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Post by angelina1512 on Oct 30, 2015 21:02:49 GMT -5
Hello everyone,
thought I would stick my head in and fill you all in. I'm doing great. Still in Tassie, still adore my penguin:-) he is away for 2 weeks so I have to cook for myself.
im still not smoking 3 months tomorrow, as hard as it has been it does get easier. I still have moments when I get that OMG feeling, but since learning so much here over the 20 months since I gave up drinking I know that it will too pass.
So I now call myself a non drinker and a non smoker. And you would think life would be boring but it isn't. It isn't perfect but I am alive, I'm still painting. I have just posted " a few" to Mark, OMG he will be surprised when the parcel arrives, it's huge.
penguin had to leave early on Friday morning, he said he was catching the boat to Melbourne and if I wanted to send some painting to Mark he could take them and send them from there. So I flew out of bed, grabbed a " few" painting:-) went to his work shop and wrapped them all. Now each one has bubble wrap then all put together with his big favourite one, then that was bubble wrapped and plastic wrap, then cardboard box wrapped. Then after the cardboard I put plastic around it again.
now this big box is going by boat, apparently cheaper, penguin says it should take between six and eight weeks. So could arrive before 2016 arrives. Lol. At least it is sent. If I have to wait for him to come over I could be waiting for ever. I had run out of walls to put them up on.
so penguin rang me this morning from Western Australia, said look on the internet for Jackson Pollock an abstract painter who was an alcoholic. So I did. OMG he use to do " drip paintings" didn't know they were called that but just like what I do. he also made me go around the house and each one I have hanging on the walls, which isn't much now as most are on their way to Mark. So now they are all named, all signed.
so anything is possible. I started off painting when I was drinking, didn't like me or the paintings. Now I love me, and my paintings. Go figure. So if your new and trying to give up you CAN do it. You just got to want to give up drinking more than you want to drink and then work out why you drank. I did with the help of this place. I have lost a lot through my drinking but I still hope one day, one day, that will change.
So that is my update from down under. smile and someone might smile back at you.
Tutu
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Post by Dana on Oct 31, 2015 9:16:16 GMT -5
Good (my) morning Angelina Tutu!! It's good to see you here, and thank you for the update. Congrats on three months smokeFREE!!! That is so awesome! And yes, it does keep getting better and better. I was just talking last night with the family about how hard it was to quit smoking, I will never forget that it was by far the hardest thing I've ever done - and SO worth all the tears and discomfort (understatement) to get here. that's so great that you sent those paintings on a ship! You're coming to America! Sounds like you wrapped them up real good. Can't wait to hear from Mark when they arrive. There was a movie about Pollock a few years back, can't remember the name of it right off, but it was really good. Great cast too.
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Post by angelina1512 on Oct 31, 2015 10:10:01 GMT -5
Hey Dana,
yes I will never forget how hard it was to give up those sticks. It so controlled my life, hell week, god if will never do that again. I think I learnt a lot from giving up the drink so that helped.
if you remember that movie I would love to know what it's called. Australia paid millions for one of his paintings. He'll that could have one of mine for a few zeros less lol.
my hubby is as proud as anything. He was excited to help send them over to Mark. They should arrive in one piece, but it's a long way so who knows.
i read your story on that lady. How sad she died because she couldn't stop drinking, her husband must be sad but relieved at the same time. Keep telling us those sort of stories, makes me realize how lucky I am.
tutu/Angelina
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Post by angelina1512 on Oct 31, 2015 17:47:08 GMT -5
Hey jenn,
I see you pop in on the forum but not posting. So just checking that you are ok. How is the weather up your way? Awful I suppose with that humidity, oh I so don't miss that at all.
tasmania is doing well. We have had our ferry Spirit of Tasmania made all beautiful inside, fresh coat of paint etc, so lovely apparently penguin tells me.
went to lemonthyme resort for hubby's 50th, cabins in the middle of nowhere. No tv, internet, radio, nothing but talking to each other. We loved it, but not a place for everyone. Good place if you want to just sit back and relax and re connect.
hope you are keeping busy. I'm 3 months today no smoking. A long hard journey I can tell you. But now it's a little easier but I'm always aware, it only takes one puff, just one mistake to be back at it full time, and I never want that. Not ever.
pop in say hello, or send me an email.
lots of love and hugs,
tutu/Angelina
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Post by achilles1957 on Nov 1, 2015 3:34:27 GMT -5
Hey Ang, I've been away for a couple of weeks and yes I check into the forum often. Haven't had much to say however so have been content to just read. So glad to see you posting.
I felt gutted saying goodbye to my son once again .. the old days would have seen me curled up in my room 'attempting' to obliterate the pain. I highlight 'attempting' as, thankfully, I've learned that drinking not only fails to obliterate the pain but in many ways it exacerbates and lengthens the sadness. I got over it in a couple of days, accepting that it's just the way it is. He doesn't have to be present in my view to love him (although it's wonderful when he is), love isn't bound within distance or time .. it just goes on, infinite.
Yes its warming up in the north but I have to say that after being down south in that cold, I won't be complaining about the heat. It's a matter of what one gets used to I guess. I loved dressing up in my boots and scarf but after a few days I began to dread going out, my bones were aching and I was tired from clenching my teeth. Hahaha ! The heat suits my lifestyle and I guess even if it didn't, I'd have to adjust my lifestyle to suit the heat ... or I'd move !! ;-) There's good and bad everywhere, it's a matter of perception.
Sounds like you had a peaceful time with your Penguin .. just talking, enjoying each other, keeping it simple. Way to go !
:-) Jenn
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Post by angelina1512 on Nov 1, 2015 3:43:52 GMT -5
Hey jenn,
it does get easier as the kids get older! well done for being do brave :-)
yes westher her is what you get use too. I lived up north for over 20 years, been in tassie 1 and I have adapted so well. It's a case of having too so I put my mind around it.
you sound well. Yes penguin and I had a fabulous time, lucky we get on:-) it was nice to just " be there"
im at work so this is just going to be a quickie. Will chat again soon.
enjoy life. Make the most of every day.
ang
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Post by Deleted on Nov 1, 2015 12:45:10 GMT -5
I'm 3 months today no smoking. A long hard journey I can tell you. But now it's a little easier but I'm always aware, it only takes one puff, just one mistake to be back at it full time, and I never want that. Not ever. Congratulations on your three-month smoke-free milestone, Ang!
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Post by angelina1512 on Nov 6, 2015 18:19:13 GMT -5
Morning everyone,
it's Saturday here and I was woken up this morning with a burst water pipe under my sink. Water everywhere. Put on some clothes and ran outside to find the water main to turn it off. Couldn't find it, had to wake the neighbour, found it but it was in a box under the driveway. Had to get a knife to open it, in the mean time my kitchen is flooding.
so finally turned it off. Penguin is still away. Neighbour and I got towels and towels on the floor, what a flucking mess.
so now I have 50 towels, no water, pjs still on, no water for a coffee. Can it get any worse. Neighbour made me a coffee and I sat down and thought OMG I didn't crave for a smoke. How awesome is that. Day 98 and I'm doing good, no great actually.
penguin comes home tomorrow. Need to get a plumber to fix the burst water pipe. Found where to turn it off so it can wait till Monday now. A plumber would charge an arm and a leg over the weekend to fix it.
so even though my day started off water everywhere no coffee, I didn't want or need a smoke. Now that just proved to me anything is possible, I judged needed to want to give up smoking more than I wanted to smoke.
same as the drinking. Your done drinking when your DONE drinking. Now just need to find other ways to deals with stressful situations.
So as long as my feet are above the ground and not below the ground anything is possible.
So I need to clean up the mess, and go paint:-)
tutu
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Post by Pam on Nov 7, 2015 9:08:49 GMT -5
Hi Angelina,
What an awful way to start off a Saturday morning. I'm glad you had a neighbor nearby to help. It's the "unexpected" that used to trigger an automatic response to want to drink . . .to give me time . . . to think about the situation.
My son now smokes when he's stressed. He's been trying to lay off the habit for at least a year now . . . I used to lecture . . . even attempt to reward him . . . I can't. . . it's his battle. It bothers me that I can't help. So, I just encourage him and talk to him when he mentions that he needs to go out for a drive and a smoking. . . . At least he has reduced the number of cigarettes he smokes each day. . . . He's young (22) and hopefully, he'll be able to quit before the end of the year. That's his goal.
So . . . congrats to you and hope that the damage within your kitchen isn't too bad.
Despite the cleanup process . . . have a great day.
P.S. I'm still thinking about your question regarding a hobby or passion . . . reading sounds so boring but that's what I do. . .
Either way. . . I hope you have a good day.
Take care.
PT
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Post by angelina1512 on Nov 7, 2015 17:37:42 GMT -5
Hey PT,
yes the the kitchen took a while to get back to normal. I am expecting the boards on the cabinets to buckle. They are a cheap wood so will have to wait and see.
no good trying to tell you son not to smoke, it has to be an inside job, just like drinking.
today my husband is flying home, has been gone nearly two weeks so it will be lovely to have him home. It takes me a day just to do his washing. But in exchange he cooks:-) I have to work tonight so he will be sound asleep when I get home.
he just rang, he is at the airport. He is early so he will sit and wait. He goes to the virgin lounge room and gets free food and drink so he will have a few wines before he flies home.
they had paint on special at one of the stores in Queensland so he is bringing home 60 tubes for me:-) I go through so much paint. These tubes are easy to work with if doing a small canvas and different colours, otherwise I buy tins.
its going to be a beautiful day here in Tasmania, the sun is shining and the birds are singing.
i do love to read your quotes that you post. Some can be so true.
hope you day or night is going well. I'm having my morning coffee then need to go grocery shopping. Hate that job but want to cook a roast for hubby so he doesn't have to worry about cooking tonight.
Angelina/tutu
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Post by gwampa69 on Nov 9, 2015 14:31:26 GMT -5
Hey Ang I just wanted to take a sec and tell you that I think you are doing a marvelous job all the way around. Your positive attitude, generous personality and strength of character are all things I strive to emulate in my life. Its really quite amazing what you have been able to put together in less than two years time. You're pretty darn funny too.
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Post by angelina1512 on Nov 9, 2015 17:10:08 GMT -5
Hey Sparrow,
i have worked hard to get back to the person I was before the bottle took over my life, every waking minute thinking about how and when I could get my next drink.
im reading a book at the moment in it one of the characters is a " functioning" alcoholic. He finds out he is going to be a father and he joins AA, got a sponsor and changed his life. He never knew his life was so pathetic until he changed it and was disgusted it was so bad for so long. But he didn't see that while he was drinking, only when he stopped.
funny how that is me now. While I was drinking, I thought I couldn't go a day with out a drink, it consumed me. How the mind can play games. Same with smoking, once the nicotine is out of the system( that only takes 3 days if doing it cold turkey) it's then a matter of changing how we see it.
romance the quit. Sounds easy. Takes guts and determination. But I could never have stayed sober if not for this place and " looking", and that can be very scary. But " looking" in the past to me was just coming to terms with it. I couldn't change it, it was in the past, but it was a matter of being" ok" that was happened really sucked, but also moving on from it.
now this is what I have learnt here. Facing demons are not an easy thing, but one small step forward, each demon I faced, each one made me stronger with who I am now.
anyway thanks for the compliment. Think I got side tracked thanking you.
love ya
tutu/Angelina
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Post by Pam on Nov 14, 2015 23:24:38 GMT -5
Angelina,
Just dropping by to say, "Hi."
Take care.
Pam
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Post by angelina1512 on Nov 14, 2015 23:55:00 GMT -5
Hey Pam,
I was just going to give an update and saw your message. I have been very busy with work, painting and my hubby being home.
hubby flew out this morning so I have the week to myself again. He cooked a lovely stir fly so I have food for a few days.
im still not smoking, 107 days today so I'm still just doing one day at a time. Still get the desire to smoke, but it's usually has a memory to it. Like battery flat in car, hubby had used it and left the lights on, so I rang him and told him off:-) got the battery charger and got it started. Was on my way to work so I didn't have much time. So driving to work I felt like I needed a smoke.
So I told myself off, as I do. So it was over before it could get a hold of me. Now it's just a mind game for me.
so have done a few paintings this week, couple for my neighbour who helped me with the burst water pipe. She loved them. So I hung them up for her today. She has a sore shoulder so I did it for her.
now I'm doing one for my hairdresser, she lost her mum and is doing it tough. It's a hard thing to deal with, losing my mum and not smoking was a very stressful time. But I'm doing ok. Just one day at a time. I think now that is how life is for me. Just get through the day, tomorrow a brand new day.
im working tonight then I have tomorrow off. I have housework to do. But will paint as well. I love all the poems and things you post. Keep finding them and keep putting them here for all of us to read. Sometimes it just takes something to make one person " click" and life could be easier for them.
RJ I need an update from you, I see your lurking. Stop and chat. Or email me:-)
love to all. Smile.
tutu/Angelina
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Post by Pam on Nov 20, 2015 6:41:18 GMT -5
Hey Angelina, Hope you had a really nice week. Enjoy the day and happy painting Pam
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