Get it off your chest!!

[angelina1512]

Hello everyone,

i thought i would would start a thread and see if I can get some people to get some stuff off there chest. Sometimes things from the past can stop us from moving forward. 

So I thought I would go first.

when I was 15 our school was having a trip away for 10 days. Now I was the youngest out of 6 kids, we moved around a lot as my dad had trouble finding work. So we finally found a run down old,house in the middle of nowhere. Had to catch a bus to school, ride my bike to the bus stop about 3 Kim's away. Didn't know anyone, was 15 and very shy.

so this school trip came up. I had only been at the school a few weeks, no friends so I thought it was the perfect time to get to know a few kids. Of course I knew my parents couldn't afford it. But I still wanted to go. It was $200 which might have well been $20,000 cause I knew we didn't have it. But being a selfish teenager I wanted to go.

i did the crying feel sorry for me to my parents. You know what kids can do to make a parent feel bad. Anyway the owner of the house we were renting knew I wanted to go and he told my father that if he built him a shed he would get $200. I was so excited. Didn't care how hard it was for my father to build this great big shed, didn't care that he had to do it after his normal job, I just wanted to go on the trip. 

I went on on this trip and to this day I regret being so selfish and making my dad build this ginormous shed. He died before I could ever thank him. One of my many regrets to my father.

[slimkim]

Hey Ang,
I don't think you were that bad, just acting like a normal teenager. I'm lucky my parents aren't dead yet or I would have heaps of regrets. Atm I just try to keep up contact and try to be supportive. I'd love to get stuff off my chest but its all about me being a bad mother when I had my kids and none of you would probably talk to me again. Thanks for starting up this thread. I may come up with something yet.

[angelina1512]

Hey Kim,

its the the things that eat at us is what stops us from getting ahead in life. Maybe you can start with something small and then add onto it. 

I told everyone that I was molested by my two brothers. Hard to admit but it felt good just bringing It up. Like vomiting up all what hurt me, or what I was ashamed of.

think about it, there is no pressure. 

Tutu/ang

[slimkim]

OK here goes. Once when my daughter was young she wanted to cook an egg in a frypan. I'd had a few drinks and was lying down in my bed. Anyway I gave her instructions and she managed to cook the egg and brought it in to show me if it was cooked or not. I told her it was. Anyway I feel so bad, why didn't I just get out of bed? Maybe too tired from looking after 2 kids by myself. Looking back, I feel disgusted in myself. I should have been cooking major healthy meals for them. Even pumpkin soup would have been an improvement or broccoli and spinach soup. I don't think she even remembers but I sure do.

[maddogfour]

OK. Here's a story. A boy was picking on another. Finally the bully boy realized he was hurting the other kid and said. "Sorry." The bullied boy got up, got a paper cup from the teacher, turned it upside down and stomped on it. Then he said to the paper cup, "Sorry." And looked at the bully, saying, "Did saying 'sorry' fix the cup? Is it all better? Just remember - everything you do in life that you feel the need to 'sorry' to another person, means you ruined, broke or smashed someone. Despite your 'sorry', they can NEVER go back to the way they were."
Just remember that when you're dealing with alcoholism/substance abuse. Every time you have to say "Sorry" to your spouse, your parents, your kids, your job, your friends... you already broke them. You can't ever fix them and make them what YOU remember them to be BEFORE you abused. That person is gone. And each person is a different type of cup - some are paper, some are glass, some are steel - but all of them eventually get crushed if you apply enough pressure. And NONE of them are ever the same again.
I hope somebody reads this while they are sober and something clicks. "Sorry" doesn't fix it. You have to realize, you can not step on the cup to begin with = it can only bear your weight for only so long. If you really love the cup - don't step on it. If you do, just realize, saying "Sorry" doesn't fix it. EVER.

[soberinmi]

angelina1512:

Why not call it what it is, a Fifth Step (sorta). Just not sure how doing a fifth step anonymously is any different than journalling. Recent events have me jaded with respect to AA.

maddogfour:

What anger! You're right, that cup can't heal or be fixed, but it was intended to be disposable. Other more durable objects may be repaired or refurbished. And not every bit of harm is permanent. People can heal emotionally and physically. Otherwise, your message that we should not take certain things too lightly or see things only from our perspective is noted.

If I may constructively say so, this posting may be telling us about what your needs are.  I suggest that you explore this.

The end of the prayer of St. Francis of Asissi reminds us that it is better to understand than be understood.  Thus, it may be helpful to keep in mind that we are not the only emotionally sick people out there and that hurt people hurt people.