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Post by achilles1957 on Nov 21, 2015 16:57:07 GMT -5
Morning All, That sounds so beautiful Pam, I can't really imagine it...it's so darned hot here. I've only seen snow actually falling in New Zealand, it was gorgeous..and so very quiet, rather magical in my memory. I was in the Swiss Alps many years ago, surrounded by ice but it didn't snow. Apparently it did after we left, I was disappointed at the time. It's the silence that was so intoxicating, in my memory that is, a deep silence that I've never 'not' heard since. :-)
I've been feeling uneasy in myself of late, not sure why. I think having my son back home, injured, without an income and lacking in direction.. sees a return of my instinct to control, fix things etc. I have to make such an effort to 'let it be' and just observe without the need to play god. I crave perfection and this leads to dissatisfaction with what is.. danger signals for me. I have no thought or desire to drink however I do have "butterfly" thoughts of altering my reality. I need to be vigilant within my recovery, mindful of the futility of physically trying to alter my outside world...I can alter my perception and hopefully accept that it is what is it ... an imperfect world that doesn't need perfection to be magnificent.
Take care for today All,
Jenn
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Post by gwampa69 on Nov 21, 2015 18:41:49 GMT -5
Hey Jenn As always is the case, the depth of your introspection is really remarkable. I think that your insight and understanding of yourself and what makes you tick is key in maintaining sobriety. And that doesn't mean just abstaining from using alcohol or anything else to alter personal reality. Sobriety also means being grounded and in tune with your thoughts and feelings. Recognizing the personal pitfalls and old patterns of thought that can lead to disharmony. Evaluating situations and evaluating reactions, sometimes before those reactions ever happen. You've definitely got that area covered. Thanks for sharing.
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Post by Pam on Nov 22, 2015 17:55:56 GMT -5
Hi Jenn,
Hope you've enjoyed the day . . .
Take care,
Pam
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Post by Pam on Nov 22, 2015 17:58:04 GMT -5
Hi Beth,
It's been a quiet Sunday . . . Just a bit of television: football and a movie . . . Still taking care of chores . . . Almost time to quit and relax for the day . . .
Hope you are well and enjoyed Sunday . . .
Take care,
Pam
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Post by Pam on Nov 23, 2015 6:05:02 GMT -5
Good morning . . . Jenn and Beth . . .
Up and ready to start the day . . . I won't see the kids . . . meetings/workshops each day this week . . . . We also won't put in the full 8 hours . . . so I can't complain.
Just planning Thanksgiving Dinner and revising my grocery my list. Haven't decided on traditional fare or something different like gumbo or lasagna. . . .
Take care and have a really good day:)
Pam
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Post by achilles1957 on Nov 23, 2015 6:08:00 GMT -5
Hey Jenn As always is the case, the depth of your introspection is really remarkable. I think that your insight and understanding of yourself and what makes you tick is key in maintaining sobriety. And that doesn't mean just abstaining from using alcohol or anything else to alter personal reality. Sobriety also means being grounded and in tune with your thoughts and feelings. Recognizing the personal pitfalls and old patterns of thought that can lead to disharmony. Evaluating situations and evaluating reactions, sometimes before those reactions ever happen. You've definitely got that area covered. Thanks for sharing. Thank you Brett, I sure hope you're right. I don't like feeling that uneasiness, if makes me frightened. Fear of drinking is, and has to be, real for me. I've wilfully picked up a drink in the past, after many years of apparent sobriety. That darned "built-in-forgetter" runs rampant in me .. after months/years of abstinence I've consciously sabotaged my health and my soul, why? There're so many reasons that I can think of .. I'm more powerful than alcohol, I'm cured, this time will be different, I don't deserve continued happiness, etc. etc. Also I think that because I can start, and stop without much effort, willfully, I've never reached rock bottom or anything close to it. I have to believe others when they speak of how easily it is for this disease to progress way beyond my comprehension...I have to believe that even though it's not my experience. I have to trust that healthy fear to protect myself from myself. Anyway, enough about me .. how's life in your neck of the woods? Are you still happy up your trees or back at work? I hope you and your family are well. Winter is on its way for you while I'm sweltering in the tropical heat. Forum sure is quiet !! Take care, Jenn
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Post by gwampa69 on Nov 23, 2015 6:18:18 GMT -5
Hey Jenn Just a quickie as I'm getting ready for work. In a word, yes. We have to remember the built in forgetter and what it can do if we let it. For me, drinking always leads to the same place. It never solves any problem and always serves to exacerbate whatever trouble is brewing. That's just the way it is for an alcoholic. Since I've admitted that I am one, somehow it makes it easier to accept the fact that booze is not an option for me and never will be. One final thing about lasting happiness and whether we deserve it. Yes, we do. Nuff said.
We got 16.5 inches of snow ( 42 cm) Saturday and Saturday night. It's currently -6c. Winter my dear, is here. Take care of yourself for today and always.
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Post by achilles1957 on Nov 23, 2015 6:28:01 GMT -5
Hey Pam, You sound good, positive and powering as usual. You've obviously got a bit of a momentum going which is great .. complacency can be dangerous me thinks !!
Thanksgiving is such a lovely tradition, unfortunately we don't celebrate it in Australia. A shame .. we've absorbed many "American-isms", Thanksgiving should be one of them. Gratitude is vital.
It's off to bed for me, your day is just beginning.
"I hope it's a good one, without any fear". .... John Lennon (thanks for the reminder Sam.
Take care for today All,
Jenn
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Post by bethanne711 on Nov 23, 2015 12:32:10 GMT -5
Hi Jenn and Pam, You both sounds really good. I'm sincerely happy for you both. I had a quiet Sunday as well. John and I went out and bought a few groceries then came home and watched an oldie but goodie, The Firm. It has turned chilly about 40 degrees and all the leaves have fallen to the ground. The sun is shining brightly which has a way of lifting one's spirits.
Try to stay cool, Jenn. How hot is it ? Hope you get to feeling more settled. It sounds like you have a good hold on it, though.
Great to hear from you both. Enjoy the day.
Beth
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Post by Pam on Nov 23, 2015 15:39:49 GMT -5
Heading off to get some errands completed . . Continue to enjoy the day . . . Pam
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Post by Deleted on Nov 23, 2015 19:04:16 GMT -5
Hey Jenn, Sorry to hear you are doing it tough at the moment. I think from what you've said that you are more of a binge drinker, like me. Thats why people often don't think I have a problem. Its good to reflect on where you will end up if you go on a binge, in a state of pitiful and incomprehensible demoralisation. (I borrowed that phrase from the Big Book). You sound strong Jenn, don't let these feelings of unease lead you astray. Hope this helps. By the way, its boiling hot down here as well but I don't think we get the same humidity as up there.
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Post by Pam on Nov 24, 2015 12:08:30 GMT -5
Hey everyone . . . Beth, Jenn, and Kim . . . Just checking in to say hello and hope you are having a good day . . . The snow is melting a bit . . . if you're responsible for sending a bit of heat our way . . . thank you . . . Time for lunch . . . starving . . . Enjoy the day and take care . . . Pam
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Post by bethanne711 on Nov 24, 2015 14:38:34 GMT -5
Hi everyone, Hope you all are having a good day. I just got back from the Physical therapist and got some good news on my leg. She took some measurements and said that I am doing very well and that I can trade my walker for a cane and that I most likely will not even need the cane for long ! I think this ordeal is almost over with. Just wanted to share the good news update. Take care all,
Beth
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Post by Pam on Nov 24, 2015 16:57:44 GMT -5
That's wonderful news Beth . . . . Take care . . . chat with you soon. . . Pam
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Post by achilles1957 on Nov 24, 2015 19:21:27 GMT -5
Hey Jenn, Sorry to hear you are doing it tough at the moment. I think from what you've said that you are more of a binge drinker, like me. Thats why people often don't think I have a problem. Its good to reflect on where you will end up if you go on a binge, in a state of pitiful and incomprehensible demoralisation. (I borrowed that phrase from the Big Book). You sound strong Jenn, don't let these feelings of unease lead you astray. Hope this helps. By the way, its boiling hot down here as well but I don't think we get the same humidity as up there. Hi Kim, thanks for your post ... I believe that it has no relevance what others think regarding our drinking problems. I am the only one who knows of my "incomprehensible demoralisation" when alcohol passes my lips. I don't intend to go into that darkness again.. but .. I do stil, after all this time, get feelings of just wanting to shut off. I'm learning to just sit with such feelings, distract myself with whatever it takes. I have to stop looking for perfection, demanding it of myself and, when not achieving it (obviously), feeling "less than". It's a journey that must be travelled... Everyone struggles in their own way and compassion and acceptance for oneself and others is how I choose to travel. "Let it be" is my manta even if I have to say it a thousand times a day, there's no alternative. I don't know quite what to say re your psychiatrist ... sounds a bit 'suss' to me. As suggested, can you request someone else? Do you see him/her privately or ? I can't imagine sharing my thoughts etc with someone I didn't respect and hold in high-esteem. I never been to anyone professionally but feel that it would be so important to feel some sort of 'connection' with them. Hope you're well today, take care Jenn
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