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For Kim
Sept 30, 2015 17:16:25 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Sept 30, 2015 17:16:25 GMT -5
Hey Beth and Dana, Thanks so much for the encouragement and help. The emotional rollercoaster ride of early sobriety. I've heard about that in AA. I'm definitely on one. Gloominess has lifted a tad today. I'm thinking 'this too shall pass' to try and get through it. Another trip to the doctors this morning to discuss my lungs and chest pains. I'll probably feel better once its over and there's some clear plan in place for what he can do to help me.
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Post by achilles1957 on Oct 1, 2015 5:07:16 GMT -5
Hey Kim, How'd you go at the doctors? I don't recall you mentioning any tests that you've had recently but I admit that I've been horribly busy and could surely have forgotten. I so hope that it's not anything physical... not negating emotional pain it's just that it may pass when you're feeling more relaxed and secure in your sobriety if you get the 'all clear' from your doctor. I remember having heart palpatations and an ache around my rib cage in early sobriety, it eased when I was able to let my emotions flow freely. I believe I was holding my whole body tightly in an effort to contain my feelings and it ached under the pressure.
Although I still get a tad nervous when I go to AA, I believe that I walk out feeling more relaxed and at ease having have the opportunity to speak freely and purge without fear of judgement. I've always kept my feelings to myself (living with a 'difficult' man for 37 years, life has always been about him .. ergh!!) particularly negative thoughts. Placating him and 'attempting' to be the peace-maker hasn't allowed me to express my needs. I thought I was strong enough and superior enough not to have needs or wants .. those conditions were for the "less evolved" and of course, me being 'super-woman', it was my role to be the invisible miricle worker, seen and not heard. Crazy I know but heh..
Life is somewhat different since my children have all left home, I've turned my eyes toward myself and am learning to put my best interests into the foreground. I'm trying to value myself for 'who I am' in contrast to 'who and what I fix'. Not sure if I'm making sense, I hope so. :-)
It's very quiet around here .. I hope KKlove, Petuny, and so many others that contributed so much, are doing well. I miss so many people, too many to mention. I take the Forumily for granted when it's busy and miss everyone's words when it's not .. the human condition heh !
Take care all, Jenn
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For Kim
Oct 1, 2015 10:34:10 GMT -5
Post by bethanne711 on Oct 1, 2015 10:34:10 GMT -5
Hi Kim, I, too, am interested to know how your visit to the doctor went. Hope all is going well and that you're okay. Beth
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For Kim
Oct 1, 2015 10:50:21 GMT -5
Post by Dana on Oct 1, 2015 10:50:21 GMT -5
Hey slimkim, I love the new avatar! Super cute. Let us know how you're doing! xo
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For Kim
Oct 1, 2015 11:31:01 GMT -5
Post by jeyu0422 on Oct 1, 2015 11:31:01 GMT -5
Jenn,
"Life is somewhat different since my children have all left home, I've turned my eyes toward myself and am learning to put my best interests into the foreground. I'm trying to value myself for 'who I am' in contrast to 'who and what I fix'. Not sure if I'm making sense, I hope so. :-)"
It makes perfect sense to me. Maybe that's why so many of us have quit drinking and tried to repair our lives in the 40s and 50s. The kids are gone; it's time to face the reality of life as an alcoholic and try to find a reason or reasons to put one foot in front of the other. As an alcoholic, those are sometimes difficult to find. As a recovering alcoholic, they become necessary to recovery itself. Jenn, you sound good and very focused. That is so great to see.
Mark/Jeyu
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For Kim
Oct 1, 2015 11:33:13 GMT -5
Post by jeyu0422 on Oct 1, 2015 11:33:13 GMT -5
Kim, Love the hat!
Mark/Jeyu
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For Kim
Oct 1, 2015 15:43:04 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Oct 1, 2015 15:43:04 GMT -5
Hey Everyone, Glad you all like the new avatar. It looks a bit like a crazy woman which I am lol. It was great to get up and read the messages of support. The doctor diagnosed chest wall inflammation caused by excessive coughing after a blood test, 2 ECGs and an Xray. He gave me a tablet which has been like a miracle pill for the chest pains but I can only stay on it for another 2-3 weeks and then have to go back again if I still have chest pains. So radical lifestyle change.
Jenn I agree with you that it could be caused by stress and holding my emotions in. How do you let emotions flow freely? I'd be interested to know. I'm feeling very uptight without my usual coping strategies of drinking and smoking heaps of smokes. I can relate to what you are saying about your husband. I've been afraid to open my mouth in case I got yelled at or worse. They also just liked to please themselves. So no more boyfriends for me. I'm hoping to get my car fixed next week so I can go to AA. I think just sitting in the rooms knowing that other people are fighting similar battles helps and also that some have it much harder than me and yet managed to give up.
On a more positive note I've had a lot more energy and are walking a lot further and more often to burn it off. I seem to be rambling on so that will do for now.
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Post by blueskye on Oct 2, 2015 9:37:22 GMT -5
Kim, at least you know what's going on in your body. When we're caught up in active using, like you are with smoking, it's easy for us to minimalize the damage that we're doing to ourselves. When I read your post, I want to scream 'QUIT SMOKING RIGHT NOW! Before the sun sets tonight. Quit smoking. But I know it's not that easy. Simple, yes, but not easy. Take away the smokes and your physical body will begin repairing itself immediately. You can't afford to keep smoking, especially with your body yelling 'I have chest wall inflammation'!
One idea I like to roll around my head is this - Avoid Future Suffering. What can I do today to avoid future suffering? I can eat healthily, walk, sleep and abstain from drinking alcohol. If I can do that today, then I can avoid suffering tomorrow.
I discuss this with my teen boys. Avoid Future Suffering. It was one of my sons who came up with the idea. He describes it like this. He has his 'past self, present self and future self'. Take this morning for instance. At breakfast he said 'I'm thanking my past self for doing my homework, because today, my present self isn't feeling anxious about going to school'. Yesterday he said 'I don't want to do my homework, but my future self will be thankful'. It's a great way for him to motivate himself and feel empowered that he has control over his choices and the subsequent consequences.
I think this should be taught to kids in elementary school.
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For Kim
Oct 3, 2015 12:33:33 GMT -5
Post by Pam on Oct 3, 2015 12:33:33 GMT -5
"Avoid Future Suffering. What can I do today to avoid future suffering? I can eat healthily, walk, sleep and abstain from drinking alcohol. If I can do that today, then I can avoid suffering tomorrow." (blueskye)
Well said!
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For Kim
Oct 4, 2015 16:37:51 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Oct 4, 2015 16:37:51 GMT -5
Hey Blue, I like what you said about avoiding future suffering. Its like what my dad used to say about avoiding longterm consequences but in a format that is easier to digest on a day to day basis. It applies to every aspect of my life.
Chest wall inflammation has been cut in half and not really bothering me with the halving of my smokes. The guy who lives in the unit next door has really bad asthma and always coughs day and night so the thought is passing through my head that maybe he used to smoke and started developing emphysema. He sounds as sick as a dog sometimes so very conscious that the smokes need to go. I've got free nicotine gum to use which is really helping. I'll probably end up carrying round a packet of gum instead of cigarettes lol.
Another day of sobriety to face. I've got lots in my toolbox managing to save a lot of posts to my computer most of which were from the drowning thread. Now time to work on Step 4, right now, no procrastinating lol.
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For Kim
Oct 6, 2015 18:57:11 GMT -5
Post by Pam on Oct 6, 2015 18:57:11 GMT -5
Hi Kim,
How are you?! I read a lot of the posts as well yesterday. I found a thread called drowning.2. I don't recollect if they are originals or copies of posts. Either way, this forum is filled with experiences. I'd like to figure out how to mark the threads I've read. However, the 2nd reading is still just as powerful.
Writing to share that I asked "ron" to be my sponsor and he's agreed to mentor me until I find someone at one of the meetings. So very psyched! I don't know if I'll get homework or just share my processing. Either way, glad I found this forum.
Take care and hope all is well!
pt
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For Kim
Oct 6, 2015 19:33:53 GMT -5
Post by achilles1957 on Oct 6, 2015 19:33:53 GMT -5
"Avoiding future suffer" ... I so like that phrase, sounds so simple b u t ...
If I get a sore tooth, which I often do, I will bite on it and pick at it and generally aggravate it until I can't take the pain any longer and am absolutely forced to go to the dentist. I see an odd sort of similarity in this behaviour as with my drinking behaviour in the past. When I've become complacent with my recovery (perhaps it would be more correct to say 'active in my denial in that I don't really have anything to recover from') I have picked up a drink again in some bizarre way to force myself to acknowledge that denial is not an option. Much like inflaming the tooth to the point of having to do something to alleviate the pain. I need a lot of work done on my teeth but as long as they look ok I just put up with the occasional 'flare up', as soon as the pain is gone well.. get on with it, until the next time. "Avoiding future suffering" yes, simple but ...
Thanks for the phrase Blue, straight to the tool box !
You sound good Kim, glad your chest is feeling better
Although I'm pleased for you PT in regard to Ron mentoring you, I sure hope you don't stop sharing your thoughts and processes with the Forumily. I glean so much from your sharing and hope it continues.
Take care All
Jenn
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For Kim
Oct 6, 2015 19:53:03 GMT -5
Post by Pam on Oct 6, 2015 19:53:03 GMT -5
Hi Jenn,
I sometimes feel like I'm imposing on members of the site by sharing . . . . So, I thank you for your encouragement. I've been rereading the posts. . . there's so much here. What an extraordinary group of people!!! I don't know if they realize just how special and important this forum is for people who manage to find it.
Take care!
PT
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For Kim
Oct 6, 2015 23:10:09 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Oct 6, 2015 23:10:09 GMT -5
Hey PT, I hope you won't be disappointed but the posts I copied from the Drowning thread were on the old forum which is where we all came from. Unfortunately its been wiped and bulldozed away so you can't access the posts anymore or read the wealth of information that was on there. Brett restarted his Drowning thread on here but the old one marked his journey from the first day of sobriety. He's now got over a year up. That's great that Ron has agreed to sponsor you especially if you're working on Step 4.
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For Kim
Oct 6, 2015 23:16:04 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Oct 6, 2015 23:16:04 GMT -5
Hey Jenn, Great to hear from you. How are you going? How's your work with the refugees going? I liked what you said about becoming complacent in recovery. I have bizarre thoughts that now I'm feeling much better I can have just a few. Maybe its because I don't feel one step away from a coffin now. Stupid hey? My car is getting fixed tomorrow so if its running safely I'll be able to hit some night meetings of AA which would be really great. There's a couple of good ones about a 15 minute drive away so I can get that added support, and a Steps meeting would be good too.
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