Alcohol has always been in my life. And, mostly it's been fine. But, over the past few years I've noticed that the way that I drink isn't healthy. I'll enjoy a drink with my wife, then "sneak" back to our bar in the back room and take pulls off the vodka bottle... and I'll do this several times. I'm not certain why I am doing this, but there are likely lots of contributing factors. I am here to learn and hopefully understand better why I have come to abuse alcohol as I do. And, I am committed to getting healthier... but I haven't been able to do that on my own. I have quite a lot of people who count on me, and it's important to me that I am able to be the best me I can be. When I drink, I am far from my best me... both while I'm drinking and then the day after. I let myself down weekly.
So, I'm here to learn. I'm here to help if I can be helpful. But, I believe that I need help... and this is the first deliberate action I've taken to find help. So, I am grateful to anyone who might consider reaching out to me.
Post by angelina1512 on Apr 30, 2020 7:08:45 GMT -5
Hello Doc, welcome to the forum. It’s very quiet here lately. It’s been 5 years since I gave up and I could not have done it without this site.
i too would sneak out and grab an extra shot, but they become more and bigger. The only way to give up drinking, is just that. Give it up. It’s something that you want to have more than you want to drink. I hated the way I was while I drank, and so did my kids. I could never go back.
we have a few old timers here. I live 8n Australia so my time difference sucks. So I will see if I can raise the alarm that you need help. stay connected and we will be back.
by the way my name is Angelina and I’m also know as tutu. Long story.
Hello Angelina - thanks for the reply. I really appreciate you sharing. The logic side of me understands that I need to give it up. And, I am hopeful that I will have the strength to do so. Thanks again for reaching out. Take care!
Post by angelina1512 on Apr 30, 2020 7:19:27 GMT -5
We all have a logic side, until we need that drink, and then logic goes out the door. when I first started I didn’t think I was an alcoholic, just couldn’t stop drinking. So I told myself I will give up for a month, after having withdrawals, pretty bad, I then realized I did have a drinking problem.
so I did one day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time. But I didn’t look too far ahead, had to break bad habits. I loved scotch and vodka. Vodka because no one could smell it.
So, I'm 46. I'm married with three kids (22, 19, 16)... all living at home! I am a business guy... I wanted to be a teacher but discovered I wasn't good at it. Turns out I am quite good at business. I enjoy music, reading, spending time with my family, being outdoors, fly fishing, cooking (and eating!). I want to be around for a long time. I want to have earned the respect that people have for me. I love when I wake up in the morning after a night when I didn't drink... I'll do my stretches while listening to some peaceful music while everyone else in the house is asleep. When I drink (as I did last night), those better parts of my days aren't there. I didn't stretch this morning. I woke up late with a headache and ate a crappy breakfast that I shouldn't have eaten. I'm tired of that life.
Post by angelina1512 on Apr 30, 2020 7:28:12 GMT -5
Sounds like you have a plan. Yes waking up is awful after a hard night. I use to wake up and say right that the last time. that happened for a while, until I really knew.
now it doesn’t bother me. I pour drinks, I make a drink for hubby, he still has scotch. I know when I am stressed, even 5 years later, I think one to just take the edge off the day. But I KNOW, one is never an option, ever. Like smoking, which has been 4 years now, one is never an option.
i use to be of the about.smoking group, they were wonderful and I joined them to get me through. That I found harder than child birth. Lol
Hi Doc, Welcome. I just got an email from an old friend in Australia. I could have written your post almost word for word 6 years and 8 days ago. That is the day I decided for the last time that my life with alcohol wasn’t working anymore. I have to get ready for work this morning, but I’ll be back later when I have a little time. Mark (Jeyu)
I used to smoke as well. I loved smoking cigarettes... everything about it. I tried quitting numerous times. Then, when I finally quit (about 15 years ago), I knew that I was done. I knew that I had actually smoked my last cigarette and I was good with it. I've not come to that same place with alcohol yet. But, you equating it to quitting smoking is actually really helpful to me. I recall distinctly how I felt when I knew I had actually quit smoking... that was a wonderful feeling. Thank you again Angelina for engaging with me... it's comforting to know that there are people who I can talk with about this. I'll have to figure out how to have conversations about this with my wife and friends... and even my kids. People will certainly notice if I stop drinking. And, I know that they will support me... I'm just not quite ready to have those conversations.
Post by angelina1512 on Apr 30, 2020 7:35:53 GMT -5
Mark (jeyu) Gave up just after me, and then there is Brett I’ll see if I can get him to drop by as well. The 3 of us became great friends, we stay in contact and without those two, well they kept me on the right path. It was there friendship that stopped me many times from starting drinking again.
Post by angelina1512 on Apr 30, 2020 7:48:33 GMT -5
Mark just reminded me it’s 6 years, boy I thought it was 5. Doc you sound very similar to Mark. Now he did say he got an email from an old friend in Australia, mmmmm I’m hoping he just means time we have known each other lol.
So I’m off to bed, it’s nearly 11pm here down under. Good luck doc, I will check in tomorrow night and see how you are going. more troops are on the way. They come from different parts of the US, I’m in Tasmania Australia, so it’s goodnight from down under.
you will be in very good hands when the others arrive.
Doc, There are a number of reasons that people begin to abuse alcohol. While each person who has experienced this has their own unique story, there is one thing in common to those who are FORMER alcohol abusers; they have found a way to live their lives without alcohol. The FIRST step in recovery is to quit drinking, now and forever. I, personally, quit drinking many times, for a day, a week, a month..... only to begin again when I thought I could handle it. I couldn’t. I can’t. I finally reached a level of desperation on April 22, 2014, where I knew that alcohol was in the driver’s seat and had complete control of my life. I desperately wanted to regain control and quit drinking for the last time. I came to this forum (actually, its more active predecessor) and received the help I needed to make this work. From your post, it seems like our stories are somewhat similar. I had and still have a steady job as a professional. To most of those around me, I had things under control; working hard every day and drinking every night. Getting up every morning and doing it all again. The problem with alcohol addiction is that it is a progressive disease. It takes more alcohol over a period of time to satisfy the addiction. There are both physiological and psychological aspects of alcoholism or alcohol abuse. Unfortunately, neither can be dealt with while drinking. Although this place is somewhat dormant at this time, I can assure you that if you are serious about living a life without alcohol, there will be people here who are willing to give the knowledge and support to help you do this. I’ll check in daily and be there to offer any support that I can as you make and hopefully implement this life changing decision. I wish you the best.
Really appreciate the thoughtful reply. I agree that our stories are quite similar. And, I'd never really considered that alcohol addiction is a progressive disease... it makes sense. I feel fortunate that I have a family and supportive friends who will be fine with me taking a different approach to my life. I also feel fortunate that to this point my alcohol abuse has not caused any irreparable damage, either socially or physically. But, I know that I am cheating myself and those I care about with my alcohol abuse.
I'll make a point of checking in at least daily to share and to learn what I can from folks like you on here.