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Post by slimkim on Jul 10, 2016 3:50:17 GMT -5
Hey Ang and Yvan, Its been a great day but also a tough day. I had to go to the shops this morning and felt really wierd walking past the bottle shop without going in. I didn't even look in so there was no chance for them to catch my eye. I'll avoid that shopping centre on payday again even if I have to pay more for groceries I'll save money by not going to the bottle shop. My parents came over today and gave me a beautiful ring for my birthday. I was so shocked and thankful beyond belief to them. They said I have changed a lot in the past 2 years and want to be part of my life again. I think its me finding a higher power and having a different attitude recently that has done it. Its a little scary but I see them as really nice people now after hanging out with the wrong people before. I'm pretty tired after waking up at 4 am but at least I'm still sober. My dad understands as he was an alcoholic himself. Great of you to pop in Yvan. It is tough at night having not much to do when I would normally drink. This post probably sounds very disjointed as my thoughts are a bit scattered. Ang, you made me laugh that you have too many penguins. Glad you get 3 days off now.
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Post by angelina1512 on Jul 10, 2016 4:10:59 GMT -5
Hey Ang and Yvan, Its been a great day but also a tough day. I had to go to the shops this morning and felt really wierd walking past the bottle shop without going in. I didn't even look in so there was no chance for them to catch my eye. I'll avoid that shopping centre on payday again even if I have to pay more for groceries I'll save money by not going to the bottle shop. My parents came over today and gave me a beautiful ring for my birthday. I was so shocked and thankful beyond belief to them. They said I have changed a lot in the past 2 years and want to be part of my life again. I think its me finding a higher power and having a different attitude recently that has done it. Its a little scary but I see them as really nice people now after hanging out with the wrong people before. I'm pretty tired after waking up at 4 am but at least I'm still sober. My dad understands as he was an alcoholic himself. Great of you to pop in Yvan. It is tough at night having not much to do when I would normally drink. This post probably sounds very disjointed as my thoughts are a bit scattered. Ang, you made me laugh that you have too many penguins. Glad you get 3 days off now. hey Kim, what great news that you are now excepting your parents as something good in your life. Every parent isn't perfect but they love you and want what's best for you. How lovely you were given a ring for your birthday. A symbol of love and friendship. they are also in contact with your girls, a very important thing for all of you. now it's time to show them all that you have changed and can be a responsible parent to your daughters. Yvan good to see you. You are right leave the past in the past, no regrets otherwise moving forward is having a noose around your neck. Always pulling you backwards. So good to see you pop in and seeing that you are doing well. we are all trying to visit more and motivate the forum. If we can all get sober no reason Kim can't. how is your life. You sound good. Your children all well. Any cows around? tutu
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Post by slimkim on Jul 10, 2016 4:26:10 GMT -5
Hey Ang, I just googled the makers of my ring and it wasn't cheap so my mum really went out of her way. Eventho I could tell that anyway. She asked me if I'd take my dad in if she died and of course I said yes as long as he likes lots of vegetable soup lol. He's been smoking for 55 years and really needs to give up so I might end up taking my mum in instead. My sister has 3 kids so she's got enough to handle. I'm planning a big housecleaning tomorrow and my course starts again. Thanks for the reply Ang. You are always so positive and uplifting.
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Post by angelina1512 on Jul 10, 2016 4:36:40 GMT -5
Hey Kim,
life to me has to have positive things in it. Sometimes they are hard to find but I try and see it. Life without my daughter is shlit, I don't want that for you when you still have a chance. Please don't throw that away for alcohol. You still have a chance to be apart of there lives.
you have so much positive things that you can have but having alcohol in your life makes you see things in a negative way.
honestly if I can do it, so can you. Imagine what life would be having your girls in it!!!!!!!!!!! Wow that is enough to make you stay sober.
you have good parents. Get to know them, really know them. About the past, once they are gone the past is buried with them.
look at your ring as a positive sign.
tutu/ang
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Post by slimkim on Jul 10, 2016 4:53:23 GMT -5
Thanks Ang, That means a lot. I'm so sorry about your daughter. I still think its just parental alienation for you as I can't believe you were that bad compared to some mothers I've met. Thanks for the encouragement. It was great having my parents show up and me being sober.
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Post by angelina1512 on Jul 10, 2016 4:59:56 GMT -5
Hey Kim,
i have eave and always will love my daughter, nothing can ever stop that. Life does go on. I'm ok. Otherwise I would be just a basket case with no moving forward.
that why is so important knowing that you have a little window opening with your girls that you don't close it. Once it's closed and locked it's very hard to re open.
alcohol is just not in the running when it comes to your girls. JFDI! Lol
tutu
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Post by slimkim on Jul 10, 2016 5:18:03 GMT -5
JFDI it is. I must say I loved seeing my daughter on facebook. Of course I am worried about my exhusband raising her, but there is nothing I can do. You never know, you and your daughter may meet up again at some family thing. I don't really know but there is still hope while she is still alive. Its good that you didn't end up a basket case, definitely not worth it.
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Post by jeyu0422 on Jul 10, 2016 21:56:26 GMT -5
Hi Kim, Whether your motivation is a future relationship with your girls, your health, or really anything else that you can hold on to, do whatever it takes to remain abstinent from alcohol and get a few week/months behind you. I was told not to focus on results, and I think that's good advice as a general rule. But I think a better rule is to not focus on "specific" results. As you get farther away from that last drink, you will start feeling good about yourself; proud of your accomplishments. Things seem to start falling into place, at least for me and others I've seen here. The "results" may not be exactly what you envision right now, but I think doors tend to open as we begin to function as a sober person. I don't know of anyone, not one single person, who quit drinking and looked back and said that it was a bad decision. Mark/Jeyu
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Post by slimkim on Jul 10, 2016 22:25:44 GMT -5
Hey Jeyu, That's great advice. I'm not even sure what a sober life will look like yet so best just to focus on the present. I just got back from my course and normally would reward myself with a few drinks. So it all feels a bit wierd still. It would be nice to start feeling good about myself as I tend to see myself as a loser at life eventhough I've got a degree and a townhouse. I'll just wait for the doors to open as you say. Thanks for your message.
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Post by Mark_LA on Jul 10, 2016 22:27:31 GMT -5
Hi Kim, Whether your motivation is a future relationship with your girls, your health, or really anything else that you can hold on to, do whatever it takes to remain abstinent from alcohol and get a few week/months behind you. I was told not to focus on results, and I think that's good advice as a general rule. But I think a better rule is to not focus on "specific" results. As you get farther away from that last drink, you will start feeling good about yourself; proud of your accomplishments. Things seem to start falling into place, at least for me and others I've seen here. The "results" may not be exactly what you envision right now, but I think doors tend to open as we begin to function as a sober person. I don't know of anyone, not one single person, who quit drinking and looked back and said that it was a bad decision. Mark/Jeyu Yep. It's possible to nurture hopes for a brighter future while still letting go of any need to control outcomes.
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Post by slimkim on Jul 10, 2016 22:38:54 GMT -5
Hi Kim. I wish that this time you're going to make it. I agree with J. Stay away from people who drink. Nothing good will happen to you if you keep maintaining toxic relationships. Focus on your sobriety instead. It's a long road, expect the next months to be tough, but it is the price we have to pay. It gets easier with time and every sober month will take you closer to the goal. You have your studies to keep you busy, some hope about your daughters and the forum to support you. Not giving up giving up can't go on for ever. No one else will become sober for you Kim. Only you can decide what kind of future you want. It's in your hands. Keeping drinking is not on the list for a better life. Llife is good, it's our drinking that makes it miserable. You've got support from the forum. It's great. Use it once and for all to stay sober. We made it, you can do it. We are not different. It can be the last time you've relapsed Kim if you want to. You health is not a yoyo you can play with for ever. One day you wake up and it's too late. The damage is done, and for the rest of your life. I wish it could click for you like it did for us. If you feel the need to drink, don't think about the next hour feeling good, it's only illusion, think about the day after feeling terrible, that's reality. That should be strong enough for you to JFDI. About your daughters, try to leave the past behind Kim. What's done is done. I remember when I got sober becoming obsessed by regrets, not a good start if you want to move on. Quite depressing actually, because it stops us seeing hope and remain strong. Think about today, think about tomorrow, think about you being sober, a different woman, strong and happy, that's the mother your daughters will want to see and hope to see when you meet them again one day. Do it Kim and you will come out of this darkness. No light in a bottle, the light is in your close future if you stay sober. Hugs. Hey Yvan, I like what you said that not giving up giving up can't go on forever. That phrase stuck in my head all night. I am scared of permanent damage but seem to have evaded it again. However I won't know for sure till I see my doctor again. I also like what you said about not thinking of the next hour feeling good. That's always the temptation for me, telling myself I'll drink half a bottle of wine and pour the rest down the sink. That never happens and next thing I'm driving for my next bottle and the slip has happened, hangover next day and even worse cravings and next thing a relapse again. I'm sure you already know this story. Thanks for your message.
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Post by Pam on Jul 11, 2016 5:12:11 GMT -5
Happy Birthday Kim! Pam
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Post by angelina1512 on Jul 11, 2016 8:36:01 GMT -5
Hey Kim,
i cant remember if it's your birthday tmrw or the next day but happy birthday anyway.
Now I do know when you wake up its Tuesday and you will be going grocery shopping. When I first gave up drinking walking past the bottle shop was hard, now I go in buy penguin scotch, pour it for him. Makes me laugh I can do all that and not in the least interested in drinking it. It does get better.
so make sure you are strong, each day is adding up and remember it's dry July. No alcohol. None what so ever.
buy yourself something, doesn't have to be extravagant, just special. It's your birthday after all lol.
have your done your homework on your tool box? An educated quit works so much better. Remember HALT and PAWS.
stay strong and busy. And once again HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!
tutu
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Post by slimkim on Jul 11, 2016 18:08:19 GMT -5
Hey Ang, That was a lovely message to wake up to. Thankyou for wishing me a happy birthday and thanks to Pam as well. Its actually tomorrow but close enough. I will be strong today as my parents are coming over again tomorrow. Last night I got through the cravings by doing more cleaning and tidying up things, its quite therapeutic actually, cleaning that is. Hopefully I won't notice the bottle shop or make sure I don't. Usually payday is drink celebration time but that won't be happening or a birthday drink. A birthday present for myself is a great idea. Have to think about that, maybe some perfume. Hope you have a great day Ang.
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Post by slimkim on Jul 12, 2016 14:13:51 GMT -5
Hey Everyone, I made it past the bottle shop yesterday. I actually have no money left to drink with which is a good thing; removes the temptation. Not that I haven't been known to get loans in the past. I had practically zero cravings yesterday probably because I was busy all day. Today my parents are bringing over plants for my garden and lunch. I bought my dad a birthday present as it was his birthday yesterday. Nothing more to report except a few stomach and liver pains still. Have a great day everyone.
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