After 2.5 Years, I am back

[hourbyhour]

I hung out in the old forum back in 2013 when I made a (failed) attempt to quit drinking. I remember many of the users I see now, so please realize that I carried with me all the good advice you offered me at the time. Thank you! 

While I have tried quitting other times, I believe that the public exchange in this forum did provide a lot of self discovery. The time simply wasn't right then as there were other issues I had to resolve first before I ever could become sober.

I will spare the details, but suffice to say that I have done a lot of housecleaning both internally and externally, and my situation certainly has improved. Life went from being OK to being fun. More importantly, I now have goals and a will to live that I didn't have before. Yet, there was still the matter of my continued drinking which could wash away all my positive changes.

This attempt has been the most unusual; out of the blue (and while sober), I suddenly felt it was time. It wasn't a willful choice-it might sound odd but it feels almost like instead of my deciding to quit, quitting chose me. Does that make sense?

I understand that I am only a few weeks into this, and I realize there will be rough patches. But, this has been the most bizarre attempt: the first week was a walk in the park compared to prior times. And instead of feeling like my best friend was ripped from me, I feel more like a bad roommate has moved out. It's strange. And yes, I have ridden the pink cloud in the past, but this isn't anything like that. 

Sure, I do miss not having a beer when I get home from work. But, I am finding so much other stuff to do, and it isn't by having to go find stuff as a diversion. I am going to bed each night feeling like I have run out of time trying to do everything I want to do. That wasn't me a few months ago where I felt life was a prison sentence.

Oh, well, I have rambled enough. I realize there will be pitfalls ahead, so that is why I am reconnecting here. 

[jeyu0422]

Welcome back!
We have never met because I didn't join the forum until April, 2014, but I sure get a lot of what you have to say, especially the "bad roommate" analogy. Congratulations on your sobriety, whether you chose it or were chosen by it. It's simply a better way to live.
Mark/Jeyu

[Pam]

Welcome back to the forum!
PT

[hourbyhour]

Thanks all.

And this forum is indeed quieter than the old one!

[Pam]

HourbyHour . . .

Have you seen MarkLA's post?
There's another forum where lots of folks seem to gravitate.
Google: sober recovery

Here. . . most folks don't check in/post everyday . . . or as much as in the past year.

However, if you post a topic or start a conversation . . . they'll chime in . . .

Take it easy and have a good one.

PT

[achilles1957]

HourbyHour,
A belated welcome back to the Forum,
What you have said re quitting chose you, doesn't sound odd at all and it surely does make sense. I too have quit and failed in the past however now, in hindsight, I realise that each time was such a learning experience, a progression toward where I am right now. I now choose to believe that the only "failure" would have been not to try again. I too have ridden the pink cloud, unfortunately it led me to denial and arrogance which, for me, are a pathway to hell. I used alcohol as a form of self-medication.. it did work for me decades ago and I viewed it as a "go to friend" when things got too rough. Thank the stars I can now use the old adage... with friends like that, who needs enemies?

I joined the Forum in January of 2014.. I don't recall your username. I hope the inevitable pitfalls are not beyond your strength.

Take care for today,

Jenn

[hourbyhour]

Thanks, PT-I will have to search for sober recovery. I do remember Mark in LA.

achilles: yes, I do agree that each attempt has been a learning experience. Non drinkers simply don't understand how complex alcoholism is!

[Mark_LA]

"Non drinkers simply don't understand how complex alcoholism is."

Alcoholism can seem pretty complex indeed if you're still in the throes of it or you're negotiating the often-rocky road of early recovery. It certainly seemed so for me.

However, as I get more distance from my drinking days, I'm coming to realize that I was just getting mired in details which weren't really relevant to my recovery. The technicalities of alcoholism may be complex, but recovery is simple. #1) WANT to be sober MORE than you want to be drunk. #2) Do whatever it takes to ensure #1 always stays true.

"Simple, but not easy" is an adage we used to use around here a lot.

Actually, the way it finally worked for me, after countless failed attempts, wasn't so different from what you describe in your first post. I just knew I was finally done. As our own dearly departed Grampadave would say, "When you're done, you're done."

[achilles1957]

"When you're done, you're done" ...

I thought I was done so many times and enjoyed months/years of abstinence.... Yet in my mind's eye I always had that "place of oblivion" that I could escape to if and when things got too tough. It worked for me and enabled me to achieve my focus (educating my children), without "outward" suffering. Needless to say, I was crippling my insides. I justified this by believing that I was "selfless" and, being superior to other beings, could cope with anything ... as long as I had my "place of oblivion". It worked ... and in hindsight, I wouldn't change a thing.

Problem was, I became addicted to that place and couldn't let go of it when it stopped working. I didn't want to accept this simple fact ... it no longer works.

Acceptance sounds so simple and it is, once it's accepted. "Simple, but not easy".

Nice to read you Mark.

Take care All,

Jenn

[hourbyhour]

"When you're done, you're done". . .I couldn't remember if it was IKON or Dave that used to say that. (I remember when Dave passed.) I thought of that often in the past few years, and that is somewhat the reason I didn't push quitting as I was getting other issues of my life in order.

"Simple, but not easy": I can appreciate that. In some ways, I am really not trying to overthink this attempt to stay sober like I have in the past. I agree, Mark-I want to be sober. And while past attempts left me feeling feeling like I was living a life sentence without my friend, I remember that there once was a time when I enjoyed life without the booze. And I have many friends that find things to fill their time without even thinking of drinking. If they can do it, so can I.

I remember people mentioning the point of "crossing over", and I certainly hope I can achieve that point. I know I was happier sober in the past.

[jeyu0422]

That "crossing over" point for me was when I came to the realization one day about 3-4 months into abstinence when I had not even thought about a drink or drinking all day, and actually felt happy and content.  That was when I knew that I wouldn't have to fight this for the rest of my life. Initially, the feeling was somewhat fleeting, but those happy and content moments have, over time, stretched into long enough periods that they now make up the majority of my life.  When I'm stressed, angry, or discontent for some reason, rather than reaching for alcohol, I employ other learned strategies to try to get back to that comfortable place in life.  Yes, you can teach an old dog new tricks, especially if that dog has a strong desire to learn.
Mark/Jeyu

[hourbyhour]

Right now I am at the point were I don't really miss the alcohol itself. I miss how it used to be a way to kill the boredom.

As noted, I am finding things to do, but that can be a challenge at times. I work 60 hours a week, so that has always helped. But, in the past, if I wasn't working, I was drinking. I didn't do anything else. Thus, reprogramming my life will take some effort. People ask what I do for fun, and I haven't a clue.

[Pam]

Hello Hour. . .
Did you ever figure this out?
"This" being . . . What you do for fun.
Found a quote about the value of our spare time.
Will post it another time.
Anyway . . . You figuring out what to do sounded important/like a
priority. . . .
So. . . Hope you're still doing well on your journey.
Hope you continue to check in . . . .
Have a good one.
PT

[hourbyhour]

Hi, PT. Thank you for asking-this was actually something I was going to post about.

I started drinking about 18 years ago. First 5 years light, next 5 years moderate, and then past 8 increasingly heavier. Many here can equate to that slippery slope many of us have gone down :-)

We have touched on how the dabbling with sobriety can provide a lot of self-introspection. My recent lesson has been somewhat of an eye opener: I wrote about how it will be hard to reprogram myself to a life without alcohol, ways to find things to do, etc. The irony is that now that I have been away from the alcohol for a bit, it has brought back many forgotten memories from back before I drank. That boredom was there then, and I had forgotten about it. The booze simply became a fun diversion. I also forgot about how I used to get worked up about things more than when I was drinking. I never denied I was self medicating, but I didn't realize how far back the symptoms went. So, that gives me something to tackle.

I am slowly finding things to do-and I don't mean cleaning the basement over and over! I am getting out of the house and have been getting back with doing stuff with the historical society with my town. I am not killing myself for an answer to finding ways to keep myself busy. Things are going well overall, so I am not in a real hurry. I kind of have a feeling I will find something when I am not looking.

I did finish my degree 6 years ago, and doing that kept me really busy. So, when I finished school, then is when the drinking really ramped up-I finally had the free time!