Excerpts from the AA Big Book

[Deleted]

I thought this topic needed a thread of its one.  I've put up a passage that I found really helpful that was read out at the AA meeting.  I've been reading this passage every morning.

Attachments:

aa page 30.pdf (62.4 KB)

[Deleted]

I just posted one page, hopefully this will help someone else like it has helped me.

[Mark_LA]

Kim, rather than simply posting a link to a page from the Big Book -- which, after all, anyone can read for themselves -- it might be more helpful to others if you explained why the page was helpful to you.

[Sam]

First paragraph: "Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is
bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking
careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other
people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great
obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue
it into the gates of insanity or death.

That's powerful stuff, while I was not in denial about my drinking problem as I knew early on that I had a problem and shortly after I started to believe I am an alcoholic, I kept it to myself out of shame and guilt. I didn't understand much about alcoholism when I realized I had a problem, I felt I could be fixed and be a casual drinker as I loved drinking so much.

My first ever meeting with a counselor he asked me what I wanted to do about my drinking, I said I would like to cut down! The thought of giving up alcohol for good was not in the picture yet. I wanted so bad to control my drinking, I wanted to be able to drink without the consequences, those thoughts and images in my head blocked my recovery as every time I "quit" drinking in the back of my head I was taking a break, I was resting and recovering to try yet again to be a normal drinker, I was trying to figure out a way to handle my drinking, I wanted to drink and I wasn't ready to accept the truth.

It took me a very long time and many set backs to understand that drinkers like me can't drink, and my problem will only get worse unless I completely stop. I had to accept defeat, I had to drill into my head that I just can't drink safely ever again.

That was the hardest thing for me to accept, but it's the truth.

[Sam]

This leads to the topic of surrender, to surrender is to declare total defeat, it is a big step toward recovery. To surrender is to no longer battle and to end the obsession, it is not possible to recover while having thoughts of drinking "normal" again, must declare defeat on this front, as an alcoholic surrender to me is to no longer fight and accept that I am an alcoholic who can not drink safely again, it is such a relief to be able to accept that. it is when the struggle ends and recovery begins.

The problem is it took me a while to understand the concept of surrender, acceptance and defeat. Part of it was because I didn't want to give up the alcohol, even though I acted like I did, and part was because I just didn't know, I was not educated.

I believe education is very important when dealing with alcoholism, left to my own thoughts I could not find recovery, I even thought at one point my problem was a lack of strong well!

[Deleted]

Hey Firpeace,
This is how it helped me. "Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics." This was me I drank socially until I was 35 so was very unwilling to admit anything. That was my denial about the problem.

"Our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker." I've spent the last 12 years trying to prove I could control my drinking, limiting when and where and how in the attempt to prove I could do it.

"All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals-usually brief-were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization." At times I deluded myself into thinking I had regained control but went back down the slippery slope to a massive relapse.

As Sam said, it is all about surrender. Yes I am an alcoholic. No I can never drink again. I guess I saw this passage in a new light. I'm reading it every day to remind myself of the insanity of the past 12 years. Hope this provides some kind of explanation.

[jeyu0422]

Kim and Sam,
I misunderstood "surrender" for quite some time as well. Initially, the word to me meant to give up; to quit trying. It represented weakness. But I came to understand that my "surrender" was to give up the EXCUSES for trying to maintain a relationship with alcohol. As Sam says, to admit that "I just can't drink safely ever again". I believe that it has taken a strong will not only to surrender but to do the work involved in recovery. It takes strength to surrender, not weakness. Recovery and sobriety are not for the weak of spirit or character, rather, in my opinion, quite the opposite.
I admire both of you.
Mark/Jeyu

[yvan]

Nov 1, 2015 21:38:20 GMT -5 slimkim said:

Hey Firpeace,
This is how it helped me. "Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics." This was me I drank socially until I was 35 so was very unwilling to admit anything. That was my denial about the problem.

"Our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker." I've spent the last 12 years trying to prove I could control my drinking, limiting when and where and how in the attempt to prove I could do it.

"All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals-usually brief-were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization." At times I deluded myself into thinking I had regained control but went back down the slippery slope to a massive relapse.

As Sam said, it is all about surrender. Yes I am an alcoholic. No I can never drink again. I guess I saw this passage in a new light. I'm reading it every day to remind myself of the insanity of the past 12 years. Hope this provides some kind of explanation.

[yvan]

Hi Kim.
I accepted almost two years ago that I will never be able to drink again and that the game was over. With time passing, I thought less and less about this acceptance, today I don't think of it anymore, it's just part of me and part of my life. Only when I have to answer to people who ask me why I don't drink, the only thing I say is, I used to drink, it doesn't appeal to me anymore, I don't miss it and I don't have to explain any further to them who maybe wouldn't understand anyway what I've learnt about myself because it was an inside job.
It's when I see my friends relapsing so often that I remember it took me as well a long time to accept that I couldn't drink anymore. Why do we keep doing it when the answer is so obvious! They still think they will control their drinking this time but they always relapse and it gets worse, much worse. It is insanity, self destruction and also selfishness. This is another thing I remember about my drinking. I was very selfish and when I see my friends relapsing over and over and their families suffering, I understand why some people don't have a lot of compassion for alcoholics. Those people suffer, maybe even more than us because they don't escape the horror we make them endure.
I hope Kim you've got it this time. We can forget how bad it was, PAWS can be a trigger, bad relations can become a trigger, just life with its ups and downs can be a trigger. As long as you will always know in your heart without the shadow of a doubt that a drink is your enemy, for ever your enemy, you'll always be strong.
I'm sure you're going to win because you've been fighting for a while to get this freedom. Enough drinking poison. Time to live and to become happy.
Surrender means to me no more finding excuses to drink and in my case getting drunk. Getting drunk was escaping reality. Living in reality is the key of happiness. I know it now.
Hugs.

[achilles1957]

There is so much in this post that resonates with me and this morning when first reading it, my eyes were filled with tears. Thank you for writing it Yvan. It inspired a sense of finality, an acceptance of acceptance, I'm not sure why it affected me so, it just did. I've read it a couple of times since this morning and I'm still moved by it. Perhaps the simplicity, the logic, the absolute "without a shadow of a doubt...drink is your enemy".

I just loved it Yvan, it's copied to a safe place on my devices and I will treasure it.

You've come so very far, I always knew you would.

:-)

Hugs
Jenn

[Deleted]

Hey Yvan,
Its so great to hear from you. Two years ago is a long time for you now. That's what I am aiming for to be sober for the rest of my life. Its hard accepting that I can't drink anymore but its the only way to get off the roundabout. That passage from AA really spoke to me for the first time in 12 years. Maybe the penny finally dropped. I think life with its ups and downs is definitely a trigger. I just need to find different methods for dealing with stress. I like what you said that drink is my enemy without a shadow of a doubt. I have proved that so many times to myself. I've practically ruined the past 12 years and find that a bit hard to accept sometimes. I agree with you that surrendering is no more excuses. That's what I am struggling with atm, coming up with excuses and trying to counteract them. You are such an inspiration Yvan. I often think about you two years sober and with a job now. It could have been such a sad ending for you and instead you are flying high and helping others. My hat goes off to you.

[quitat54]

Hi Kim

Keep at it girl, for there is no other option.  Life is full of triggers and it is impossible to escape them. Finding solution on how to deal with stress, instead of escaping, is definitively helpful.  But, I believe, sometimes there is no solution for stress and we have to accept it as part of life.  The important part for me, which was so well written by yvan, not to think of alcohol as a possible solution.  I believe that even when we start thinking, we crate energy in our head and then we have to struggle against that energy.  When I am at the point that drinking does not enter my mind when I am stressed, I feel I am getting closer to where I want to be.  There is more of those times when drinking does not even cross my mind when I am stressed.  But, there are the times when I start thinking about it and then it is a struggle, I fueled the idea with the energy and have to remove that energy or let it dissipate on its own.  It takes an effort, sometimes more time, sometimes less.  But then I feel so much better that I did not give in and so much stronger.

I am at 3 months now.  I succumbed to drinking around that time during my last sober period. Feel stronger now, richer for experience and words of wisdom I garnered on this, and the former site from all who have been traveling this road.

J

[jeyu0422]

J and All,

I live in an area that is hurricane prone. The local and state governments have developed disaster plans and escape routes so that there are procedures in place in the inevitable event that a disaster strikes. I have found in recovery that preparing escape routes and developing alternatives to alcohol to escape stress are critical for me. In my job and my life, as in many, stress is inevitable. There are things that I have tried to do to lessen it, but many times, this is beyond my control. Like the hurricane, there are times when stress is going to hit and hit hard. My previous and only escape route was alcohol. Addiction developed, but even before addiction, alcohol was a learned response. Why? Because it worked and worked well. Once my dependence on alcohol developed, it quit working. So I tried more and more alcohol to no avail. When I surrendered to the fact that alcohol was no longer an option for escape, alternatives had to be developed. I have tried other methods, such as listening to certain music, a short (or sometimes long) drive, painting, exercise, and many more. Some work for me and some don't. I keep the ones that work and discard those that don't.

When I quit drinking, I subconsciously expected my life to somehow be miraculously stress free and perfect. Yep, that was the sober me riding in the parade car, waving to the crowd. Well, life didn't quite work out like my fantasy did. I remember it was about three months in that I realized that even though I had changed, my environment hadn't. Life was better because I didn't have to deal with all the crap I caused by drinking. And yes, in trying to focus on the positive, I found many more positives. But I didn't and my drinking didn't cause all of the negatives in my life. Some were simply beyond my control. My learning other successful methods of dealing with stress and negative events has been the key to staying on the path of sobriety and avoiding relapse. For me, this is and must be a continuing learning process.

Mark/Jeyu

Mark/Jeyu

[angelina1512]

Hey mark,

I think life is like a hurricane! something you cannot be prepared for no matter how much you want to be.

im like you! it's a matter of dealing with life now without alcohol. When hubby and I were away for his 50th, I thought how nice it would be to just sit back and be able to have a drink. We talked about it, but I knew it wasn't possible. The thought of going back to that person again, no drink was worth that.

so now it's just a matter of knowing it can never be in my life, and I am really ok with that. Life is so much better without it.

accepting that I cannot be a " normal" drinker, ok I get that. If I was normal I wouldn't be on an alcoholism site:-)

tutu