Addictive Personality

[angelina1512]

Hey everyone,

since being at my sisters I have been thinking about the difference in her personality and mine.

For example, last night as usual my sister was having a few wines, husband was being a pain, her husband. So on her last wine she says to me, " I'm out of wine should I go down and get some more" I said I can drive down and get some for you.

she decided no, she wouldn't have any more. She isn't a smoker but every 5 years or so she will have a packet, smoke them and back to nothing.

now what I don't get is why can she doe that, start stop, not worry about having another bottle of wine in the house just in case. As much as I wanted to spoke I knew " just one" I can't do, but she can.

we are very much alike in everything else, but not this. Now what I want to know is my brain wired different to hers that I can't say no, is there a medical condition that says I have an addictive personality and she doesn't.

so I thought this might be something we could look at and discuss. Why her and not me. We both have the same parents.

i would really like to know why I can't, she can. I can't have just one with alcohol or smokes, once I had one I would have 100. 

So some input would be good.

angelina 

[Mark_LA]

Well, you might have been born blind, and your sister sighted. Or deaf, and your sister with hearing. Or as a man! (the horror!) The point being, just because you and your sister are siblings doesn't mean you can't have significant genetic differences.

A controversial (and contentious) poster on the old forum used to insist that because a specific genetic marker for alcoholism had not yet been discovered, that meant there could not be any inherited component to alcoholism.  I never agreed with that.  We don't yet know everything, and there's more than enough anecdotal evidence to suggest a connection.  We just haven't figured out exactly how it works yet.

I don't spend as much time worrying about the "whys" of my alcoholism anymore, as they don't have any bearing on what I need to do in order to recover.  I was born with what they call "perfect pitch," meaning I can know what note you're playing or singing without your telling me.  It's been useful in my musical career, but I don't spend a lot of time pondering why some people have "perfect pitch" and others don't.  It's not relevant to what I need to work on in order to succeed in my career.

[jeyu0422]

To TuTu and the Artist formerly known as Mark.......,

I breed race horses and I have two full siblings. Same sire (dad) and dam (mom). Both were born the same year via embryo transfer. Both are mares (females). One of them is a chestnut color and is a pretty well known race horse. The other one is grey and can't outrun me. Same genetics? No, even though they are full sisters. The way genetics works is that the father contributes 1/2 of his genetic makeup and the mother contributes 1/2 of her genetic makeup to form the offspring. Although it is likely that full sisters have significant genes in common, they are just as likely to share no genetic material as they are to share all.

I do feel that there is a hereditary predisposition to addiction, and when that genetically susceptible individual is exposed to an environment in which addiction can occur, addiction occurs. There is a small Texas company that just finished positive Stage Three trials on a drug that acts to inhibit the expression of a gene having to do with the production of serotonin in individuals with carcinoid syndrome. It would be a long and complicated explanation, but the jist of it was that they were able to create a drug that "turned off" a gene in an individual genetically susceptible to a certain condition.

By the way, I kinda miss the old controversial contentious poster, especially since I know that if we both live long enough, I will win this genetics argument. (I guess that statement could be considered controversial and contentious). But he would never give in anyway. He would say that it doesn't matter because recovery is much more than just breaking an addiction. He would say and has said that "...... alcoholism being a symptom has a purpose and the purpose is recovery, that is, if one realized that it's a symptom. Those that don't realize this whether they continue to drink or not, tend to live a miserable life."

No argument here.

Later, my friends.

Mark/Jeyu
JFDI

[Deleted]

Hi Ang,

Just a quick note ... this thread doesn't need to be in the Off-Topic folder; it's certainly a relevant, interesting topic that could fit in General or some other category. I'm not sure if you can change the folder it's in, but I'd move it if you can. Who knows how many people might relate to the "addictive personality" topic.

Hugs to you,
PJ

[angelina1512]

Hey PJ,

now you are asking me to do so etching impossible. Remember I'm blonde lol. I don't know how to move it. But I could re write it in another site if you like. Or maybe you could move it for me, or Buddy T could. 

Remember i I don't need stress, I'm still not smoking. :-) nearly a month :-)) I'm so god damn proud of myself I could just burst.

its a beautiful sunny day down under, absolutely glorious. I have been on the phone to my sister, hard when she isn't doing well and I'm happy. Seems disrespectful, but I'm ok with it.

so move it PJ or tell me how, when I say " move it PJ" lol I mean the subject. That made me laugh MOVE IT PJ :-))



ang

JFDI 

[murrill]

This is always an interesting topic (unless it becomes contentious!), and it seems to rouse the nature versus nurture debate. I suspect that I am the product of some of each: I have a long and stellar family history of alcoholism, suggesting a genetic component, and I am from a rather dysfunctional family. Who's to say that I would have turned out differently if I had grown up in a healthy environment but carried the as-yet-unidentified genetic marker? I'll never know. Many people dispute the "addictive personality" description, but I know that it has been far too easy for me to consume in excess: Alcohol, cigarettes, food, spending, etc. Sometimes I think my life just one more episode of letting go, of surrender. The other side of that, and I've seen it it in many recovered alcoholics, is that the same propensity for excess may also drive my need to excel, to create, to learn. It means that I am sometimes difficult, but I can also be a delight.

Carl Jung referred to "our shadow selves," or the dark side of the light. Recovery occurs when we bring the dark side to the light and integrate it with the whole. My opinion, anyway.

In years past I have also asked, "Why me?" Humility responds, "Why not you?" Indeed, why not? As ugly as it was when I was in the grip of alcoholism, my story today is richer and deeper than it would otherwise have been. I have also learned that other people have their pains as well, even it they were not attached to alcohol. I would rather not compare my insides to their outsides. It is not fair to either of us. I believe that insatiable craving is my spirit begging to be fed and nurtured. Alcoholism--or at least my recovery from it--taught me to read those cues. I have the tools, the ones that saved me from my addiction, and they apply regardless of the situation.

I have spent many hours wondering who I might have been had I not experienced this or that, and at the end of the day I have to admit that it does not matter. What matters is who I am right here, right now, and if I don't like it, I can make the choices to change it. Good topic.

[achilles1957]

Hi Murrill!
Welcome to the forum.  I totally relate to your post, each sentence resonates deeply.  

Today I'm a grateful alcoholic, I like who I am therefore am accepting of everything that has happened in my past, enabling me to be who I am today.  I stopping dissecting the whys - nature vs nurture, etc - I'm one of four daughters of two alcoholic parents, my sisters are not alcoholic however they all have their demons as with humanity in general I guess.  

I beleive my alcoholism has been a gift to me in the sense that it has inspired me to go above and beyond the confines of normalcy ..  in my search for freedom.  I no longer see it as an impediment but rather view it as more of a stepping stone or path to wherever ??  

I do believe that some folks crave more of everything ... my cravings for alcohol/everything (and the process of eliminating those cravings) have allowed my 'dark side' to surface and co-exist rather nicely with my light... at the moment ;-)  I need to take nothing for granted, maintenance is vital for me, I never want to trust/use alcohol again.   I want to use what my addiction has taught me to further my evolution as a human being.  I've learnt so very much from it, I guess that's why I'm so grateful. 

If if even the smallest of experiences in my past were altered, I wouldn't be who I am today .. therefore, no room for regrets.  


Jenn

[Dana]

I felt early on in life that I had an "addictive personality" ... although I really wouldn't have been able to put into words what that meant exactly. I just knew that if I took those drugs that my friends were taking - that I would get hooked. Cigarettes and alcohol were different, though, you see... they were legal, even though I wasn't legally old enough to buy or use either - that didn't matter. I was enjoying them. Even though I knew deep down I was already hooked, on the surface I maintained that if they ever became a problem I would stop. And I spent the better part of the next 25 years trying to quit and/or moderate. Quitting smoking was by far the hardest thing I've ever done. But FINALLY at 38 years old I put out my last cigarette. And then at 40, the alcohol. Now it's coffee that I can't get enough of. There's always something. Why can't it be exercise? lol

[quitat54]

I think that addictive personality would predispose us to addictive behaviour. Often there are more addictions present, whatever they are, be it behavioural or chemical. I smoked for 27 years. It took me 3 years to quit, and I have been smoke free for almost 6 years. Beside alcoholism I straggle with another issue, which could be described as addiction. So maybe it is genetic for me. All I know from self-observation, that addiction has always been an escape for me, until it became debilitating obsession.

I like the statement that at the end "whys" don't matter, not much anyway. I don't believe that there is any true benefit from dwelling on the past. Life is a finite journey and relieving the past is a waste of life and shortening the journey. If we briefly look back to learn from our mistakes that's different, however reliving the past, whether the experience was good or bad is not productive.  I agree that our past shaped us to what we are right now.  Am I grateful for what happened to me to make me who I am?  I would not go as far. 

I appreciate that I am still alive and accept that causes and conditions were such as to bring me to my present situation.  Everything has cause and effect.  Some we control some we don't, yet here we are.

J

[doodoodotdot1]

Aug 25, 2015 2:10:09 GMT -5 angelina1512 said:

Hey everyone,

since being at my sisters I have been thinking about the difference in her personality and mine.

For example, last night as usual my sister was having a few wines, husband was being a pain, her husband. So on her last wine she says to me, " I'm out of wine should I go down and get some more" I said I can drive down and get some for you.

she decided no, she wouldn't have any more. She isn't a smoker but every 5 years or so she will have a packet, smoke them and back to nothing.

now what I don't get is why can she doe that, start stop, not worry about having another bottle of wine in the house just in case. As much as I wanted to spoke I knew " just one" I can't do, but she can.

we are very much alike in everything else, but not this. Now what I want to know is my brain wired different to hers that I can't say no, is there a medical condition that says I have an addictive personality and she doesn't.

so I thought this might be something we could look at and discuss. Why her and not me. We both have the same parents.

i would really like to know why I can't, she can. I can't have just one with alcohol or smokes, once I had one I would have 100. 

So some input would be good.

angelina 

Hi Angelina
I hope you're doing well.  You're going to have to start a Tutes in Tassie thread and continue your journey.  

I don't have much to add to this that hasn't already been said.  My Dad comes from a long line of alchies..Mom has some too but she didn't get that gene.  I have 4 brothers.  1 is an addict like me, 1 pretty darn close, and 2 normies.  Who knows why we do what we do.  I have read that addiction is believed to have to be 'activated'.  So one could have the genetic propensity, but not activate it.  I think schitzophrenia is similar...trauma or severe stress can activate it in adult life. Maybe this 'activation' concept is linked to the idea that the earlier one starts drinking or using, the more likely they are to develop addiction.  Or maybe that's just because if the person's brothers are getting them stoned and drunk at 9 (that would be me) the family is a mess and the parents are non existent.  I also read something about the growing area of technology addiction, gaming and such.  That kids that do this for hours on end are 'activating' a tendency for addition that is gatewaying into substance abuse.  Or maybe people that game for 12 hours a day MUST be stoned or smoking meth in order to simply do that.  Obviously there isn't any science in this post this is just stuff I've read that I think is interesting.  Technology addiction.  If that truly is a gateway this current generation of teenagers is in SERIOUS trouble.

[blueskye]

Here we go, I'm still getting used to this forum format.  And do you know it's like the forums of old.  We've gone full circle. 

I visited the old forum yesterday and was sad to read about your mum.  I posted a reply to you there, but you might not see it.  I'm so very sorry and I'm glad that she's with you in Tassie.  What a perfect place for her to be.  My mother has my dad's ashes and she's going to bring some to the USA for me, so I can have him here with me too.  I don't think it's odd.  I think it's normal for folks to keep the ashes of their loved ones.

Tutes,

According to the latest research, addiction doesn't have just one origin.  There are many factors that come into play.  Nature (genetics), nurture, our own unique personality foibles and paradoxes.  For me, I believe nature loaded the gun and nurture pulled the trigger.  Also I think addiction runs on a spectrum of time that varies from person to person.  For instance, if we lived to 300 hundred years old, perhaps over time and using alcohol and nicotine regularly, your sister might become addicted.  I lean toward the theory that anything we ingest, including thoughts (!) changes our brain chemistry leading to addiction in some and not in others.  I believe that genes are only blueprints for potential.  Meaning, genes can be switched on and switched off.

But, what the bleep do I know eh?  One day, this will be figured out and we'll have definitive answers.  Meanwhile, like the artist formerly known as Mark, says, focusing on our recovery is key.  I've tied myself in knots trying to figure out why I suffer from this affliction we call alcoholism.  Because dangnabbit, I don't want it to be so. 

Hope all is well in Tassie.

[blueskye]

For a limited time only!  I'm posting my photo as my avatar just so you lovely folks can put a face to the name.  Then I'll come up with something a little less obvious.

[jeyu0422]

Hey Blue,
It's nice to connect a face to a name.  Good idea!
Mark/Jeyu

[Dana]

Hey Mark, is that you? So handsome!! :-)

[gwampa69]

jeyu0422

blueskye

Woah,

What a couple a lookers you both are! Blue, classically stunning. JEYU, shoulda been a model instead of just a role model.