12 Steps and the Non-Theist

[murrill]

Compliance:  The most resistant form of denial.

So it was as I attended my very first AA meeting because it was mandated by my inpatient treatment program.  I had heard of "those people," the Big Book-Bible thumping fanatics and their religious diatribes, but I certainly did not intend to become one of them!  Nope, I intended to learn their secrets for not drinking, earn my Certificate of Completion from the treatment center that I could present to the judge, and do it my way.  All by myself.

So I complied.  I introduced myself and added, "I'm an alcoholic."  I put a dollar in the basket they passed; I said their prayer at the end of the meeting; I collected a few telephone numbers, even though I never called anyone.  The only suggestion that I did follow was to keep coming back.  I had an epiphany or two along the way, and I realized that I did, indeed, want to become one of "those people."  They were, as I would learn, happy, joyous, and free.  The had escaped the shackles of alcoholism, and they were telling me how they did it.  I took the hint.

Their stories informed the difference between religion and spirituality.  "Higher Power" was a generic term for whatever worked for the individual.  The program was one of 12 steps, and I could thump the Big Book--or not.  What freedom I experienced when i learned that I would not have to subscribe to an interventionist deity!  It was in that revelation that I embarked on a spiritual journey that is not defined by belief in something my ego could comprehend.  

I have found the 12 steps to be ambiguous and flexible enough to give me room to search.  With time I discarded the old notions of a sky-god (whom I believed had abandoned me & whom I so despised!), and I came to understand that I am of the universe, a constant energy of wisdom and love, and when I am surrender to that--when I am in sync, if you will--I know serenity.

There is some irony here, I suppose:  My stubborn self declared that I would do it my way, and in a way I did.  But it was not by myself.  Instead, I found kindred spirits and a common language.  I find that the 12 steps fit easily into a non-theistic life, and I hope that other who may wrestle with the "HP" dilemma will find food for thought here.

[Dana]

Hi murrill, welcome.

I've always considered myself "spiritual but not religious" - and I was super relieved to find that was acceptable in the AA. I know there is a power... and I am not its source. And as someone in the rooms told me early on: when I start to think I'm running the show, all I have to do is take a short drive to the ocean and try to stop the waves. Quite the visual really. I actually did it once, drove to the ocean with the intent to "try" to stop the waves. But when I got there, I could clearly see that wasn't going to happen and I didn't really want to get wet trying - so I sat there and watched the waves for a while and said the serenity prayer over and over and over again. Thank god I'm not in charge anymore - it's exhausting really. Trying to control situations and outcomes. I'm tired. Learning to accept that which I can not change (them), and to change that which I can (me) has had a calming effect on me. I'm not perfect at it, but I'm getting better.

Dana

[murrill]

Hello, Dana,

Thanks for your reply.  I was one of those convinced that AA was a religious cult, and I was certain that it would not work for me.  I simply could not subscribe to what I thought were religious tenets that drove the program. As I stripped away my old notions of religion, the guy with a photo and brief biography, the dogmatic and chastising rules, I found myself awash in a presence that was without definition or judgment.  That was so much more palatable for me, and I have found it to be compatible with the 12 steps.  I've tweaked the language a bit as necessary, but the essence is there.

I know that many people are offended by what they believe is AA's religious orientation.  I used to be one of them.  I think the language is broad enough for most anyone to find a spot.  I have probably met more non-theists, atheists, spiritual-not-religious folks in and around AA than I have in other walks of life.  It is such a lovely program and fellowship, and I hope people are not dissuaded by misinformation.

[Mark_LA]

There are extremists and zealots and general nutballs in all walks of life, and a fair share of them develop alcoholism and then go to AA.

Unfortunately, a few bad apples can spoil the reputation of the overall barrel, which I think is why there’s a common tendency for the uninformed to reject AA out of hand due to a perception that it is “religious” or “dogmatic." I know I did, and it took careful demonstration by some of the more open-minded members (the late, great Grampadave on the old forum being the main one) to allow me even to consider anything about AA.

To this day I choose not to attend meetings and I don’t “work the program” in the manner it’s most commonly interpreted by the bulk of the fellowship. However, I do incorporate the principles underlying the 12 Steps in my recovery and in my life in general, and they are indeed serving me well in sobriety.

On the rare occasions that a newcomer came upon the old forum, starting from square one with no knowledge or experience in recovery, I always brought up AA as an option. I have defended it even as my knowledge and understanding of the program has been revealed to fall well short — i.e., I’ve tried to “pass on what I don’t have” — but if my words have guided even one alcoholic towards finding relief, then I can’t be too sorry for having said anything.

Dana, I’m glad you advocated for a 12-Step folder here on the new forum. The absence of a 12-Step presence on any recovery site would be a glaring omission indeed.

[leslie1959]

Hello- ion is that you?
Welcome either way.
I went to an acoa meeting last night. The pain in that room was pabatible.
I never wanted aa to be my adovation.- or my life.
The 12 steps acutly date from thousands of years.
Two words- self awareness.

[blueskye]

I'm an atheist who attends AA meetings, studies the literature etc.. I realise that the Big Book was written decades ago and the language leaves a lot to be desired. It's poorly written, but the message remains the same and I can read between the lines. I find the 12 Steps to be a spiritual design for living that can benefit anyone. The concept of the 12 Steps isn't unique to AA either. It was practicing the concept of the steps that led me to AA rather than the other way around. There is nothing unique about taking stock of one's life, making a pledge to change and grow, asking for help from a higher power, doing a moral inventory, making amends, being of service etc. etc... Some folks live like this as a matter of course because it's how we thrive in relationships and society as a whole.

I wish the language of the 'AA program' was broader and more accommodating, but I won't let that stop me from gleening the benefit of the message. Bill Wilson had a spiritual awakening and wanted to share his experience, strength and hope with others. His intention was admirable. That's what I take from it. I won't turn my back on a program that can offer help and indeed be life affirming and life changing, just because I don't like the religious bent.

Sure, I come across religious thumpers in AA. I come across them everywhere, not just in meetings. I had a woman tell me that I could not possibly get sober unless I got down on my knees twice per day and prayed to a Christian god. I asked about Zeus, Ganesha and Thor. But no other god would do according to her. So I give her a wide berth. I'm civil, but I don't get into discussion with her.

AA is a tool amongst a whole bag full. I don't think it's enough by itself (for me), so I also focus on physical health, nutrition, exercise, mental health through therapy, blah, blah, blah.

I'm starting to lead Y12SR meetings, combining a typical 12 meeting format, followed by a yoga class. This takes the 12 step program one step further to being holistic.

[jeyu0422]

Blue,
"I asked about Zeus, Ganesha and Thor. But no other god would do according to her. So I give her a wide berth."

Hey Blue,
That's funny. Is there a slight ringing in your ears twice daily? If so, you know what is happening.

I have found that my views are changing since I quit drinking. I have moved from atheism to agnosticism to pantheism (yeah, I had to look up the name for it). Pantheism is the belief that God is the universe itself. Who knows, I may keep moving to the right and eventually be able to see Russia from my house.

Nah.

Mark/Jeyu

[blueskye]

Then I'm a pantheist, because that's my understanding too. But I call it nature, energy, universe etc... rather than 'god'. I know it's a matter of semantics, but as a-theism is lack of theism, I'm an atheist too. An atheistic pantheist. That's me! I like it.

[JoeY]

AA is not the be all- end all for all alcoholics.  some swear by the steps to keep them from drinking and or to lead a rich and purposeful life, but it's not for everyone.  for those that have been trying to make AA work but struggling to do so then i suggest you branch out to other areas for help. 

[pamelaparker]

Most addiction treatment centers will employ the basic principles of recovery in all types of treatment plans. Traditional rehab facilities can effectively treat addictions to alcohol, illicit drugs, and prescription drugs. An aftercare session is really essential in monitoring the progress of the patient, and specialized drug rehab centers are probably the best places. After you have completed an inpatient or Partial Hospitalization program, it is an aftercare or counseling session that forms the core of any addiction recovery process. It helps you to stay in the path of sobriety, and continue to do so for long. So, these are the five steps in any successful drug or alcohol recovery program.