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Post by Mark_LA on May 12, 2017 10:23:18 GMT -5
Time to blow the dust off this sucker for a minute. There has been a lot going on in the last 6 months and I feel sorta lonely for this place. I haven't been focusing on the sobriety issue too much. No time to grind on about the topic as work has been ridiculous for over a year now. In the 21 years of my career, I've never worked this hard or carried such a big load. My stress level is through the roof and my only outlet has been an occasional trip up north for some fishing and a bit of hunting. Gardening season is here so my little garden is underway. Life is good but a bit too busy for my liking. My girlfriend is coming from Thailand in July for a month. I'll go there again in September. I'm happy to say we are talking about marriage after almost 3 years and flying back and forth across the planet. She has been a wonderful ray of light in my life. I met her family last October and had a chance to spend some time with her grandfather before he passed away. It was an honor to meet him. My kids are doing great in college and are adjusting well to adult life. They have been the biggest most motivating force in my pursuit of long term sobriety. I am better for them and I am better because of them. It's a win win for everyone I guess. Anyways that's my update for now. Hope you are reading this with health and happiness in your life. Hi Brett -- I'm sure you don't need me to tell you that the bolded part reads rather like a cry for help. Seems like you're aware that on some level you may be "building up to drink," as ICON used to call it, which is perhaps part of why you made this post? My priority has absolutely had to be "sobriety first." For me that doesn't mean meetings or sponsor work or steps or therapy or any other particular rote methodology. It just means making sure my life doesn't get too far out of balance. It means being ruthless about saying "no" to responsibilities and commitments that might endanger all I've worked for in building a sober life. Let me ask you, why are you compelled to carry such a big load at work? What's the worst thing that could happen if you didn't? Would that "worst thing" be worse than a return to drinking? Really glad to hear the good news about the girlfriend and the kids!
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Post by gwampa69 on May 12, 2017 13:37:45 GMT -5
Hey Mark Thanks for the reply and insight. I certainly don't feel consciously like I'm building up to anything like drinking. I think I'm more acknowledging the fact that my work burden has created a situation where my focus on the real priorities of life including my conscious attention to sober life has changed for the worse. My stress level hasn't brought about any ideas about substance use being an option. However, I am acknowledging that said stress is affecting me in a negative way and that's troublesome enough for me to let people on here know about it.
I sorta feel like maybe the post is more of a warning to others who may have these moments in their life. I'm still very secure in my sobriety but thought maybe this discussion would benefit someone who may not be there quite yet themselves.
The load I mentioned is related to tons of work in an exploding field that I have been involved with for several years now. The regulatory community in Michigan is just now catching on to an issue that I've specialized in for a long time and because of that business is booming. The problem is my technical services group needs to grow to keep up with the demand. Until those changes occur, I'm swamped with work and spread pretty thin. Time for a hunting and fishing trip. I leave Sunday afternoon for about 10 days. It's the trip I take each year with some of my "brothers in sobriety". That should help! Great to hear from you man.
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Post by jeyu0422 on May 12, 2017 21:19:12 GMT -5
Wow, it's been a while. Too long. I even had to try several passwords to log in.
I agree with Mark that stress can undermine sobriety, but only if we let it. I understand work related stress because I live with it as well. It was certainly a contributing factor to my alcohol abuse, but it was also a primary factor in my admission of alcoholism. When drinking, I basically avoided finding the answers for work related stress. This avoidance just seemed to exacerbate the stress. I handle it much better these days because I am sober and can develop strategies to better deal with it. Oh, and Congratulations!
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Post by jeyu0422 on May 12, 2017 21:24:33 GMT -5
Mark, You mentioned ICON. I was wondering how he is doing these days. That guy really pissed me off; so much so that I went out and found sobriety. Mark/Jeyu
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Post by angelina1512 on May 13, 2017 4:37:05 GMT -5
I also decided to pop my head in and say hello and put my thoughts out there as well. I know that never could I have " just one" as I know I could not stop at that. But I must say it doesn't even enter my head to drink. I sometimes think about smoking but also know that " just one" would wake up the demon and I would be back to full time smoking.
stress can make us think that a drink would help but it truly doesn't. My husband still drinks I often pour him a scotch but it does nothing for me, not one bit.
i know that I would never go back to that, no matter what. I think that after 3 years, many happy, sad, stressful things have happened and drinking has never entered my head.
its nearly 2 years since I gave up smoking, the thoughts get less and less. If I do think about it, it's only for a split second and I tell myself, do it and you will never stop. Same goes for drinking. It does get better and easier and life is so much better without it.
i know deep down that " your done drinking when life is run by drinking, when you plan everything around having a chance to slip that drink down. When you are hiding bottles, when you have to scrap together enough money to have that spare bottle just in case you run out. Your done drinking when your done drinking. Period.
angelina aka tutu hope everyone is well and happy. I'm still painting:-)
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Post by Mark_LA on May 13, 2017 12:13:44 GMT -5
Hi Brett, glad to hear you are doing fine, and glad you're on board with the importance of self care. Sounds like a 10-day camping trip will be just the thing to blow off some of that work stress. Have a great time!
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Post by Mark_LA on May 13, 2017 12:22:20 GMT -5
Mark, You mentioned ICON. I was wondering how he is doing these days. That guy really pissed me off; so much so that I went out and found sobriety. Mark/Jeyu Ha! This made me laugh! He was a piece of work all right. I still haven't come across anyone else with his peculiar combination of incredible insight and grasp of recovery concepts, and sheer lunacy when it came to people skills. Brilliant but highly unstable. Haven't seen him on any boards for a long time. I got the impression in the latter days that his health was poor, but hopefully he's just fly-fishing in Washington State and not picking fights with other recovering alkies
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Post by gwampa69 on May 13, 2017 17:12:21 GMT -5
It sure is nice to see you posting on this topic. Heck its nice to see anybody posting on any topic! Its pretty cool how easy it is to get a conversation started with you guys. Sorta like running into an old friend you haven't seen for a while and its like you never parted. Obviously it means we all still pop in and check the threads for activity. I do it everyday but typically, If I don't see anything new, I log out right away. Is that selfish? I guess it is.
Had a productive Saturday and after about 4 hours of outdoor chores, I hit the hammock for a while. It was quiet, the birds were singing, the sun was shining and my mind was quieter than its been in a long time. Felt good to do that and after a while it made me think. Here's what I thought.
July will be 3 years sober for me and much has happened in this time. Not all of it great but all of it happened while I was sober. So while life has happened, the good and the not so good, doing it sober remains my goal and I am achieving that important goal everyday.
Having a goal, especially the most important kind, one that greets me every day when I wake up, makes for a pretty fulfilling existence. That's the opportunity I have given to myself. And when I go to bed each night, having achieved this most important of all goals, the goal that allows for all other goals to be possible, well, what more could a guy ask for?
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Post by Mark_LA on May 15, 2017 10:22:01 GMT -5
It sure is nice to see you posting on this topic. Heck its nice to see anybody posting on any topic! Its pretty cool how easy it is to get a conversation started with you guys. Sorta like running into an old friend you haven't seen for a while and its like you never parted. Obviously it means we all still pop in and check the threads for activity. I do it everyday but typically, If I don't see anything new, I log out right away. Is that selfish? I guess it is.
Had a productive Saturday and after about 4 hours of outdoor chores, I hit the hammock for a while. It was quiet, the birds were singing, the sun was shining and my mind was quieter than its been in a long time. Felt good to do that and after a while it made me think. Here's what I thought.
July will be 3 years sober for me and much has happened in this time. Not all of it great but all of it happened while I was sober. So while life has happened, the good and the not so good, doing it sober remains my goal and I am achieving that important goal everyday.
Having a goal, especially the most important kind, one that greets me every day when I wake up, makes for a pretty fulfilling existence. That's the opportunity I have given to myself. And when I go to bed each night, having achieved this most important of all goals, the goal that allows for all other goals to be possible, well, what more could a guy ask for? Pow! Brett shows he's still got that Power Post mojo! Great reminder that sobriety is its own vital achievement, and without it, few other achievements are possible.
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Post by slimkim on May 21, 2017 14:57:41 GMT -5
Hey Brett, Great to see so much activity again.Congratulations on your engagement!
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Post by gwampa69 on May 21, 2017 22:19:44 GMT -5
Hey Brett, Great to see so much activity again.Congratulations on your engagement! Hey Kim It is nice to see a little activity around here. We aren't engaged yet but if all goes according to plan, we will be in late July! How're you going these days? Good to hear from you Brett
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Post by gwampa69 on Jul 8, 2017 12:33:14 GMT -5
How should I celebrate 3 years of sobriety? Should I shout about it from the mountain top? Should I phone a friend? Should I go out in the street and extoll the virtues of clean living? Impose my opinion about this on anyone who will listen? Should I pretend it’s a non-stop joy fest? Or should I post about the reality here, at the place that made it possible? Yeah, I guess I might as well. The first few options all sound ok too but at this stage in the game, I figure it may be best to do what feels most natural. In fact, doing what feels most natural is kind of a mantra for me anymore. Keep it simple and simply live. Angelina was the person that actually prompted me to talk about life these days. These completely sober, real, sometimes painful but more often than not happy, sane days. What’s it like? I still think that it’s a better question to ask, what’s it NOT like?
Sober life is not full of BS drama. It’s not based in fear and confusion. It’s not staying one step ahead of the law (barely). It’s not waiting for the next drink, wanting the next drink, wondering about the next drink, planning for the next drink, obsessing about the next drink. It’s not about hiding my shame and pretending to be ok. It’s not any of those things. And because it’s not any of those things, it’s also not exhausting.
It’s not all good either. Sobriety doesn’t produce instant or constant inner peace and tranquility. It doesn’t mean things will be easy, simple, straightforward, without worry, struggles, failures and down times. It’s not a silver bullet for all of lifes problems. It doesn’t mean you won’t have disagreements, arguments, negative feelings or feelings of hopelessness. Sobriety is not magic.
So why is sobriety worth the work? Why do we bother to try to achieve it if it doesn’t make everything better all the time? Each person has to answer that question for themselves. Why is it worth it to me? Because while I believe that everything I just pointed out is true, having lived both ways, drunk and sober, I can say this. Sober living makes the possibility of all those good things happening with increased regularity much more likely. It’s an uncertain world and uncertainty is difficult to handle. Sober living allows me to deal with the bad stuff in a healthy way. It allows me to emotionally feel my way through life. Sober living provides continuity from day to day, even when life gets crazy. Continuity is good. As for the bad stuff, nothing can stop life from happening, not even being sober. But I can promise you this much. Drinking never helps anything. It never did for me. It doesn’t solve problems. It just delays our ability to face the things that will always be waiting for us. Sobriety makes living possible rather than just existing. And living is the whole point.
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Post by Mark_LA on Jul 9, 2017 9:55:12 GMT -5
Congrats on 3 years, Brett! Warms my little heart to think I knew you back when... Good reminder that while sobriety isn't necessarily always rainbows and unicorns, it's essential to have a stable, functional starting place from which to cope with the stresses and painful episodes that living life on life's terms invariably brings. Alcohol didn't really work all that well as a "coping mechanism" even when it worked... when it stopped working, things really got dire because I had lost any skills for coping other than turning to the one which no longer worked.
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Post by gwampa69 on Jul 9, 2017 11:15:25 GMT -5
Ha! You always crack me up and then make me think. I owe you a debt that I will probably never be able to pay. Unless I drag myself and my two brand new surgically augmented knees out to LA. Who knows maybe I will. Then, lunch is on me. And as many lemonades (or whatever it is you drink) as you want!
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Post by jeyu0422 on Jul 9, 2017 20:38:11 GMT -5
"How should I celebrate 3 years of sobriety? Should I shout about it from the mountain top? Should I phone a friend? Should I go out in the street and extoll the virtues of clean living? Impose my opinion about this on anyone who will listen? Should I pretend it’s a non-stop joy fest? Or should I post about the reality here, at the place that made it possible? Yeah, I guess I might as well."
Well brother, option number 2 would have gotten you a much quicker CONGRATULATIONS!!! Like you, I counted on and appreciate the words of wisdom from the left coast, but Michigan and that land down under certainly came through as well.
Enjoy your sober life, my friend!
O and U and AWAY Mark/Jeyu JFDI
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