This poem is me to a T, Dana. I tried all of those things, before letting go.
Good to see you too. I see we only have a small number of members, but perhaps it's the quality of our posts that matters more than numbers eh? As long as we're supporting each other and being of service (hopefully!), it's all good.
Hey Blue, I love that poem you put up there, I keep rereading it. I'm trying to learn to let go. Easier said than done.
I keep re-reading it too, Kim. In fact, I printed it out and stuck it on my mirror, so I see it every morning. I tried all of those things that 'she' did in the poem. That's when I realised that all those things were just ways of hanging onto addiction rather than just letting it go. It's total surrender. I got so exhausted with all the back and forth, mental gymnastics, obsession - all the mental shyte that goes with addiction. I was so tired, I just let go.
I often hear people in AA say 'everything I let go of had claw marks!' I think it's the nature of addiction. If it were easy for us to just give up when we felt like it, it wouldn't be addiction. I know there are some amongst us who were 'struck sober' having had an epiphany/psychic change/spiritual awakening that happened in a single instant, but I think it's rare. From what I've learnt, most of us have to struggle to varying degrees before quitting for good. For me, it's been a loooooong process. But a process I HAD to go through to come out the other side. I truly became sick and tired of feeling sick and tired.