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Nov 6, 2015 12:29:06 GMT -5
Post by Sam on Nov 6, 2015 12:29:06 GMT -5
Jenn, I think one of the hardest things in life is stepping back and not trying to "fix" our kids' problems. For me, patience often goes against all instincts of parenthood, but is necessary and often required. Mark/Jeyu Hi Mark, You are right, it is one of the hardest things to do, I do it with my two adult age children still, it is an extension from when they were babies, it is me used to providing and protecting. Sometimes I feel like my role as a father is being taking away from me as they are getting older and becoming more dependent. It is selfish of me, but I am a father and will always be one.
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Nov 6, 2015 23:56:20 GMT -5
Post by jeyu0422 on Nov 6, 2015 23:56:20 GMT -5
Jenn, I think one of the hardest things in life is stepping back and not trying to "fix" our kids' problems. For me, patience often goes against all instincts of parenthood, but is necessary and often required. Mark/Jeyu I absolutely agree Mark. In the past, situations such as these would have sent me to my room. If I couldn't "fix" my children's problems or protect them from suffering, I'd have to drown my guilt or sense of failure. I'm relieved and grateful to not feel like that right now. What I call 'butterfly' thoughts (flickers of thought brushing past my ears) have crossed my path.. "have a drink and sleep the sadness away" but I've managed to dismiss them for what they are. Meaningless, mindless reflexes, habit perhaps, not sure really. I did feel upset that the thought actually brushed by me (I thought they'd gone for good) but I know not to thrash myself over it. I'm not responsible for my thoughts, only how I react to them .. I won't give them power but mindfully watch them disintegrate. I hope you and your family are well .. I know your words come from a place of experience .. certainly "one of the hardest things in life". Take care for today All, Jenn
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Nov 7, 2015 0:21:58 GMT -5
Post by jeyu0422 on Nov 7, 2015 0:21:58 GMT -5
Jenn,
We are who we are today due to our genetics and our environment (Oh no, not that again!). Perhaps, along with your genetic makeup, you are the kind, caring, and compassionate person that you are today due in part to unpleasant experiences that you have been through which you have mentioned on the forum. Perhaps, trying to "fix" problems in our adult children's' lives may be robbing them of experiences that might be necessary in their evolution as human beings. As Sam said, some of us still have the tendency to treat our adult children as babies, but in many cases they have been babies far longer than adults. Those protection instincts can be pretty strong. Still, at some point, we must be loving and caring observers instead of "fixers".
Jenn, you sound strong and fully committed to recovery. That is so good to hear.
Mark/Jeyu
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Nov 7, 2015 0:33:31 GMT -5
Post by jeyu0422 on Nov 7, 2015 0:33:31 GMT -5
Sam, "It is selfish of me, but I am a father and will always be one."
I'm with you there, Sam. I have to fight the tendancy to say to my adult kids, "If you do this and this just exactly as I say, these will be the results, so dammit, do this and this just exactly as I say." That tactic actually didn't even work so well BEFORE they were adults! Mark/Jeyu
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Nov 8, 2015 4:00:36 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Nov 8, 2015 4:00:36 GMT -5
Hey Jenn, So sorry to hear about your son's accident. I hope he makes a speedy recovery and can get back to work.
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Nov 10, 2015 16:49:21 GMT -5
Post by Pam on Nov 10, 2015 16:49:21 GMT -5
Hi Jenn,
Wanted to say "Hello!" and I hope your son is recuperating well.
Take care . . .
Pam (PT)
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Nov 10, 2015 17:40:57 GMT -5
Dana and Pam like this
Post by achilles1957 on Nov 10, 2015 17:40:57 GMT -5
Hi Jenn, Wanted to say "Hello!" and I hope your son is recuperating well. Take care . . . Pam (PT) Morning Pam, Kim and All, My son is coming home for a few weeks to recuperate ... to say that I'm happy is an understatement. I need to whizz around today freshening his room, go to the supermarket, etc. I'll cook him a nice Armenian dinner and perhaps a pavlova (that might be stretching it a bit), see how I go. I worked so hard (mentally/emotionally) to accept my helplessness, not to indulge in thoughts of him in pain etc., ... it's odd how things sometimes just work themselves out if we can just let it be. There are times when one must know and accept the difference between being 'pro-active' and just 'being'. The forum is moving along nicely, everyone seems well, growing in their sobriety. To all who are struggling, I wish you peace for today. Take care All Jenn
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Nov 10, 2015 20:49:51 GMT -5
jeyu0422 likes this
Post by Pam on Nov 10, 2015 20:49:51 GMT -5
Hi Jenn,
I'm so glad to hear your update regarding your son. You all take care. . .
Pam
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Nov 10, 2015 23:42:29 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by jeyu0422 on Nov 10, 2015 23:42:29 GMT -5
Jenn, That's good news. I'll bet you are humming an old Beatles song right now. Mark/Jeyu
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Nov 11, 2015 5:56:18 GMT -5
Post by Pam on Nov 11, 2015 5:56:18 GMT -5
To All.
If you are a veteran, thank you for your service to our country. Today marks Veterans' Day . . . but your sacrifice is always remembered and we are thankful for you.
Pam
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Nov 11, 2015 9:10:34 GMT -5
Post by bethanne711 on Nov 11, 2015 9:10:34 GMT -5
Hi Jenn, I'm very happy to hear that your son is alright. Wow, you are some cook ! Did you both enjoy your meal ?
Beth
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Nov 12, 2015 7:57:12 GMT -5
Dana likes this
Post by achilles1957 on Nov 12, 2015 7:57:12 GMT -5
Hi All, Yes Beth we did enjoy our meal. I didn't end up making a pavlova but dinner was delish ... my son is a chef, not classically trained, he says he's learnt mostly by watching me which is such a nice compliment. How's your leg? So hope you get some good news from your doctors. Must be horrible just waiting.
Mark, I am getting some valuable experience re being a "loving and caring observer" rather than a Ms Fixit. I actually let my son make me breakfast this morning, it was so yum and he managed it in about 10 minutes. I'm worried that he'll hurt his shoulder but insists that he'll go insane doing nothing..wonder where he gets that from?? ;-)
For the first time in my sobriety, last night I regretted being an alcoholic. I would so loved to have had a glass of wine with my son, stand around the stove chatting about food. It can never be, I destroyed that luxury and accept the consequences. I did feel a bit sad though and resentful of some of my past choices. We still stood around the stove and chatted, lemon water was my drink of choice. :-)
Take care for today All, Life goes on regardless...
Jenn
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Nov 12, 2015 9:23:30 GMT -5
Post by bethanne711 on Nov 12, 2015 9:23:30 GMT -5
Hi there, Jenn Wonderful to hear from you again. May I ask was is Pavlova ? It sounds complicated....lol. How lovely that your son made you breakfast. What did you have ? I understand your wanting that glass of wine with your son, but good on you for choosing the lemon water . My leg is fair. I still have not heard from the surgeon, and yes, the waiting is getting annoying. My mother doesn't understand why the delay, as when she had one done the doctor read it immediately. I'll keep you posted. Have a most wonderful day, Jenn. Beth
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Nov 13, 2015 18:34:59 GMT -5
Post by Pam on Nov 13, 2015 18:34:59 GMT -5
Hi Jenn,
Have a great weekend.
Take care.
Pam
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Nov 13, 2015 19:01:05 GMT -5
Post by Pam on Nov 13, 2015 19:01:05 GMT -5
Hi Brett,
Have a great weekend.
Pam
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