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Post by Dana on Sept 30, 2015 7:46:28 GMT -5
Hey Pam, just wanted to welcome you to the forum! Glad to see you're jumping right in and making yourself at home. This place was a real treasure for me when I was new. I hope you feel as much support here as I have.
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Post by Pam on Sept 30, 2015 20:03:29 GMT -5
No. . . going backwards isn't an option. Thank you for the reminder: Sam's idea of jotting down thoughts whenever they occur. That doesn't seem as intimidating as the chart. I will also start a gratitude list. Jenn mentioned that when she said hello. We've got lots of options of approaching the Step. I like that. Take care and have a good one. Hey PT, I'm pretty scared myself as a lot of experiences I don't want to relive. Atm I'm just looking at the past 20 years aroundabout so that I don't get lost along the way. I know in AA they say to do Step 4 with your sponsor but as I don't have one and don't really want one I'm faced with doing it on my own. I like Sam's idea about just jotting down thoughts as they come. Another idea is to work on it 10 minutes a day. I guess different things work for different people. I've got spare time today so a good time to do some work on it. I'm looking at Fears first as I think the Anger list is a bit much for me atm. Letting go is a hard one for me as well.
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Post by Pam on Sept 30, 2015 20:20:26 GMT -5
Hi PT and a belated Welcome to the Forumily.. I'm enjoying your methodical approach, well reading it I mean. Unfortunately I have no 'method to my madness' but I'm doing the next right thing on a daily basis which I guess is ok. I too am attempting to do Step 4 and not getting very far at all.. so far I haven't written a thing. As soon as I start trying to think of things that bothered me in the past, I get distracted by all the good stuff that's happening around me and I think 'what the heck, I'll think about that another day'. I've been going to AA meetings twice a week for the last 2 months or so, I really benefit from the face to face interaction with people who really get what I'm sharing and visa versa. It's a first for me and I'm relishing in that "mutual knowledge" that can only be shared with folks who've walked a similar road. All is as it should be right now, Take care for today Jenn I am determined to get this right. . .
Hi Jenn. Thank you for your welcome. I know where the AA meetings are in town. I still haven't decided if I'm going to go tomorrow. I've been thinking about it all week. The meeting is fairly close to work. If I stay late enough, I'll have an excuse to wander on in . . . . However, since I don't think I'm ready to share in person, this forum may be best . . . for now.
As a newcomer to a meeting. . . is it okay, just to go in and listen? Is it required to introduce yourself and share?
When I have time, I read the threads/posts. . . I enjoy reading your advice to one another. This forum is amazing. . . in that . . . it's evident that you all know one another and support one another. That's powerful and very inspiring.
By the way, your post reminded me to make a gratitude list.
Thank you again and take care.
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Post by Pam on Sept 30, 2015 20:28:57 GMT -5
Hey Pam, just wanted to welcome you to the forum! Glad to see you're jumping right in and making yourself at home. This place was a real treasure for me when I was new. I hope you feel as much support here as I have. Hey Dana, . . . thank you for your welcome. I've received many words of welcome, encouragement, and advice. It's been a very good place to land . . . and learn.
Take care and have a good one.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 30, 2015 22:20:10 GMT -5
Hey PT, In answer to your question, you can just go in and listen. You may have people ask you if its your first meeting, if so then its up to you whether you want to say 'yes' or 'no'. If you say yes you would get a lot more support, it just depends on the meeting and who is there. I can't say yes anymore as I estimate I've been to over 300 meetings. If you say 'no' you'll probably be left alone and can just sit there and listen. If you are asked to share your story you can say I want to identify and my name is xx and I'm an alcoholic. Don't be scared, once you get in there you can always leave if you feel too uncomfortable but sitting there listening to other peoples stories can be therapeutic and helpful. I would love to go to a meeting but my car needs fixing so out of the question. Hope this answers your query. Jenn may have more to add but I wanted to post this to you just in case.
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Post by achilles1957 on Sept 30, 2015 23:35:37 GMT -5
Hi PT, I don't have much experience with AA as yet but am really appreciating the affect the meetings are having on me (probs only been to about a dozen meetings so far). The first time I walked in I nearly didn't, felt like running a mile but I didn't .. thank the stars !! I have shared several times now which is amazing for me.. I can converse comfortably with just about anyone on a one to one basis but in front of many, well that's a different story. It's amazing just how at ease I felt, it's true when people suggest to look for the similarities rather than the differences ... although our 'stories' vary so much and I don't necessarily identify with the physical events per se, I find that I can totally 'get' the emotions behind those stories. I feel comfortable in the rooms and will continue to go. Complacency is my enemy and I'm determined not to make the same mistakes I've made in the past, I want to trust someone else's opinion/suggestion for a change as opposed to believing that I'm the 'prophet incarnate'.
;-)
There's no obligation to share, sometimes I'd just rather concentrate on listening and absorbing and opt out of sharing, there's no issue at all. Many folk don't share, you'll know when you're ready just as you'll know if and when you'd like to check the meetings out for yourself. There's absolutely no judgement from what I sense so far, and if there is I don't care. I choose to feel comfortable around the tables these days, what other folks think of me is no longer my business (I'd love to know though hahaha!!).
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Post by Pam on Oct 1, 2015 19:33:06 GMT -5
Hey Kim and Jenn,
Thank you for letting me know what to expect. It would officially be my first meeting. A few years ago, I walked into a meeting and stayed for no more than 15 minutes. But that was then . . .
So, looking forward to Friday . . . .
Take care.
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Post by ron on Oct 2, 2015 5:46:02 GMT -5
Hi, PT, I didn't post earlier 'cause I thought you had already gone to the meeting!
You don't have to share at all. In the US, most meetings will start by asking, "Is anyone here for their first, second, or third meeting?" You might want to answer, because they will then share things a newcomer wants to know. But you don't have to answer if you'd rather not. If they know you're a newcomer, they most likely (but not for sure) won't ask you to share. Very few newcomers share anything beyond their name, if even that, at their first meeting.
Later in the meeting, when they get to the 7th tradition, they will start passing the basket for donations. You do not have to chip in if you don't want to. Just pass it on to the next person with a smile.
You can leave at anytime you wish, and it is not considered rude. Unless you make a spectacle out of it. Some people will even leave for five minutes to go outside and smoke, then come back in to finish the meeting.
You don't have to join in on the chants, prayers, or whatever else they may do. (These things very from meeting to meeting and area to area.)
Bottom line is, no one has to do anything at a meeting, ever, that they don't want to do. And newcomers are given even more latitude than that!
I hope you have a positive experience, pt. If by chance the meeting does suck for whatever reason, don't give up on AA. Just try a different group next time you get the urge to go. As Dave (an old and dear member who is no longer with us) used to say, "If you go to a restaurant and the food is bad, you don't give up on eating out, do you? No, you try a different restaurant next time."
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Post by blueskye on Oct 2, 2015 9:21:23 GMT -5
PT, I hope you try a meeting soon. As others have said, you don't have to talk if you don't want to. You don't have to say it's your first meeting either. I was worried about telling anyone it was my first meeting because I didn't want any fuss or attention. But, I got talking to someone and it came out naturally. People were welcoming and friendly. I actually thought I was going to an Al-Anon meeting, but quickly learned that it was an AA meeting and then I realised I was right where I needed to be!
Meetings vary so much. I was spoilt in SoCal back in 2005/06. The meetings I attended were amazing and I thoroughly enjoyed going to them. Where I live now, not so much. I often leave a meeting feeling worse. I don't go very much now. Whenever I travel, I try to seek out a meeting. I've been to meetings in Europe, USA and Bali, Indonesia!
Give it a try.
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Post by Pam on Oct 2, 2015 21:43:25 GMT -5
Salutations!!!! I just got home from a meeting. Tried to go to one for 7:00. Couldn't work up the nerve until 7:15 to leave the house. Got lost. ( The address for the meeting was someone's home. ) So. . . instead of going home I decided to try to make it to another meeting that I'd hoped to catch at the end.
By the time I arrived, people were just driving up. I sat in the car for a moment and thought . . "You don't have to stay. Just go inside." The first person I met said, "You're in the right place girl. . . go on inside." I sat down and could barely breathe. Then, I started to cry. I kept reading and rereading the Steps. I couldn't find the courage to look at anyone. A fellow walked over and welcomed me. Then, two other people sat at the table. I couldn't find my voice to speak when asked my name by the person running the meeting. . . (They were recognizing those attending their first meeting.) I could only manage a wave.
The speaker shared his story about his journey toward sobriety. It was a powerful experience. His story . . .
After the prayer, I grabbed a schedule and left. I actually cheered for myself in the car. ( I know that's weird but I was so proud of myself.) This group has been meeting a while at the church. They know one another well. I have decided I will definitely go back to that meeting.
Yea me!!!!!
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Post by Pam on Oct 2, 2015 22:51:26 GMT -5
“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Post by ron on Oct 3, 2015 4:33:49 GMT -5
WooHoo! Way ta go, pt. The hard part's over now. I remember sitting in the parking lot wondering if I wanted to go in or not. I ended up driving away. Eh, but I did make it to one the next day, and the rest, while it may not be history, is at least part of my story.
I'm happy that you made it and had a good experience. It bodes well.
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Post by Pam on Oct 3, 2015 6:39:02 GMT -5
WooHoo! Way ta go, pt. The hard part's over now. I remember sitting in the parking lot wondering if I wanted to go in or not. I ended up driving away. Eh, but I did make it to one the next day, and the rest, while it may not be history, is at least part of my story. I'm happy that you made it and had a good experience. It bodes well. Thank you ron!
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Post by blueskye on Oct 3, 2015 13:47:28 GMT -5
Well done, PT! It'll be easier next time. Before you know it, you'll be in charge of making the coffee and putting out the chairs.
Blue
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Post by Pam on Oct 3, 2015 17:17:09 GMT -5
Inspired by this quote: Yet another reason to focus on Step 4
“But you can’t get to any of these truths by sitting in a field smiling beatifically, avoiding your anger and damage and grief. Your anger and damage and grief are the way to the truth. We don’t have much truth to express unless we have gone into those rooms and closets and woods and abysses that we were told not go in to. When we have gone in and looked around for a long while, just breathing and finally taking it in – then we will be able to speak in our own voice and to stay in the present moment. And that moment is home.” ― Anne Lamott
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