in itself shows that I am seeking and demanding an existence with the gods, my entitlements and my vision of grandeur are functioning and that scares the hell out of me. I so thought I was over this ...?? By crikey I hope I feel better tomorrow. Jenn Hi Jenn, just a quick note to let you know my heart goes out to you. You've been given lots of wonderful advice. Not sure I can help but want you to feel better. I just wanted to tell you that, friend ! Beth
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Post by achilles1957 on Dec 7, 2015 22:56:45 GMT -5
Thanks to all of the above, your words do help. I haven't drunk but holy mother of ... this is a bad one. I thought I was over this.. does it ever go away?
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Post by Pam on Dec 7, 2015 23:07:01 GMT -5
Let's hope so . . . or at least it gets a bit easier over time . . .
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Post by jeyu0422 on Dec 8, 2015 13:29:46 GMT -5
Hi Jenn, I just checked in and saw your post from Dec 5th. I was sure glad to see you post again yesterday! I think that we (and I hope you will allow the "we" here) tend to want to do anything to protect our children, because for so many years, that is just what we have done. We try to absorb the pain so theirs will go away. We try to fix things because we think it is the right thing to do, but is it actually doing them good to try to take their burdens away from them and place them on our own backs? Probably not, because what we are doing, in effect, is attempting to provide them the escape that alcohol has provided us for so many years. In fact, if and when our children realize that coming to us with their problems causes these responses in us, they tend to isolate themselves from us trying to protect us, their protectors. I say "we" and "us" because I know this problem very well and have gained some understanding of it. This, in my unscientific opinion, is another form of addiction, that being addiction to a person, codependency if you will. I have deeply felt many times over the years that if my children were not happy, it would be impossible for me to be happy. If I couldn't fix things in their lives, then I was failing in my job as a parent. I have come to discover that the most important thing that I can do for them is to provide the sober stability of someone who loves them and will advise them, but also treat them like the adults that they are and trust them enough to know that they will eventually work through these problems in life. Jenn, I'm certainly glad that you are making it through this personal crisis without going to the bottle, because I feel that your being strong is the most important thing that you can possibly do for your son. When you get through this, I think that you will have made a huge step toward your long term recovery. I wish you the best. Mark
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Post by Sam on Dec 8, 2015 19:22:15 GMT -5
Hey Sam, Great post about early recovery. You described my experience so well. Oh yeah, my original post... thanks Kim.... I don't really mind, I am just kidding, hope Jenn is doing well, and you too Kim Sam
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Post by gwampa69 on Dec 8, 2015 20:39:31 GMT -5
Sam That's hilarious. Thanks for injecting your humor into this place. You crack me up. Hope everything is continuing to tick along well for you. Things are good here. Actually bordering on great.
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Post by Sam on Dec 8, 2015 21:36:58 GMT -5
Hey Brett, everything is good with me brother, all is well here. Hope all the same with you. Merry Christmas to you and yours....all the best
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