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Post by Pam on Dec 24, 2015 22:31:43 GMT -5
Brett, Glad you shared. Your post is poignant and beautifully written. Merry Christmas everyone. Pam
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Post by quitat54 on Dec 29, 2015 1:17:43 GMT -5
Great Story Brett
Nothing changes if nothing changes. We, alcoholics, can lie to ourselves all we want. Carry out the façade (for those who still drink) but we are seen for what we are; out of control individuals who got on the train to despair and are struggling to get off.
Merry Christmas to You Brett and everyone else.
J
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Post by gwampa69 on Dec 30, 2015 11:01:49 GMT -5
I wrote this last New years Eve. I still feel the same way.
Happy New Year Everyone. It can be if its what you want.
"1984-first half of 2014. What I knew: Pain, fear, shame, remorse, guilt, uncertainty, desperation, confusion, hopelessness, self-hatred, self-doubt, deceit, loneliness, frustration and anger. Second half of 2014. What I know: Joy, self-confidence, self-worth, self-awareness, compassion, forgiveness, emotional clarity, mental clarity, self-love, truth.
2015-Beyond. What I want: More of what I have experienced in the last 6 months. True peace. Serenity. Freedom from self-bondage. Love of myself. Respect for myself. Respect for my place in my life. In other people’s lives. Sobriety. I don’t mean to say that the 30 years starting in 1984 up to June 2014 were all terrible. They weren’t. I finished High School. I moved out on my own at 19 to Florida. I went to college. I graduated college. I got married. I had children. I made progress through my career. I etched out a pretty fine life. But it all could have been so much better. There is nothing I can do about the mistakes of the past. I am learning to let them go. This is a process but it will take time. I have begun a process that will allow me to make better choices in the future. It all started with stopping drinking. As Mark_LA says, I want to be sober more than I want to be drunk. I am viewing myself in a different way these days. I hope this makes some sense. When I was born, I was a largely empty vessel. I picture a watering can. As time goes on, the watering can fills up with experience, the things that make me who I am as a person. As I proceed through life, the watering can that is me begins to pour. Watering the people and experiences around me with who I am. If the water is pure, then the people around me, the things that I care about, the choices I make, will be positive and flourish. These things will be better in part because of the nourishment that I provide. This is the ripple that I send through the world around me.
Somewhere along the line, my watering can sprung a leak. The part that is truly me was draining away. As I drained away, I chose to try to fill the can with something to stop the leak. Unfortunately, the thing I chose was poison to me. Because it was poison to me, over time, it began to poison those around me. Poison the things I wanted in life. The things that matter most. Starting with me, and ending with everything around me. Everyone and everything that felt my ripple. My watering can became tainted and with it, I lost my sense of self. Of right and wrong. Toxic myself, I began to poison my world as well.
I realize that sobriety is an inside job. I get that totally and completely. I want sobriety for myself. But not only for myself, because I am a human being with human emotions, relationships, and needs. And people around me that I care about. People that need me as much as I need them. I affect people. This is a reality. If I choose to love myself, to seek and maintain sobriety for me, then I can once again provide something positive to the people and things in my life that are truly important. It can be a Happy New Year if we want it to be. I wish you all the courage and strength to pursue that happiness."
O and U Brett
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Post by Deleted on Dec 30, 2015 19:51:28 GMT -5
Wow Brett, what an inspiring post. I can relate totally to the watering can. Thanks for reposting that.
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Post by gwampa69 on Dec 30, 2015 23:09:42 GMT -5
Hey Kim How are you going?
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Post by Deleted on Jan 1, 2016 18:23:20 GMT -5
Hey Brett, Thanks for asking. I'm going okay except for the painful breakup with my friend. What have you been doing?
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Post by gwampa69 on Jan 2, 2016 11:16:41 GMT -5
Hey Kim I haven't been doing too much. Just enjoying some extra time away from the office. Took the kids to a couple of movies. Made a small feast for New Years Eve. Ate leftovers from the small feast on New Years Day. Did a little baking. Sat in front of the fire and generally had a nice quiet few days. Its finally getting cold here. -12c is forecast for this coming Monday night. That's about normal for this time of year around here but it has been far from normal this winter. Two days before Christmas, we had the first December tornado in Michigan history. Not a real powerful one and nobody was injured. Just some building and tree damage. Today just doing some house work.
Stay strong. Breakups are tough.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 3, 2016 18:22:29 GMT -5
Hey Brett, I didn't know you could cook! It sounds like the kids had a wonderful time with you. I saw the tornadoes in the US on the news; luckily you are safe and well. The weather is a bit wierd here as well; its meant to be really hot but been fairly cool for this time of year. Enjoy your few days off!
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Post by gwampa69 on Jan 13, 2016 22:59:55 GMT -5
I haven't been around much lately. I must say though that the slight uptick in activity on the forum is encouraging. I hope it continues.
I have been busy getting ready for a trip and am currently on a plane flying over Alaska on the way to Tokyo. From there to Thailand. I promised myself a year ago that I would treat myself to a vacation and I'm doing it. It's a big step towards becoming more like who I used to be.
I used to be brave and adventurous. I had self confidence and was interested in the world outside of my immediate world. Of course we all know what stripped me of who I was. Now that booze is behind me, I am reclaiming my life in many ways. I never would have had the guts to take a trip like this alone when I was drinking. Booze kept me chained to a small world that was growing smaller all the time.
I will carry the forum along with me as it remains a constant part of my life whether I'm posting or not. I care about the people here and smile evertime a new member stops in. I also get more than a little bit discouraged when those new folks disappear so quickly sometimes. I feel their pain because I felt it myself.
So here is my point. There was a time when a trip to my mailbox was tough for me. There was a time when I wouldn't bother checking the mail until the box was so full that the mail man had to come to my door. There was a time when that didn't bother me because I had given up caring about most everything. A trip half way around the world? Never crossed my mind when I was at my worst.
Stopping drinking changed that. Does that mean that a big trip is in store for anyone that gives up booze? Of course not. Everyone is different and everyone will measure their successes their own way. I started slowly, savoring each and every small victory. The cool thing about that is this. Small victories build confidence. And I think that building confidence is critical to beating addiction. Who knows, you might even hop on a plane someday and just go.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 13, 2016 23:44:22 GMT -5
Wow Brett. You're on a plane! That is truly awesome. Thats an encouraging story you wrote. Hope you have an absolutely fantastic trip.
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Post by jeyu0422 on Jan 14, 2016 0:30:40 GMT -5
Brett, A "T" destination sounds like fun ...... Thailand, Tasmania, Texas, Tahiti ....... So, on your way back, swing by Tasmania and pick up TuTu on your way to Texas and we'll all go to Tahiti! Have a great time! Mark
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Post by gwampa69 on Jan 14, 2016 0:41:11 GMT -5
Jeyu That's a great idea. When we're done invading Tahiti, we can go to Timbuktu, Tai Pei, Taiwan, Tel Aviv, and finish up in Texarkana!
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Post by achilles1957 on Jan 14, 2016 2:59:18 GMT -5
Whoa Brett, you've taken the old "onward and upward" to a whole new level. Congratulations for your courage and spirit of adventure..I've always loved the sense of freedom that travelling alone inspires in me, I hope it does the same for you.
You've come so far and now, well there seems to be no stopping you.
So happy for you...
Take care
Jenn
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Post by angelina1512 on Jan 14, 2016 3:27:32 GMT -5
Hey Sparrow and Mark,
my bags are packed I'm ready to go.:-)I will be waiting. What an awesome idea. Sparrow you out of all of us deserve a trip, I hope you have fun, meet new people, laugh and have something special that you will never forget. Don't forget to send photos.
you are so right about taking small steps and getting a life back after no alcohol. Instead of being chained to the bottle, staying home, not wanting to mix or go out, now we can. Day or night it is actually a great feeling. Not making excuses just getting on with life.
so my wonderful friend, have an amazing time.
love ya
angelina/tutu.
hope Texas can handle all 3 of us. lol. 3 musketeers.
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Post by Pam on Jan 14, 2016 7:16:30 GMT -5
Very cool Brett. Have an amazing trip!! Pam
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