Post by freebird on Apr 1, 2019 13:07:42 GMT -5
My letter to alcohol
One tiny bottle...
You promised to be there for me no matter what, and you kept that promise.
When we first met, I instantly fell in love with you. You made me feel things I've never felt. Relaxed, confident, socially accepted, tingly and warm all over.
You made me feel bliss and with you in my hand I could be someone I wanted to be. Not the ugly, awkward, goofy, timid, afraid girl I was before.
Through the years we became best friends. No matter what situation I was in or what I was feeling you were there for me. Happy times out dancing, House parties, birthday parties, concerts, BBQ's, festivals, we had so many fun and happy times together. You were such a good friend that you were always there through the bad times too.
When life was hard and stressful you relaxed me. When Scott died, when oma died, when I got my first DUI, when I got fired, when my daughter moved out, you comforted me. When I felt completely alone and unwanted, you hung out with me. Days my anxiety peaked all I needed was you. Days I couldn't go anymore, you made me feel invincible. When all the worries of the world came crashing upon me you let me feel it was going to be okay.
But...
All things that seem too good to be true always are. You hid the fact that you were going to destroy my life. You were able to hide it so well because it happened so slowly and while my mind was poisoned and brainwashed.
Little by little you were stealing my soul, my life, my mind, my heart and body.
You destroyed all of my healthy relationships, controlled me, a toxic friend is what you became. Shutting me out from the world under that long-standing belief that you would make everything better. All I needed was you, not those people that loved me. You hid the fact that you were going to create even worse situations than I've ever been in before.
And when things got worse, you convinced me all I needed was a little, not a lot. That you would be nice to me from now on. You manipulated me into thinking I was different than everyone else, that you weren't controlling me and that you wouldn't hurt me anymore. We could go back to the beginning when our relationship was good. All the bad feelings you helped me deal with in the beginning, were nothing compared to the shame, guilt, fear and torture you left me with. All the things I enjoyed before you I could no longer do without you. Everytime I looked in the mirror, I didn't see myself anymore. Every bad situation you put me in gave me more reason to try and hold on to you to numb the pain. I wasn't living, I wasn't feeling, I only thought about you and nothing else.
You came extremely close to killing me.
You almost won.
But...
What you didn't realize is that I wasn't alone.
God was there and he told me the truth.
He held me when I couldn't stand.
He told me the people that love me want me to live.
I was completely broken, completely hopeless, because of you.
And his power is so much stronger than yours.
He helped me stand up to you.
No more!!!
We are not friends.
We never were.
You were a monster disguised as a friend.
You will not win.
One day at a time, I will undo all the damage you have done. Everyone that loves me will be scarred because of you and I will help them heal one day at a time too. Rebuild the trust and relationships you ruined.
You had me at my weakest.
But...
God, my family, my loved ones, my friends and me, will get to have me at my strongest.
It will take a long time but we will get there because LOVE always wins ❤️
Im ready to fight you, I have a whole arsenal of things to help me physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. You messed with the wrong girl.
One tiny bottle...
You promised to be there for me no matter what, and you kept that promise.
When we first met, I instantly fell in love with you. You made me feel things I've never felt. Relaxed, confident, socially accepted, tingly and warm all over.
You made me feel bliss and with you in my hand I could be someone I wanted to be. Not the ugly, awkward, goofy, timid, afraid girl I was before.
Through the years we became best friends. No matter what situation I was in or what I was feeling you were there for me. Happy times out dancing, House parties, birthday parties, concerts, BBQ's, festivals, we had so many fun and happy times together. You were such a good friend that you were always there through the bad times too.
When life was hard and stressful you relaxed me. When Scott died, when oma died, when I got my first DUI, when I got fired, when my daughter moved out, you comforted me. When I felt completely alone and unwanted, you hung out with me. Days my anxiety peaked all I needed was you. Days I couldn't go anymore, you made me feel invincible. When all the worries of the world came crashing upon me you let me feel it was going to be okay.
But...
All things that seem too good to be true always are. You hid the fact that you were going to destroy my life. You were able to hide it so well because it happened so slowly and while my mind was poisoned and brainwashed.
Little by little you were stealing my soul, my life, my mind, my heart and body.
You destroyed all of my healthy relationships, controlled me, a toxic friend is what you became. Shutting me out from the world under that long-standing belief that you would make everything better. All I needed was you, not those people that loved me. You hid the fact that you were going to create even worse situations than I've ever been in before.
And when things got worse, you convinced me all I needed was a little, not a lot. That you would be nice to me from now on. You manipulated me into thinking I was different than everyone else, that you weren't controlling me and that you wouldn't hurt me anymore. We could go back to the beginning when our relationship was good. All the bad feelings you helped me deal with in the beginning, were nothing compared to the shame, guilt, fear and torture you left me with. All the things I enjoyed before you I could no longer do without you. Everytime I looked in the mirror, I didn't see myself anymore. Every bad situation you put me in gave me more reason to try and hold on to you to numb the pain. I wasn't living, I wasn't feeling, I only thought about you and nothing else.
You came extremely close to killing me.
You almost won.
But...
What you didn't realize is that I wasn't alone.
God was there and he told me the truth.
He held me when I couldn't stand.
He told me the people that love me want me to live.
I was completely broken, completely hopeless, because of you.
And his power is so much stronger than yours.
He helped me stand up to you.
No more!!!
We are not friends.
We never were.
You were a monster disguised as a friend.
You will not win.
One day at a time, I will undo all the damage you have done. Everyone that loves me will be scarred because of you and I will help them heal one day at a time too. Rebuild the trust and relationships you ruined.
You had me at my weakest.
But...
God, my family, my loved ones, my friends and me, will get to have me at my strongest.
It will take a long time but we will get there because LOVE always wins ❤️
Im ready to fight you, I have a whole arsenal of things to help me physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. You messed with the wrong girl.