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Post by bethanne711 on Dec 28, 2015 11:36:09 GMT -5
Hi tutu, Congrats on the 5 months without smoking. Awesome ! I am so thrilled that you got Mary and that you rescued her. I really think that is the way to go when getting an animal. Too many are abused, neglected and then put down when there are many loving homes out there. Thanks for that and enjoy your new friend !!!!!!!!!!!!
Beth
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Post by angelina1512 on Dec 31, 2015 5:33:01 GMT -5
Hello everyone,
well it's nearly 2016 here so I thought I would do my last entry for the year and thank you all. This forum isn't as busy as it use to be but it's still here. I thank this forum for changing my life, for helping me give up drinking, to stay positive when I thought there was no life without alcohol. When I thought I couldn't socialise without alcohol, couldn't get out of bed without a drink.
there is such a better life knowing that no matter what I won't ever drink again. I don't miss it, I don't need it. I can cope with what ever is handed to me without drinking. Life isn't easy but it is easier not wanting or needing that drink. Knowing I can drive, get pulled over and be ok. If the phone rings I can answer it and remember the next day that it rang, who I spoke too and what we talked about.
this forum also helped me to give up smoking, to remember one day at a time, just get past that one day and tomorrow is another day. To wake up and be proud I did it.
i hope this forum stays alive, let's people know that if you fail try again, never give up giving up. Just be proud of yourself. Look in the mirror and smile.
Penguin and I are staying home tonight. Mary's first New Year's Eve so not sure about fireworks so we decided to stay home. Our wedding anniversary also 1st January. I am grateful for having such a wonderful husband. My true friend, always here when I need a shoulder.
so to all my friends in the forum I wish you all a very happy new year. Let's all put more effort into the forum even if we think what we have to say doesn't seem much but sometimes one small sentence can change a whole persons life.
so smile, say hello to someone, take a minute to really care.
angelina/tutu
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Post by Pam on Dec 31, 2015 12:22:07 GMT -5
Happy New Year and Happy Anniversary! And many more . . . Pam
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Post by angelina1512 on Jan 25, 2016 22:40:59 GMT -5
Hello everyone, it's Australia Day here so thought I would pop my head in and say hi. All is going great down in Tassie. Mary is being a real princess, I am so happy to have her here. Penguin is away so Mary and I have a great time together. Her bed is under my window so when I go to bed I can hear her jump in as well. It's comforting to know she is just outside in her kennel. i have been painting, but not as much as I use too. I like to go outside and spend time with Mary as well so before I know it the day has gone. But I like to be busy. Work is going great. Have made some really nice friends. one of the girls from work is going to help me get my art work on the internet. It will be called Angelina's Art. So that will be very exciting. Next week I will be 6 MONTHS NO SMOKING. It's called the half way house, on the smoking forum, so we are having a big party. I am so grateful to have those people in my life. Don't think I could have gotten this far without them. i do have days now where I don't even think about smoking, so I have done really well and I am very proud of myself. penguin is planning a working trip over to Perth so I am hoping to take so e time off from my work and fly over and visit him and have a look around. They say Perth is very beautiful. So I will be able to sing that song " on the road again" hubby and I always sing it when we are working and travelling around. We have had lots of fires in Australia, some very hot weather as well. tassie has been great, perfect weather actually, not too hot, not too cold, just perfect. I see USA has lots of snow so I hope everyone is safe and well. Not much happening on the forum, pity, it saved my life, so many have moved on. I suppose that is life. one of the ladies on the smoking forum feels like she has lost a friend, which in a way smoking is. Is something that gives us great comfort, well I thought so anyway. So I suggested when she is feeling down or low is crank up the music, sing and dance. That has always done wonders for me. so I hope this finds you all well, happy and healthy. I think everyone should drop in and fill us all in on how life is without the drinking,and that there is life after drinking, a much better life. So anyone out there reading and not posting, I see a few new names that have joined but not posted, don't give up trying, you can have a great life without having to drink to have life. love to all. angelina/Tutu. Attachments:
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Post by Deleted on Jan 27, 2016 2:53:03 GMT -5
Hey Tutu, So glad that Mary is helping you at night. I wish I could have a dog but need the fencing. Angelina's Art sounds like a great idea. I can't believe you are 6 months without smokes. Well done! I can't even go an hour without a smoke most of the time. I really can't afford to smoke and are coughing my guts up on rollies. I like cranking up the music as well. It is so liberating. Up here is not as hot as last summer; so I'm fairly happy with it. I've got no aircon but still survive okay. I agree that more people need to post not just read. We need to keep this place alive. Awesome painting by the way.
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Post by yvan on Jan 30, 2016 13:26:40 GMT -5
Hello everyone, it's Australia Day here so thought I would pop my head in and say hi. All is going great down in Tassie. Mary is being a real princess, I am so happy to have her here. Penguin is away so Mary and I have a great time together. Her bed is under my window so when I go to bed I can hear her jump in as well. It's comforting to know she is just outside in her kennel. i have been painting, but not as much as I use too. I like to go outside and spend time with Mary as well so before I know it the day has gone. But I like to be busy. Work is going great. Have made some really nice friends. one of the girls from work is going to help me get my art work on the internet. It will be called Angelina's Art. So that will be very exciting. Next week I will be 6 MONTHS NO SMOKING. It's called the half way house, on the smoking forum, so we are having a big party. I am so grateful to have those people in my life. Don't think I could have gotten this far without them. i do have days now where I don't even think about smoking, so I have done really well and I am very proud of myself. penguin is planning a working trip over to Perth so I am hoping to take so e time off from my work and fly over and visit him and have a look around. They say Perth is very beautiful. So I will be able to sing that song " on the road again" hubby and I always sing it when we are working and travelling around. We have had lots of fires in Australia, some very hot weather as well. tassie has been great, perfect weather actually, not too hot, not too cold, just perfect. I see USA has lots of snow so I hope everyone is safe and well. Not much happening on the forum, pity, it saved my life, so many have moved on. I suppose that is life. one of the ladies on the smoking forum feels like she has lost a friend, which in a way smoking is. Is something that gives us great comfort, well I thought so anyway. So I suggested when she is feeling down or low is crank up the music, sing and dance. That has always done wonders for me. so I hope this finds you all well, happy and healthy. I think everyone should drop in and fill us all in on how life is without the drinking,and that there is life after drinking, a much better life. So anyone out there reading and not posting, I see a few new names that have joined but not posted, don't give up trying, you can have a great life without having to drink to have life. love to all. angelina/Tutu. Hello tutu and everyone. Just catching up and answer to your post. I suppose people are busy with their lives or have not much to share about the alcohol topic. I am busy. I love my job, gym or swimming everyday after work, spend my weekends off with friends, reading, I find psychology very interesting, starting gardening again, decorating and time just flies. I am going to have a week holiday in France with my family at the end of March, my son will come back with me and spend some time in England before going to Australia. We'll be in spring, can't wait for sunny days and spend time on the beach, with nature and visiting around during the weekends with friends, so much to see and enjoy from April. It's great Brett that you enjoy your new freedom, that's what sobriety is about, isn't it? If there is one thing that I will never forget about my drinking time is that I've got my freedom back. I wasn't living anymore. I was a slave but this time is over. It's so wonderful to live at peace with oneself and enjoy life with the past left behind, I just live one moment at a time, alcohol doesn't mean much to me anymore otherwise a painful experience that helped me to grow. I find life beautiful even if everyday is not, this world is a nightmare for so many, so many people suffer, I am very lucky and very grateful. I got a second chance and I am very aware of my privilege. I always find that it is in simple things in life that I really know what true happiness is about. It's a feeling that I cherish everyday. I know some people who are always looking for more and aren't never happy. It's great tutu you love your job, Mary's company, painting, you're busy and you have accomplished what you wanted. You can be so proud of yourself. I am smoking much less but I will give up completely. I know that the change of season will be what I need to say farewell to another addiction. I've had enough with it, like alcohol, I don't need it anymore to be me. Thank you as well Pam to make the forum still going. I am sure you are helping other people even if they don't post. You never know, the forum can start to be busy again. It's great to know that the old posters are well and happy. Kim, only you do know what can be good for your life to stay sober. I really hope you will make it this time, being busy helps a lot but it has to come from your heart otherwise you will always find excuses to keep drinking, good or bad. I am going to meet this weekend a few friends that I know from AA, over 2 years now. I see them again because they are sober. They understood that there isn't one good reason to keep drinking and live miserable but there is a better life if you leave the bottle behind. They are getting there and I am so happy to see them well. You're right tutu. There is a life after drinking, just f do it, give it some time and there is a better life on its way. I have never heard from anyone that it was easy, that's why we deserve some happiness. Have a great day all. Yvan.
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Post by Pam on Feb 1, 2016 21:43:03 GMT -5
Hello Angelina. . . Meant to ask . . . what inspires your color choice in your work? Love the contrast of the gold and black on the last canvas. . . Glad all is well. Take care. Pam
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Post by Deleted on Feb 3, 2016 13:09:36 GMT -5
Hey Yvan, Thanks for popping in and letting us know how you are going. I see you as some sort of miracle of sobriety to be honest, from what you've shared over the past couple of years. I'm so glad to hear that everything is going well for you.
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Post by yvan on Feb 5, 2016 5:08:31 GMT -5
Hey Yvan, Thanks for popping in and letting us know how you are going. I see you as some sort of miracle of sobriety to be honest, from what you've shared over the past couple of years. I'm so glad to hear that everything is going well for you. Hi Kim. I wish there was a magic wand to make us stop drinking and be done for good but maybe it is a kind of miracle for us alcoholics to live without our long time friend. It takes a lot of determination to say farewell to our crutch, learning to live without alcohol and dealing with everyday life without escaping the reality. It's a lot and it is a huge challenge. I remember the doubts, I remember my fear knowing that I will have to live for the rest of my life without a drink. I remember feeling helpless sometimes but before everything, I wanted sobriety, never again alcohol in my mind, in my body and in others' look, keep going sober whatever life was giving me and with time passing it became easier until alcohol disappeared completely from my thoughts. It's a wonderful feeling to be free from this addiction, I see each day as a miracle and I feel closer to God. Life is good to us if we respect it. Kim, you want to be free from your addiction and you will, I am sure. It doesn't matter if you failed, you stand up again and each time you become stronger. Studying is great, you're busy, you have less time thinking about other things, you're not drinking, and with time you will feel so much better. Everyday is a victory. Always believe that not drinking anymore will bring you happiness. No more drinking Kim and you will find peace. I wish you with all my heart to find it soon. You're strong, one day your family will know it. I know how difficult it is and I admire you to never give up. You're great. Hugs from England.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 6, 2016 16:46:48 GMT -5
Hey Yvan, That was a really lovely message. Thanks for the encouragement. It kept me feeling great all day yesterday and today I feel pretty good. I wish there was a magic wand as well. I'm trusting in what everyone says on here that in time it does get easier. In AA, some people are quite negative and seem to be on a day at a time after ten years of sobriety. Maybe they aren't really sober. Its hard to tell the real from the pretenders.
Reality is slowly getting easier. I have more time to problem solve and work through things and my problems seem to be getting sorted out. Praying does help.
I'll try to see each day sober as a miracle and also its another day of life which I don't want to cut short.
I feel the fear mostly at nights, worried that I won't sleep without it; thinking I need a bottle to keep in the cupboard for emergencies or just in case. Millions of stupid thoughts. I've never had those thoughts before. I'm learning to let go of all my worries at night and focus on deep breathing till I fall asleep. Then I felt like I deserved a drink for finishing my first assignment, as a celebration I suppose. Another dumb thought. Finally then a crying bout one day, over a song on the radio which I used to dance to with my daughter.
I'm trusting in what everyone has said to me that in time it does get easier. The thought of the shame and degradation of walking into a bottle shop atm is also helping. There's only 3 nearby and I am well known since I've lived in the area for 19 years now. So I know what you mean about how others look. The thought of walking in and the look in my eyes of "I'm desperate for a drink" bringing a look of disgust to the shop owner.
Thanks for saying you admire me. It means a lot. You have a great way of expressing in words what I can't seem to say. Hugs back to you from Aussie land.
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Post by angelina1512 on Feb 12, 2016 16:31:31 GMT -5
Morning everyone, I see that we have had a few newbies sign up, that is wonderful. I am doing really well. 6 months 2 weeks smoke free, and I have to say it's getting easier but not as easy as the drinking but I will get there. Next month it will be 2 years since I gave up drinking, wow who would have believed that. its not part of my life now, I don't think about it, I don't worry that if we go out I will be the only one not drinking, I just say I don't drink. I bought myself,a bottle of lemon lime and bitter, cordial, so at night now when hubby is home he gets himself a scotch and pours me a LLB, it's quite refreshing. well Mary gave us a scare on Monday and ended up in hospital. I thought I was going to lose her, it was a public holiday here and everyone/thing is closed. She woke up her eye was all closed up, her head was swollen, she had a real high temp. I was told by a friend to give her a children's panadol, which of course we didn't have so we had to try and find something open. Man tasmania really does close down on a holiday. Finally penguin got one, we gave Mary half a one and she slept on the couch with me beside her. So I stayed up all night, first thing on the morning off to the vet. one vet not far down the road was open, and busy, it seemed like every dog had a problem on a public holiday. So Mary had to stay, he was a nice vet, gave us a rough idea how much it was going to cost, hubby nearly had kittens, but we said yes. so it all went well, we picked her up late afternoon, the vet gave us a lead for her, the most expensive lead I have ever paid for LOL. but she is going great now. I have to give her tablets twice a day but I sneak them inside a piece of cheese:-) yvan an it was good of you to pop in, you sound wonderful. I hope you find great happiness. I hope you had a wonderful time with your kids and hopefully one day if you get to come to Australia we can met up, visit some Aussie cows, have a great laugh. kim you sound like you are going great at TAFE, well done, keep it up. Hopefully you will meet some nice friends who don't care if you drink or not. Jenn I see it's so hot your way, and humid, thank god for air con. The weather down here has been perfect, you should come and visit one day. its six months next week since mum passed. My sister has been sick for the last 4 of them, they cannot find anything wrong with her. It's like mum died her whole life stopped. Yet she has a husband three amazing daughters and 6 grand kids. Sometimes I just want to shake her. But it's up to her to move on and forward, no one else can do that for her. I have been painting, will try and show you my latest. So all in all life is bloody good, not perfect, still no contact with daughter, but I have many thing to be thankful for. So I am. mark, Sparrow, the 3 musketeers will all be 2 years sober in the next few months. One for all and all for one:-) it is possible to have a great life without alcohol. Just ask us 3. Love you guys. angelina/tutu
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Post by yvan on Feb 13, 2016 7:26:11 GMT -5
Hi tutu and everyone. Not much to say otherwise it's so good not to live anymore with all the problems and sufferings related to drinking. It's never too late, and it's never too late to go back to life and enjoy it without the need to escape. No doubt that time helped me a lot. It healed me and put the past to where it belongs to. I am an alcoholic but it seems I am the only one to remember it. My family and friends see me now as someone who doesn't drink, period, no more questions. Thry know about my past, they know me now as a non drinker. From why do you need to always drink to never ask me why I don't drink, so much has changed. True that from when I got sober and now, I am not the same person anymore. It was all about learning. I learnt about myself and I learnt from others, I needed time to find myself in all this. I trust life and I listen to my intuition and to my first impressions. We become wiser with time passing or at least, with a clear mind we always know who we are and what's good for us. Anyway tutu, I am glad Mary is fine. Vets make so much money but can we do. We love our pets like our children. Talking about children, no contact with your daughter, keep hope that one day it will happen, why not, but as you say, you have many things to be thank you for. You've got your own life to look after, it's a lot and the most important is for you and penguin to be well and happy. It's your life, it belongs to you, no one else. I like your paintings, your style, a photo doesn't show what they look like in reality, but it looks great already. The 3 musketeers, two years soon! So much memory with the old forum, it was a great time, it was the forumily, it helped many of us to keep moving, ups and downs but we made it. I remember feeling good, feeling bad, strong, sometimes lost, but we knew that we won't find anymore an answer in a bottle. I am proud of all of us tutu when I remember this past, there was a lot of love and support, it kept us strong. The forum can become again a great support for new posters, they are newbies, it's good, just sharing helps a lot. Kim, congratulations! and you're going to be busy the weeks coming, the best for you to keep going sober and stronger and happier. No more drink, just reminding you in case you forgot you will get what you want and with time passing everything will take place. Never have a doubt. Time for me to enjoy my weekend off, not great weather as usual, rain and wind, but it won't stop me to go out, do my running and see my friends. Can't wait for spring, I need the sun and the light to feel even happier to be alive. As you say tutu, life is bloody good but not perfect. It's a lot already, almost too much to be true after all the....whatever you want to call it. Shti sounds good. Lol. Hugs to all.
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Post by blueskye on Feb 21, 2016 11:58:36 GMT -5
Dearest Forumily peeps,
After being away for so long, and trying to catch up with reading all the posts, I realised it's impossible. So I'm reading the last few posts in each thread in the hopes of catching up, but obviously I'm going to miss some things, so please forgive me.
Tutes, I'm thrilled that you're over six months sober from nicotine. I knew you could do it! I've been smoke free for about 15 years; can you believe I can't even remember the exact number of years. Actually, that's not strictly true, I just have to sit a while and count backwards! I had my last cigarette when I had a positive pregnancy test, so you would imagine I would know the exact date. But that's how uninterested I am in remembering my smoking days. I was a very light smoker, someone who could go days without one and then smoke a pack of 20 in a night out. Yeuch. There was nothing good about it. Quitting was one of the greatest gifts I could ever give myself and I'm sure glad I did.
Now drinking is a different animal altogether for me. Since I went to my first AA meeting in August 2005, I still haven't managed to put together a year of sobriety. BUT, the time trying hasn't been in vain. I don't see any of it as failure, only learning, experiencing and gathering wisdom. As most of you know here, I over-analyze to the point of driving myself insane. No amount of intellectualizing or knowing will keep me sober. I have to feel it deep in my gut. I have to EMBODY my thoughts and feelings. I literally have to feel them on a visceral level. So that's why I say to myself "What does 'I KNOW' have to do with it?" I KNOW so much about alcoholism and its impact on my life. But the mental knowing hasn't been enough to heal me. These past 10 years have slowly led me to a path of recovery that is finally working for me. It's the embodied practice of yoga. It's the holistic approach to recovery of mind, body, spirit. The 12 Steps of AA were useful in the beginning, but I think of them as spiritual kindergarten. The groundwork. The foundation. Then it was a case of 'what's next?'
I love the way Rolf Gates (yoga teacher) puts it: "How do I take my mental and emotional 'intention' and change the way I'm 'being' in the world?" Me - That's always been my disconnect and obstacle in recovery.
I know that I need special tools. Tools of community, connection to others who understand (AA meetings or other sober gatherings), nutrition to avoid hypo/hyperglycemia (which induces cravings), getting out in nature (to avoid NDD Nature Deficit Disorder which makes me feel disconnected), exercise (to produce endorphins), meditation, yoga, community service, and the list goes on. All of those tools shift the mental 'knowing' into my body, so I feel the knowledge on a gut, deep soul level. It's about creating a different life, one that is much better than my drinking life could ever be so I'm not tempted to go back to it.
Some people learn quickly, some slowly. It's taken the past 10 years for me to learn. That's why my struggle hasn't been in vain. Every lapse, relapse, whatever, has brought me further to this point. I'm not recommending relapse as a part of recovery obviously, but for me it's been a part of my journey, so I've accepted it.
So, in a nutshell, key for me has been: acceptance, daily routine and structure (which I used to hate), setting an intention, visualizing my intention, embodying my intention (to live a certain way, to achieve, to become) and having trust that my struggle is leading me to a better place. No struggle I have in recovery can be as bad as the struggle I had when I was drinking.
Gosh, all this typing and thinking makes me tired - so I'm going to make a cup of tea.
Ciao, folks!
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Post by angelina1512 on Feb 25, 2016 4:50:44 GMT -5
Hello everyone,
next week I will be two years free from drinking and all I can say is I'm so glad I did it. I can say that the struggle the first few months makes me appreciate it so much more. Anything worth fighting for is worth it. Also next week I am 7 months smoke free.
i am loving tassie, penguin is working away at the moment, Sydney and Canberra but rings me every day. Mary well she is just super.
my work is going great. Went out to a girls house for a few drinks last Saturday, she is the one who has a drinking problem that I talked about when I first started working at this site. I didn't stay too long but heard later that she was so hung over that she missed two days of work because she got so drunk.
one day the penny will drop with her and she will realize she has a drinking problem but until she knows that in herself she will never stop. I don't miss drinking, I don't think about it. I can socialize without drinking. It's amazing how I look back I couldn't do anything without a drink and now I can do everything without a drink. Strange. There is life and a better one without alcohol. It doesn't mean that all my problems disappear, but I know that now I don't need a drink to work out a problem.
I see some come into work, hands shaking, eyes glazed, it's so obvious. People must have known I was drinking when I thought I hid it so well. The only people we are fooling are ourselves. We are actually sucking the life out of ourselves.
so 2 years. It is possible. Just one day at a time. Hope everyone is well and happy. Pam your question about my colors when I paint, it's just what I feel at the time.
Mark and Sparrow will also be two years soon. We have all done so well, I'm proud of us all. Yvan good to see that you are happy and doing so well. Oh forgot to tell you penguin and I have bought a block of land in tassie and will be building our own house. We are true Tasmanians now :-)).
angelina / tutu
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Post by yvan on Feb 27, 2016 4:48:49 GMT -5
Hello tutu and all. Tutu, two years free from drinking, it's wonderful and isn't it wonderful to be ourselves. We've got our health back, no more worries about what we did or said, no more shame, guilt, remorse, living and looking like zombies, always thinking drink first and then thinking enough drinking until the next drink. Insanity that it was alcohol dictating our lives, but we were not living anyway, we were surviving and killing ourselves slowly. If we had kept drinking, how many years left living this way before the irreversible damages. Alcohol would have killed us or made us total wrecks without hope to recover, ever. Too late for our body, too late for our mind, alcohol the winner and us being the losers. It's the past for me and even if I don't think of it very often, I still remember because there isn't a day without telling myself how sobriety is amazing. Sobriety brought me back to life, I am free from this horrible addiction. You're right tutu, living sober doesn't make problems disappear but we don't need to drink to deal with problems. It didn't make sense, it made the problems worse. We won the battle tutu. It's when we are happy that we really know who we are, that we can help, give and love freely. We can do better what we have to do and what we like to do when we are sober. There is no moderation for that one. So you're going to have your own igloo in Tasmania. Great news. You must be both so excited. We deserve a better life after the drinking and there is. Yes it is hard to stop drinking, it is hard to learn to live without alcohol, but with time, everything gets easier. Life changes for the better, there is no doubt or fear to have. The most important for me was to always believe that living sober was going to bring me peace and happiness, a normal life after the other life that was everything except normal. Still living in a cloud here in the UK, no much life beyond, cold, rain and dark. I can't wait for sunny days and nature waking up, a bit like after drinking, all about reviving. I am glad Jenn to know you are sober and happy. It always makes me happy to know that others made it too. Still feeling sometimes like I am the only one to know what I am talking about when I say sobriety is wonderful. Of course, I am an alcoholic, they're not. I forget sometimes only us know. Take care all.
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